Venting I'm literally an inanimate object

[Sanva]

The few people who 'like' me only talk to me because I listen and laugh at dumb jokes and for them it's all they need because they don't even want a friend or partner, they just want someone that will stand there while they talk and talk because I suppose they have no one else who will listen to them.

They don't even care if I contribute in any way, they don't care who I am inside. They don't care about my opinions. They really only care about themselves and it hurts.

I thought I'd found someone but it turns out I was just stupid because how could anyone ever love me? I'm stupid, I'm awkward, I never have anything to say. I'm pathetic. I ruin any chance I have at an equal friendship or relationship by being awkward.

I know I deserve this but it still hurts. I just want someone who is interested in me and not in an inanimate doll that you can talk to and touch and do whatever to.

Maybe that's who I am. Maybe I really am an empty shell.
There's obviously something wrong with me and everyone knows it so why do they act like my life is worth living when it's so clearly not. I'm just so tired of having the same people that tell me how I don't belong anywhere on the daily turn around and say that my life matters

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I know the feeling. My former animated self has vaporized. And now it's glaringly obvious I'm just a blob. And so I'm hiding on the couch.

 

[hans0solo]

I can relate to a point in my life where i realized i was someone 'therapist', the person they wanted around to listen to them talk about their life to and I felt so useless and awkward that I took this crappy opportunity at a half-baked 'friendship'. Its also interesting to see who you hang out with and what kind of people they are. it may reflect parts of you. if you hang out with fisherman, you may like fishing and the people might value you for that. what does the people you hang out with tell you about yourself? The other issue for me, that I still have is 'asking for what you want'. If you don't ask your friends for things, and just are passive, then part of it is your own inaction. But for me, my lack of asking is about my self-worth, not that rejection. They can still say no, but then that would provide clarity to the situation.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I thought I'd found someone but it turns out I was just stupid because how could anyone ever love me? I'm stupid, I'm awkward, I never have anything to say. I'm pathetic. I ruin any chance I have at an equal friendship or relationship by being awkward.

All people have flaws. All people are stupid in away or another. All people got idiosyncrasies and get boring after awhile. Hang in there, you are not alone

 

[Sanva]

I can relate to a point in my life where i realized i was someone 'therapist', the person they wanted around to listen to them talk about their life to and I felt so useless and awkward that I took this crappy opportunity at a half-baked 'friendship'. Its also interesting to see who you hang out with and what kind of people they are. it may reflect parts of you. if you hang out with fisherman, you may like fishing and the people might value you for that. what does the people you hang out with tell you about yourself? The other issue for me, that I still have is 'asking for what you want'. If you don't ask your friends for things, and just are passive, then part of it is your own inaction. But for me, my lack of asking is about my self-worth, not that rejection. They can still say no, but then that would provide clarity to the situation.

I genuinely don't even really choose who I hang out with, I'll just take anyone who tolerates me lmao. I suppose that's part of the problem but humans are social creatures and I'd just be completely alone forever otherwise

Yeah, I relate to that, I just feel too worthless to ever ask for anything or even bring up a topic I found interesting because I'm usually shut down immediately and told I'm dumb. So as a defense mechanism I've just become completely passive which feels terrible

All people have flaws. All people are stupid in away or another. All people got idiosyncrasies and get boring after awhile. Hang in there, you are not alone

It makes sense and I get that everyone has flaws but for me it's like there's something fundamentally wrong with me. And that's how I've been treated for most of my life too. I just can't be normal

 

[FuneralCry]

All people are selfish, they only care about what directly affects themselves and they will do anything just to make themselves feel better. I cannot stand people personally. Living is painful as there is no escape from ourselves and our thoughts. I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish you the best.

 

[Snake of Eden]

It makes sense and I get that everyone has flaws but for me it's like there's something fundamentally wrong with me. And that's how I've been treated for most of my life too. I just can't be normal

i know what it is like to feel that way. I said what I said to try and make you feel less bad because it helps me to know that people out there who got good things going on for them are not nearly perfect

 

[hans0solo]

I genuinely don't even really choose who I hang out with, I'll just take anyone who tolerates me lmao. I suppose that's part of the problem but humans are social creatures and I'd just be completely alone forever otherwise

Yeah, I relate to that, I just feel too worthless to ever ask for anything or even bring up a topic I found interesting because I'm usually shut down immediately and told I'm dumb. So as a defense mechanism I've just become completely passive which feels terrible

It makes sense and I get that everyone has flaws but for me it's like there's something fundamentally wrong with me. And that's how I've been treated for most of my life too. I just can't be normal

yeah, when i was younger, I hardly had anyone talk to me and anyone who did was like 'ok I'll hang out with you' without question. No one has to be 'smart' to be worth something. having a friend should be able just asking 'how are things', no need to expect a lecture about rocket science. No one should tell you that you are dumb. that is an abusive person. you deserve better. you are a human like me, and that means there is nothing wrong with you. I have never been 'normal'. It took me most of my life to accept that it was ok to be me. if you have blue hair, no legs, never went to college, you are worthy of respect and being treated kindly. cats are wonderful beings. think of how most people love cats. some cats have no tails. or have no hair. people still love them. I know I was treated badly most of my life and allow that to become part of how i viewed myself. I finally let that monkey off my back.