Venting i'm (literally) alone. it's been almost two months since they abandoned me and i don't want to think anymore.

[The Tablet]

2 months ago i remember waking up from a nap only to find this message in my inbox.

i cant do this anymore. i cant continue to guide you anymore. every time i try to help, it's always going downhill. i really had high faith in you and still do but i cant be the one helping anymore. you need professional help and i unfortunately am not the person to do it. you're a great kid but you really choose the worst ways whenever people don't agree with your opinions. after today with your episode and being shown screenshots of yourself and my name being put out in media. i cant. this is so hard for me to say goodbye but i have to. you need to change your ways soon before things will get worse if you continue to say disgusting things out on twitter etc. please take this as a lesson.

tl;dr — "i'm washing my hands of your toxic mess, you're too much to handle, please fucking die."

why am i bringing this up now?

think of my mind like a spastic, disobedient dog that will wander into dangerous territory when you least expect it.

my first thought for some reason is always to locate razor blades, despite the dogshit success rate.

but then i realize said success rate and open up all the megathreads i'd bookmarked and read a hundred times over.

one by one, i mentally cross each method off the list, because i don't have access to (arguably) the most important items needed to carry them out (firearms, inert gas, N, SN...).

and once again, i'm left with nothing but an overpowering desire to die and zero ways to do anything about it.

i get that life's a bitch, people come, people go, etc etc. but i think i should have the choice to get off this ride, especially considering i'm not getting anything out of it. think of it this way: if the previous 500 days were shit, there's no reason to believe day 501 would be any different. it's like waiting for a train or bus that'll never come.

i don't know what to do.

i don't want to have this "blow over" only to be in the same spot within days or weeks.

something's gotta give.

 

[FuneralCry]

We all deserve a peaceful exit at a time of our own choosing, after all it is our life, our decision and nobody else should have any say in it. It is cruel how the society tries to force us to live. It really is horrible being alive. I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[blueclover_.]

Is that person a parent figure? 10 times worse if that's the case. Parents brought you into this world thinking life is all rainbows and shit and when they lost the gamble of genes/luck, they blame you. Should've worn condom bitches.

I'm so sorry for your situation. Can you try to not give a fuck and do whatever you want? It worked for me, i just embrace that i'm the fucking villain in someone else's story and start laughing when they play the victim. Maybe you can try to move away from all those people in your life? I hope you find peace regardless, whatever your decision is.

 

[Ness]

A message like that would drive me straight off the edge and into the waters, I'm sorry it happened to you.

 

[setup]

Damn dude that's quite the message to receive. Idk what u were writing or doing to receive this but dang that is harsh. Hope your feeling better and found better people who care

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Putting aside whatever you said/did on social media as I haven't a clue what triggered this series of events, anyone who says something along the lines of "you need professional help and i unfortunately am not the person to do it" is not worth your time.

Responses like that are weak cop outs which help no one. They use the concept of "professional help" as a venemous weapon to absolve others of duty of care. If there are caustic things being said, the people involved need to talk it out and get to the bottom of things. Pills and therapy won't do a damn thing if there's a communication issue.

 

[The Tablet]

A message like that would drive me straight off the edge and into the waters, I'm sorry it happened to you.

exactly. i couldn't imagine sending this kind of message to ANYONE, not even my worst enemy.

Putting aside whatever you said/did on social media as I haven't a clue what triggered this series of events, anyone who says something along the lines of "you need professional help and i unfortunately am not the person to do it" is not worth your time.

thank you for saying this. you have no idea how much i needed to hear that

Responses like that are weak cop outs which help no one. They use the concept of "professional help" as a venemous weapon to absolve others of duty of care. If there are caustic things being said, the people involved need to talk it out and get to the bottom of things. Pills and therapy won't do a damn thing if there's a communication issue.

earlier that same day, i opened up about how another group of friends did, ironically, a similar thing as this person — which was to tell me i was too much to handle after asking them to vent, being told "sure", and then, well, venting — they went on a diatribe on how important "being there for a friend" is, even when they're "having a rough moment!"
i'd laugh at how suddenly their perspective took a 180, if this person wasn't such a close friend, and if i didn't have this pit of despair in my stomach from being reminded by that same person that nobody wants me around.