trouble
Member
- Jan 5, 2020
- 44
When I first made this account, I was horribly depressed and suicidal.
I know most of you don't know me, as I was always just lurking on here and rarely posted or replied to any threads. I used to be online on here pretty much every single day, looking for ways to painlessly end it all.
Well, it's been a while. I haven't been on here for a long time, sometimes I logged in to see if my account had gotten deleted due to inactivity – but I don't believe I need this account anymore.
I've started going to therapy, and have a stable job. I have my ups- and downs, I still have problems with my family, but I moved out. I have my own apartment. I found love. Not just in my relationship, but all around me. I don't starve anymore. I don't cut anymore. I don't beat myself anymore.
But I'll be honest, I still feel depressed from time to time, that's something that will never leave but what's different now is that I have people who'll support and help me through this when it becomes unbearable. No matter how bad it got, I never thought about CTB again.
I do not regret making this account on this site. Not at all. The people on here have always been kind to me. We were stuck in the same boat, and this page was my support.
A little over a year ago I had a severe case of pneumonia. If I hadn't called the ambulance I would've been dead by now, probably. I was stuck to machines for two weeks. I couldn't breathe without having air blown into my nostrils. My hands and feet were constantly blue. I could barely eat or drink. My lungs weren't able to function properly since the infection had spread all over them, and were filled with fluid that took 3 more months to get rid of. They never found a cause, no bacteria, no virus. I took that as a sign. I could've gotten what I'd desperately wanted, but I realized that I wanted to live. I don't regret it.
I've done so many things I'd never done before. I flew for the first time. To greece. I saw the ocean for the first time. I celebrated christmas for the first time properly. I went out to party for the first time. I smoked my first blunt. I went shopping for no one but myself for the first time. For the first time, I wasn't afraid of going home. For the first time, I ate whatever I wanted without anyone telling me anything. For the first time, I didn't think about hurting myself or downing some pills for some relief. For the first time, I LIVED. And I will keep on living. I will not give up on myself anymore. Even if I lose everything I have. I promised myself I'd build it up again.
If you're still reading this, thank you. Thank you for listening.
I hope you find your way out, whether that be by recovering or CTB. I wish the best to all of you. <3
I know most of you don't know me, as I was always just lurking on here and rarely posted or replied to any threads. I used to be online on here pretty much every single day, looking for ways to painlessly end it all.
Well, it's been a while. I haven't been on here for a long time, sometimes I logged in to see if my account had gotten deleted due to inactivity – but I don't believe I need this account anymore.
I've started going to therapy, and have a stable job. I have my ups- and downs, I still have problems with my family, but I moved out. I have my own apartment. I found love. Not just in my relationship, but all around me. I don't starve anymore. I don't cut anymore. I don't beat myself anymore.
But I'll be honest, I still feel depressed from time to time, that's something that will never leave but what's different now is that I have people who'll support and help me through this when it becomes unbearable. No matter how bad it got, I never thought about CTB again.
I do not regret making this account on this site. Not at all. The people on here have always been kind to me. We were stuck in the same boat, and this page was my support.
A little over a year ago I had a severe case of pneumonia. If I hadn't called the ambulance I would've been dead by now, probably. I was stuck to machines for two weeks. I couldn't breathe without having air blown into my nostrils. My hands and feet were constantly blue. I could barely eat or drink. My lungs weren't able to function properly since the infection had spread all over them, and were filled with fluid that took 3 more months to get rid of. They never found a cause, no bacteria, no virus. I took that as a sign. I could've gotten what I'd desperately wanted, but I realized that I wanted to live. I don't regret it.
I've done so many things I'd never done before. I flew for the first time. To greece. I saw the ocean for the first time. I celebrated christmas for the first time properly. I went out to party for the first time. I smoked my first blunt. I went shopping for no one but myself for the first time. For the first time, I wasn't afraid of going home. For the first time, I ate whatever I wanted without anyone telling me anything. For the first time, I didn't think about hurting myself or downing some pills for some relief. For the first time, I LIVED. And I will keep on living. I will not give up on myself anymore. Even if I lose everything I have. I promised myself I'd build it up again.
If you're still reading this, thank you. Thank you for listening.
I hope you find your way out, whether that be by recovering or CTB. I wish the best to all of you. <3
