noon
tired
- Sep 14, 2019
- 34
Today is not my day, but my day feels so very close. I'm progressively becoming more and more tired, uninterested in everything and everyone I like, and I can see myself slowly becoming someone I hate. I feel like I'm so bitchy lately- so angry, bitter, always trying to debate/argue. I don't really understand it or why. I've officially pushed any friends I had away and stopped venting these depressing feelings to them. I feel so alone now and I don't really have anything going for me. I can't even find the energy to try and have something going for me.
For about two months, I've been thinking of jumping. That thought recently turned into partial hanging as I'm unsure I have any really tall buildings around me? And I think the nearest bridge now has, I think, a safety net on it now? There's just so much risk and I wish I had a way to just do it already, no fails.
Even if I did decide to do partial, I don't even have any rope. I thought about this one specific scarf I have. I live with other people and they have neckties? I don't know. One of them know I am suicidal and know I even started cutting again. I couldn't invest in rope if I wanted to or they'd know for sure what I was planning.
On top of all this, I feel so scared that that day is near. I don't know for sure when, but I don't see myself seeing next year... barely have the energy to go on the rest of today. Whoever said suicide is "cowardly" was stupid.
For about two months, I've been thinking of jumping. That thought recently turned into partial hanging as I'm unsure I have any really tall buildings around me? And I think the nearest bridge now has, I think, a safety net on it now? There's just so much risk and I wish I had a way to just do it already, no fails.
Even if I did decide to do partial, I don't even have any rope. I thought about this one specific scarf I have. I live with other people and they have neckties? I don't know. One of them know I am suicidal and know I even started cutting again. I couldn't invest in rope if I wanted to or they'd know for sure what I was planning.
On top of all this, I feel so scared that that day is near. I don't know for sure when, but I don't see myself seeing next year... barely have the energy to go on the rest of today. Whoever said suicide is "cowardly" was stupid.
