SuicideBoys93
I am the lord of loneliness.
- Feb 10, 2020
- 324
My wife found the boxes of my method of choice if I decide to leave. I didnt have them out in the open they were just unfortunately found and she got curious. Instead of lying, I was honest. I told her what it was. I didn't open them they're just in the garage. I said I understand how that can be scary, and frustrating. I prepared for this in advance, and came up with how I would explain. I was extremely calm, and I was very open, and agreed with what she was saying. I didn't want it to lead to an argument. She asked me what I wanted her to do. I said this is fine right now. Just a calm discussion about my elephant in the room. I know she thinks about what I think alot. I said we can revisit this conversation if you want time to take a step back, and analyze. Well that didn't happen tonight, and ended up with her telling me that she didn't want me in the house anymore. I proceeded to grab a few things, a long with the boxes. She asked where are you gonna go? I said idk. She said you're not taking those boxes. I said calmly... you don't want me in the house I'm leaving, and I'm grabbing my things. It instantly turned into you're not leaving to go kill yourself. Not once did I tell her what I planned on doing later that evening. Honestly I was going to go for it, and attempt but I wasn't going to say that at moment in time. It's hard going through life trying to help everyone the best you can, and when I'm upfront telling the truth I'm the bad guy. I'm the one that makes her cry. I'm crazy. I'm stupid. I just want this shit to leave me alone, and give me my life back. I honestly have zero people in my actual life willing to talk through the dark shit in my head. I honestly don't know I long I can keep going anymore.
