I’m in a dilemma right now

[SativaKherifa]

So I have almost fasted 24 hours and have taken meto in the meanwhile

But I don't know if I want to make my SN drink. I'm not sure why I'm hesitating so much I really want to die.

How do I push myself to do it?

 

[Jean Améry]

You shouldn't push yourself. Either you want to do it or you don't. If you're hesitating perhaps you should wait untill you're certain. Just my opinion.

 

[MachinaArcana]

Do not push yourself. There's no shame in not being ready. Put it off for now, and reach out to others to express your thoughts and feelings.
Ultimately, you will always have the freedom to decide which path you'll eventually take. But it doesn't "have" to be now...

I'm here if you want to talk.