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Anxieyote
Sobriety over everything else • 30 • Midwest
- Mar 24, 2021
- 442
Last night was a breaking point for me. Suicide death throes were at an all-time high, and I came very close to an impulse consumption of SN (which may not have even killed me). I called the suicide hotline multiple times, and recieved "decent" help, but that shit doesn't matter once you're off the phone. I still have this shitty life to contend with, and I'm still all by myself in this empty apartment with no one to talk to but the walls.
Psychosis is setting in badly, and I can't be alone. I called in sick to work, and called a local mental health organization. I was able to talk to someone over the crisis line, and they were very thorough and kind. They asked a lot of questions, and I genuinely felt listened to.
She has given me two options, though.
1. She can put me on their call list and call every few hours to check in on me and make sure I'm doing fine.
2. A 5-day visit to the psych ward (fully-covered by insurance).
I have never been to the psych ward you guys, but it really does feel like my only way out right now. She said they take your phone away and only give it to you at designated times—which is insanely triggering to me, because that's what I use to talk to you guys and distract myself.
I have read all of your psych ward experiences, and they sound awful. So what on earth should I do?
It's either get called every few hours and have a temporary friend to talk to, possibly subject myself to a traumatic psych ward experience, or CTB. None of the options sound good. Another option is throw out all the fucking alcohol and get rid of the cursed fucking demon that caused this whole situation to happen in the first place. My psychosis demons came out full force last night, and I was having a 3-way conversation with myself like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Even the stuffed animals are developing their own personalities and voices.
Help me friends, I am scared and running out of ideas. The psych ward lady is calling back in 3 hours to check in on me, so I would like some advice before then if I can.
Psychosis is setting in badly, and I can't be alone. I called in sick to work, and called a local mental health organization. I was able to talk to someone over the crisis line, and they were very thorough and kind. They asked a lot of questions, and I genuinely felt listened to.
She has given me two options, though.
1. She can put me on their call list and call every few hours to check in on me and make sure I'm doing fine.
2. A 5-day visit to the psych ward (fully-covered by insurance).
I have never been to the psych ward you guys, but it really does feel like my only way out right now. She said they take your phone away and only give it to you at designated times—which is insanely triggering to me, because that's what I use to talk to you guys and distract myself.
I have read all of your psych ward experiences, and they sound awful. So what on earth should I do?
It's either get called every few hours and have a temporary friend to talk to, possibly subject myself to a traumatic psych ward experience, or CTB. None of the options sound good. Another option is throw out all the fucking alcohol and get rid of the cursed fucking demon that caused this whole situation to happen in the first place. My psychosis demons came out full force last night, and I was having a 3-way conversation with myself like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Even the stuffed animals are developing their own personalities and voices.
Help me friends, I am scared and running out of ideas. The psych ward lady is calling back in 3 hours to check in on me, so I would like some advice before then if I can.