lwovely
cat lover
- Oct 13, 2024
- 8
I honestly feel like a coward for not being able to CTB. I keep making plans to do so but I never get around it because I am genuinely scared. I don't do well around pain which is what holds me back honestly. I know I shouldn't be suicidal but I feel like a failure knowing I am struggling with trade school. I know I just failed one weld test but I am terrified that I won't be able to make it towards the AIT exams. I feel like if I just ended my life then these issues that are expanding in my mind would go away.
I know I should be happy, I am going to school and I have a boyfriend but I honestly don't know anymore. I can barely make friends outside my campus and I feel so isolated. I don't even know if my boyfriend is interested in me at this point. He would rather spend all his money unboxing CSGO skins with his friends instead of me. Whenever I try to talk about my problems, he would rather leave me on read because "he doesn't know what to say". I can't even tell him about this because I know he would not understand. I just feel so alone. I keep trying to stay positive and push through with it but I can't do this anymore. I am honestly tired. Maybe I should admit myself but I don't want to risk losing my education even though it may be better for me mentally.
I know I should be happy, I am going to school and I have a boyfriend but I honestly don't know anymore. I can barely make friends outside my campus and I feel so isolated. I don't even know if my boyfriend is interested in me at this point. He would rather spend all his money unboxing CSGO skins with his friends instead of me. Whenever I try to talk about my problems, he would rather leave me on read because "he doesn't know what to say". I can't even tell him about this because I know he would not understand. I just feel so alone. I keep trying to stay positive and push through with it but I can't do this anymore. I am honestly tired. Maybe I should admit myself but I don't want to risk losing my education even though it may be better for me mentally.