Im gonna attempt tonight

[andromedakun]

I want to be done. I just wanna die so bad it feel so heavy in my chest. Since i was a kid I wake up everyday and the first thing i think about is wishing i didnt wake up. Im so tired and it feels unfair to be this tired when i havent done anything for my life.

Everything is so scary and confusing and I dont know what to do. I feel so stupid and useless i just want to disappear. I feel so sorry for existing like im taking up space i shouldn't have been given.

I really wish i wasn't saved in my mother's womb when i was a baby and being strangled by my own umbilical cord. (Its true i almost died bc i had it wrapped around my neck when my mother was giving birth) i wish i just never left the womb.

Gonna try to ctb tonight. Hopefully i can make it work this time. I almost succeeded last month with hanging but i chickened out. Hopefully this time with the NN method i finally find peace. Wish me luck everyone.

When i get home, im gonna stay in my room, then clean the kitchen, feed my sister's cat, give it a hug and then maybe watch a few videos on youtube while waiting for everyone to be asleep. Then I'll lie on my bed, my favorite show playing on my laptop. And then i'll say goodbye to the world. I really hope it works this time. I just want to stop suffering.

 

[MrDarkness]

I'm sorry your suffering, I'm sorry your you think your a waste of space, I know I can't change peoples mind, but remember every one has an impact on someone's life. I hope you find peace in ctb, maybe I'll cya up there soon or not. God speed

 

[Winry]

I hope you find peace, Andromedakun. Wishing you an easy transition

 

[delusionalgirl]

May there be peace with you

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really understandable just wishing for permanent peace from all the suffering, existing here certainly is so torturous, I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.

 

[andromedakun]

Thank you everyone. I've never felt more understood by anyone before. I wish i found this forum sooner, maybe I would've achieved peace a long time ago. Gonna try to ctb in a few hours when everyone is asleep.

If i survive i guess I'll update this thread. I hope i sleep forever tonight.

 

[angel31]

Im sorry your suffering, this world is terrible for some of us. I hope everything goes your way and I wish you safe passing
Good luck

(And hey I almost strangled myself too before I was born :)

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I wish you strength and may you find peace and freedom! Good luck!

 

[andromedakun]

Im sorry your suffering, this world is terrible for some of us. I hope everything goes your way and I wish you safe passing
Good luck

(And hey I almost strangled myself too before I was born :)

That must mean something. Like we're fated to always want to die. Anyway- that's pretty cool, I've never met someone who also had that experience being born xD and thanks, i hope it goes well too.
(Update)

My ratchet broke. Cant ctb. Too physically tired to go set up partial tonight. Would have to try again tomorrow when i get a new ratchet. I feel so useless. Cant even do this one thing right. Wish i was brave enough to cut myself open and bleed to death. I hate this world.

 

[Eternal Sleep!]

I respect your method, I really do, but from my understanding partial hanging is not so easy to do it the right way. If you manage to compress the arteries which supply your brain with blood, then you will pass out quickly and your really lucky!

But there is a high chance that doesn't work and you die by suffocating which is far worse, heavy SI kicking in and it can take a couple of minutes before you pass out.

Have you considered SN, Inert gasses like Nitrogen or Helium, Carbon monoxide? I think these methods are more peaceful with a higher succes rate. With hanging there is a chance if you fail you suffer moderate to heavy brain damage. Anyway it's your choice and I hope everything goes as planned. May your death be quick, painless, Fearless and successful.

Wishing you the best of luck!

 

[HappyCat]

That must mean something. Like we're fated to always want to die. Anyway- that's pretty cool, I've never met someone who also had that experience being born xD and thanks, i hope it goes well too.
(Update)

My ratchet broke. Cant ctb. Too physically tired to go set up partial tonight. Would have to try again tomorrow when i get a new ratchet. I feel so useless. Cant even do this one thing right. Wish i was brave enough to cut myself open and bleed to death. I hate this world.

If you can, you should try getting someone you should talk to like a family member. They would be devistated if you were gone which I know might sound annoying to people but at least just think of your sister's cat. Hope you'll feel better and remember that your emotions can always change, Have a safe evening and pet your cat.

 

[numbnesshuman]

Wishing you peace and have a smooth journey!

 

[smpkie]

So sorry for everything you went through. I wish you peace

 

[andromedakun]

I respect your method, I really do, but from my understanding partial hanging is not so easy to do it the right way. If you manage to compress the arteries which supply your brain with blood, then you will pass out quickly and your really lucky!

But there is a high chance that doesn't work and you die by suffocating which is far worse, heavy SI kicking in and it can take a couple of minutes before you pass out.

Have you considered SN, Inert gasses like Nitrogen or Helium, Carbon monoxide? I think these methods are more peaceful with a higher succes rate. With hanging there is a chance if you fail you suffer moderate to heavy brain damage. Anyway it's your choice and I hope everything goes as planned. May your death be quick, painless, Fearless and successful.

Wishing you the best of luck!

Im looking into CO seems cheap and easy to do. I did almost succeed with partial before that's why i was gonna try it again. Thank you for the suggestions and stuff. Really means a lot

If you can, you should try getting someone you should talk to like a family member. They would be devistated if you were gone which I know might sound annoying to people but at least just think of your sister's cat. Hope you'll feel better and remember that your emotions can always change, Have a safe evening and pet your cat.

I have talked to my sister about being suicidal actually. She doesn't think I'd actually do it. Told me that it's annoying that i wanted to ctb. I love my sister but i dont think she'd ever understand. Thanks for the well wishes.