Venting I'm going to die, why rain on my parade?

[Alnilam]

I felt this site was a safe place at first to share my transition between being fearful of the afterlife to finally coming to terms with it and accepting it. My fear of the afterlife was the only thing that was putting me off from CTB. My fears were not rooted in religious beliefs, it was the fear that I might see something horrific on the other side--a reflection of my own consciousness in some horrific, unescapable manifestation, like Silent Hill or a neverending bad dream.

I'm aware that not everyone believes in an afterlife and I respect that.

For me personally, it's like a double edged sword. By believing in an afterlife it opens up a pandoras box of infinite possibilities, some good, some bad and some downright terrifying. But because the afterlife is so mysterious and so infinite when it comes to the amount of scenarios that may greet me, I was afraid on account of every possible bad scenario that may await me. But also enlightened by the idea that--perhaps the afterlife is merciful and may offer some consolation for the experience we have on earth.

Yet just the thought of seeing horrific entities-- if As above, So below is true, than the evil people I see on this plane of existence may have different more frightening forms in the afterlife. More nefarious and more direct ways of causing and benefiting from my suffering than what is humanly possible on earth.

I've since put these fears at rest--as my suffering on earth has reached its apex, I feel CTB is my last attempt at achieving peace. I am DESPERATE to escape this meat prison--the source of my suffering for YEARS. But I still love life, I didn't want to die--had I not gotten into an accident, I'd still very much want to live. IT's just that I'm in constant PAIN. So naturally, I'm trying to comfort myself as best as I can, prepare myself mentally for the inevitable. I know the idea of a black death or an eternal slumber may be comfort for some, but it is NOT a comfort for me.

Please please PLEASE do not try and tell me that there is nothing after death. I'm a staunch believer of the afterlife because I CANNOT accept that there is NOTHING--because if I did, It'd only reinforce that FEAR that death is final, that it is the final say--that my painful experience in this body will be my LAST, for reasons beyond my control. Every sense of comfort and consolation I have to CTB is rooted in the afterlife. To try and take that from me is like telling a child on her deathbed, that her life was meaningless and that her death is infinitely as hopeless and meaningless. It is cruel.

 

[Hollowillow]

Santa clauss existed. He gave home nade toys to the poor. But he's dead now. So we have to follow his example and be kind to each other. Not with mindkessly buying to fill greed... Just to share compassion.

This is what I'd tell to my kid.

About the afterlife, I daw 2 things. The 2nd was The Nothing. Sleep without nightmares. I miss it.

The first one was amazing. At first I saw the tunnel of light as I slipped away, staring at the ceiling, like seeing 2 things at once. Like a projector. It looked Kinda like star treck super drive through stars? White lines...

I panicked thinking "ut exists!?" I feared that it was the path to heaven. I don't want to spend eternity with jesus, cavemen, hitler was christian...

I asked "what does life after death looks like". My inner voice of replied "that's not the right question"

I realuzed that life is life, death is death... But ut's one. Like a yin yang. In the same reality. Energy cannot be created or destroyed, everything changes, everything is energy.

So instead I asked "what does the universe looks like outside of space & time...

I had a vision on me slowly moving on the right... Flying outside of the tunnel of light, going further into pitch black nothingness (oh so I did see The Nothing the first time too)

Then I slowly turned to look behind me... And I finally understood quantum physics.

I saw not just 1 path of light, but many, like the roots and branches of golden trees. Infinite possibilities. Then I saw an entire forest of light coming out of the darkness, as if I just didn't notice... One for each life, crossing branches & roots with other trees.

A magnificent forest of golden light, of endless possibilities.

I was intimidated by eternity, and filled with hope.

I asked "my branch of lufe is over (I took steroid drugs, they athrophied my glands by replacing them, and stopping the drugs gave my body an adrenal shock &...) I'm dying."

"Yes"

"If I choose the opposite path, to nourish my body to rebuild my glands... Will I walk back on the wrong path and reach a longer branch?"

"Yes."

So I got up slowly... Dragged myself to the grocery store one step at a time... Each step struggling like crossing a mountain to not pass out... Bought some broccoli & stuff... Forced fed my face.

Did it work? Of course it works. That's true biology, true healing. By eating life.

But accidents & assault happened... I'm constantly poisonned in my home. I am too sick to go out. No one care. I get threats... I know how to survive... Trash everything, rent a room... Or travel the world with a backpack... But I feel too tired, hurt, scared... I wish I could go to japan... But my brain is broken. I can't work. I can't even watch tv and go pick up sn in the mail if I did...

Even if I overcome ruining my new beggining... I'll just ruin the next. Or people will beat me and hit me with cars until I can't move. I refuse to get up.

I had plans... Projects... I think that after my death my energy will disperse... Or live etetnity into The Nothing... So I won't be a simple mortal anymore. I evolved many times into a different person. From anorexic workaholic to bedridden into nutrition. Even my cells changed in my entire body I'm a clone, a copy.

I am the sums of all the cells that I had, have and will have. God is the sums of all the life forms that were, are, and will be. 1 life form that duplicated itself & adapted. You are the fishes, the birds, you are me.

Is there a life after death? Yes, it's in front of you. I guess we should fight instead to flee. The way immigrants should fight to better their country instead to flee in a place where people already fought to death for freedom. We forgot and let them take it over a flu... I wish I could flee to another planet.

About the soul, it's energy. The sun is a ball of electricity, absorbed by plants, then herbivores, then carnivores... There is just 1 soul. We all have the same soul. We are one.

So dying when broken is probably like shedding hairs and nail clippings, or skin cells. They served their purpose beautifully, even the butt hole... The whole continue.

I was never born and I will never die.

I am just a part of the collective, exploring infinite pissibilities to discover them all. Good, bad, equally precious knowledge in eternity.

I hate humans because they dominated instead to be in harmony. Interrupting the flow of life... Feeding toxins, trapped in boxes.

The only way to flee this madness seems to be extinction.

I wouldn't have the memories stored in my meat, but I think I'd keep the wisdom. I think animals are wiser to not ruin their environment and adapt. They might be the most evolved.

I hope I'll have a more viable body in a better world. Exploring the universe with curiosity. But I am tired. I'd like to sleep in the nothing. Until all my traumas melt away.

 

[StolenLife]

I just hope for better circumstances next time around. No dark primordial eldritch abomination of an entity can be worse than some people I've had to deal with in this life and the reality I'm living in this life is already hell. At least with death there is hope, if I stay in this life I know for a fact nothing will change until I die.

 

[Hollowillow]

I just hope for better circumstances next time around. No dark primordial eldritch abomination of an entity can be worse than some people I've had to deal with in this life and the reality I'm living in this life is already hell. At least with death there is hope, if I stay in this life I know for a fact nothing will change until I die.

I feel the same. Demons are narcissists and such... Hell is here

 

[Alnilam]

I just don't understand where people get off from telling other people that something like the afterlife doesn't exist. We're all coping and struggling to find the courage to go through with what is universally considered the most biggest finality of one's life--death. it's perfectly harmless to you for someone to believe that their soul lives on after death, so why do some people feel the need to go out of their way to prove them wrong? Let me believe in Santa Claus for all I care. The afterlife is the biggest mystery that no one knows for sure--that no one can prove real or unreal and even if it isn't real, believing in it is the one thing that gives some of us comfort ffs. Least I'm not using my belief to hurt, profit and manipulate others like some religions out there.

 

[Hollowillow]

I just don't understand where people get off from telling other people that something like the afterlife doesn't exist. We're all coping and struggling to find the courage to go through with what is universally considered the most biggest finality of one's life--death. it's perfectly harmless to you for someone to believe that their soul lives on after death, so why do some people feel the need to go out of their way to prove them wrong? Let me believe in Santa Claus for all I care. The afterlife is the biggest mystery that no one knows for sure--that no one can prove real or unreal and even if it isn't real, believing in it is the one thing that gives some of us comfort ffs. Least I'm not using my belief to hurt, profit and manipulate others like some religions out there.

If you meant me, I was just sharing my personal experience & opinions about it.

I have no family, no loved ones, only abuse... I can't imagine the after life being an eternal continuation of such loneliness. It'd be hell.

I saw someone loved by their family who wanted to ctb just to see his deceased mother again... I thought it was cruel to tell them they might not meet their mother, but it'd be crueller to let them go into the nothing while so many people loved them... It's hard to grieve...

I think if I gad other lives before, I don't remember the traumas and I'm grateful for that...

But I wish you to have a beautiful after life.

 

[Hope:-)]

I believe in an afterlife. I don't believe in eternal punishment. Lots of love to you xx

 

[Cathy Ames]

I just don't understand where people get off from telling other people that something like the afterlife doesn't exist.

I don't know, but I'd guess that some of them may be well-meaning in doing this. And others just like to pontificate and argue (to feel smart or impressive or whatever), ignoring the fact that there is a person behind the post.

 

[FuneralCry]

Hopefully after this everyone will be able to go to where they want to be. If people find comfort in the afterlife then hopefully one exists just for them and if other people find comfort in the thought of eternal sleep then they should be able to be at permanent rest once they leave this world. Everyone has different views and beliefs regarding the afterlife and that is fine.

 

[lionetta12]

I felt this site was a safe place at first to share my transition between being fearful of the afterlife to finally coming to terms with it and accepting it. My fear of the afterlife was the only thing that was putting me off from CTB. My fears were not rooted in religious beliefs, it was the fear that I might see something horrific on the other side--a reflection of my own consciousness in some horrific, unescapable manifestation, like Silent Hill or a neverending bad dream.

I'm aware that not everyone believes in an afterlife and I respect that.

For me personally, it's like a double edged sword. By believing in an afterlife it opens up a pandoras box of infinite possibilities, some good, some bad and some downright terrifying. But because the afterlife is so mysterious and so infinite when it comes to the amount of scenarios that may greet me, I was afraid on account of every possible bad scenario that may await me. But also enlightened by the idea that--perhaps the afterlife is merciful and may offer some consolation for the experience we have on earth.

Yet just the thought of seeing horrific entities-- if As above, So below is true, than the evil people I see on this plane of existence may have different more frightening forms in the afterlife. More nefarious and more direct ways of causing and benefiting from my suffering than what is humanly possible on earth.

I've since put these fears at rest--as my suffering on earth has reached its apex, I feel CTB is my last attempt at achieving peace. I am DESPERATE to escape this meat prison--the source of my suffering for YEARS. But I still love life, I didn't want to die--had I not gotten into an accident, I'd still very much want to live. IT's just that I'm in constant PAIN. So naturally, I'm trying to comfort myself as best as I can, prepare myself mentally for the inevitable. I know the idea of a black death or an eternal slumber may be comfort for some, but it is NOT a comfort for me.

Please please PLEASE do not try and tell me that there is nothing after death. I'm a staunch believer of the afterlife because I CANNOT accept that there is NOTHING--because if I did, It'd only reinforce that FEAR that death is final, that it is the final say--that my painful experience in this body will be my LAST, for reasons beyond my control. Every sense of comfort and consolation I have to CTB is rooted in the afterlife. To try and take that from me is like telling a child on her deathbed, that her life was meaningless and that her death is infinitely as hopeless and meaningless. It is cruel.

I personally have never believed that there's anything after death but nothingness, eternal sleep and that there's no afterlife. However, I do respect other people's opinions and views that are the opposite of mine. I don't know the answer to this question. None of us do until we actually CTB. If there is an afterlife, I hope you can find peace there.

 

[Lifeaballache]

I don't want to die. If I had the choice i would live in a little cottage in the middle of nowhere and live with dogs and cats for the rest of my days but I don't have the money for that....
Because I'm a failure.

 

[Alnilam]

I don't want to die. If I had the choice i would live in a little cottage in the middle of nowhere and live with dogs and cats for the rest of my days but I don't have the money for that....
Because I'm a failure.

You're not a failure. Life was made 10x harder by the elite few who want to hoard all the wealth. We were doomed from the start by the greedy rich. Everyone can feel the effects of it now, believe me, you're not alone. I'd love to live on a cozy little cottage homestead somewhere like in the Moomins too.

 

[Hollowillow]

You're not a failure. Life was made 10x harder by the elite few who want to hoard all the wealth. We were doomed from the start by the greedy rich. Everyone can feel the effects of it now, believe me, you're not alone. I'd love to live on a cozy little cottage homestead somewhere like in the Moomins too.

Even the rich don't have cottages. Too busy planning world domination and doing a cock measuring contest but with our tax money & dead kids. I'd rather drink our coolaid than adrenochrome.

 

[Lifeaballache]

You're not a failure. Life was made 10x harder by the elite few who want to hoard all the wealth. We were doomed from the start by the greedy rich. Everyone can feel the effects of it now, believe me, you're not alone. I'd love to live on a cozy little cottage homestead somewhere like in the Moomins too.

Awhhh you're sweet. I really needed that ❤❤

 

[makethepainstop]

You're not a failure. Life was made 10x harder by the elite few who want to hoard all the wealth. We were doomed from the start by the greedy rich. Everyone can feel the effects of it now, believe me, you're not alone. I'd love to live on a cozy little cottage homestead somewhere like in the Moomins too.

Your so very right. The powerful only care about themselves, then when you get tired of participating in this rigged game......they won't let you ctb cause they need you consume their products, work and pay taxes.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I just don't understand where people get off from telling other people that something like the afterlife doesn't exist.

Because if I believed in an afterlife, I wouldn't be able to CTB. People that don't believe in an afterlife have the opposite dilemma as you. They don't want to hear that there is an afterlife.

 

[Alnilam]

Because if I believed in an afterlife, I wouldn't be able to CTB. People that don't believe in an afterlife have the opposite dilemma as you. They don't want to hear that there is an afterlife.

My idea of an afterlife doesn't involve hell or heaven or eternal punishment based on past deeds, so how is it any harm to anyone what I believe in and mention on here? I don't go out of my way to attack people who don't believe in the afterlife, yet somehow its been this way for me. It makes zero sense and just seems cruel.

Your so very right. The powerful only care about themselves, then when you get tired of participating in this rigged game......they won't let you ctb cause they need you consume their products, work and pay taxes.

Exactly this.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

My idea of an afterlife doesn't involve hell or heaven or eternal punishment based on past deeds, so how is it any harm to anyone what I believe in and mention on here? I don't go out of my way to attack people who don't believe in the afterlife, yet somehow its been this way for me. It makes zero sense and just seems cruel.

First, I didn't attack your belief that there is an afterlife. It makes no difference to me what anyone believes. For you, there is no harm in what you believe. To be brutally honest, I don't care what you believe. I have my own beliefs and no one can convince me otherwise. Isn't that at the crux of what belief is? I am only commenting because YOU posited the question, "I just don't understand where people get off from telling other people that something like the afterlife doesn't exist.", and your post in general, especially the last paragraph, pretty much discounts other's beliefs that there is nothing after death. I mean, you're telling people that an afterlife of some sort does exist, why are you so dismissive of others who tell you their belief that there isn't? I want there to be nothing after death. I need there to be nothing after death. Just as your belief in an afterlife may allow you to ctb someday with some peace of mind, my belief in nothing after death is what will allow me to be comfortable with my decision to ctb.

 

[akirat9]

Your so very right. The powerful only care about themselves, then when you get tired of participating in this rigged game......they won't let you ctb cause they need you consume their products, work and pay taxes.

is some many people, not need me is for sure
is have trillions others

 

[Lullaby]

I agree. There was a member on here who had her vision of the afterlife, and in her goodbye post she asked people to respect that.

I feel the same way as you, and I don't really care to debate anyone else about it. Neither should you.

It's how you feel, it's what you believe, and it's what's going to bring you the most comfort in passing on. That's all that matters.

 

[makethepainstop]

Yes but some of us have seen that plane of existence, before being brought back, by misguided medical pro life people. It's nice on the other side, this from my having been there.

 

[Alnilam]

Yes but some of us have seen that plane of existence, before being brought back, by misguided medical pro life people. It's nice on the other side, this from my having been there.

What was it like for you? I'm skeptical of NDES but some have so much evidence to back them up, the idea that some of them may be true is a comfort, I'd love to hear your experience.

First, I didn't attack your belief that there is an afterlife. It makes no difference to me what anyone believes. For you, there is no harm in what you believe. To be brutally honest, I don't care what you believe. I have my own beliefs and no one can convince me otherwise. Isn't that at the crux of what belief is? I am only commenting because YOU posited the question.

In your post you wrote, ''when people mention it to you, it makes it difficult for me to ctb.'' How? That's the whole reason why I replied to your post, I don't believe in anything religious like an eternal punishment or total annihilation based on judgment--which is what upsets most people who dislike the idea of an afterlife. I don't believe in heaven or hell. I believe in an afterlife where we can either create--whether it be to our own benefit or not, leave our bodies and/or be repurposed.