Venting I'm going to ctb in a month

[missmiseery]

I tried to stay here and fight for my independence from my family, to fight for the things I believe in and to have friends and people who actually cared about me but I failed at everything. I'm in a point of my life in which I don't expect things to get better anymore, I just live and wait for things to sort out eventually, but I've made my decision now. I tried going to therapy last year but that's for people that actually have some kind of possibility of improving, and I know I don't because I'm a fucked up person since I was a child. I tried talking to my friends but if I don't make an effort to keep them in my life, they leave so I'm not doing it anymore. The only good thing about it is that I'll stop being a burden and nobody will really care if I'm dead. I'm just sorry for my cats but my family can take care of them. I'm going to order SN and take it next month, my roommate will be travelling so nobody will stop me. I feel peaceful about dying. The only thing bothering me is that I'll have to live a month acting like nothing is happening and I actually care about the future lol I wish I could just use the amount of drugs I wanted to, go to a lot of places and fucking die next. But I have to pretend like I've been doing my entire life.

 

[saddestbunny]

in my experience not many question if u make random changes in ur life like that - enjoying your last month and doing what u want sounds important but I understand wanting to act like everything's okay and make sure nothing goes wrong at all

either way I hope you find the peace you are looking for

 

[missmiseery]

in my experience not many question if u make random changes in ur life like that - enjoying your last month and doing what u want sounds important but I understand wanting to act like everything's okay and make sure nothing goes wrong at all

either way I hope you find the peace you are looking for

well i've never actually came this far so i don't really know what to do while i'm waiting for this to arrive, but even now that i'm more isolated, i'm afraid someone will find out specially because my parents doesn't respect my privacy. thank you for your response

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really tiring and awful having to suffer like that, I hope you eventually find the freedom you search for, I understand why you feel relieved at the thought of finally being free.