Venting i'm going soon

[ctbcat]

i've decided it finally. within the next month i'm going to ctb.

i wanted things to be perfect when i did it. wanted to be thinner, wanted to be worse. but nothing, even shit like this, can ever be perfect, can it?

i'm tired of fighting. i'm so so tired of it. i wish i spent all those years destroying myself actually doing something.

i know the nature of these forums of course, so i'll leave with some good will, and say i hope you guys are able to find the way out that i couldn't. i wouldn't wish this shit on anybody. depression is a fucking parasite.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best with your plans and I hope that when the time is right for you to leave you find the freedom you are searching for.

 

[bluebus]

I'm really sorry that it's come to this. I really am. I understand your want for everything to be perfect. I felt the same way, but now I've realized: why keep why keep striving for perfection, why keep struggling. Had enough of that, now it's time to live and let be until it's time.
You deserve to find freedom. You deserve peace. And I am sorry for all the pain and suffering you've been through.
I wish you the best, whatever you may chose. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to reach out.

 

[SolomonKado]

i've decided it finally. within the next month i'm going to ctb.

i wanted things to be perfect when i did it. wanted to be thinner, wanted to be worse. but nothing, even shit like this, can ever be perfect, can it?

i'm tired of fighting. i'm so so tired of it. i wish i spent all those years destroying myself actually doing something.

i know the nature of these forums of course, so i'll leave with some good will, and say i hope you guys are able to find the way out that i couldn't. i wouldn't wish this shit on anybody. depression is a fucking parasite.

I kind of understand what you're getting at. I kept putting it off waiting for this or that as I got worse.

I'm terrified if I don't soon then everything will get 10 times worse because of my track record in this world.

Now I'm at a cross road and I have to make a decision now. For better or worse I hope you find absolute peace. Good luck in whatever you choose.