Venting im genuinely scared of what ill do if he leaves

[anyyz]

so to start this off i wouldn't blame him if he left (my S/O), im hard to deal with and i let my emotions consume me too easily, hes my favourite person in the whole wide world and im just terrified that he'll leave, i spend most nights crying in my room shaking due to this thought and if the day actually ever comes im sure I'll start planning to just end it all. Ive subconsciously left everything behind for him, my hobbies, some of my friends and i just dont know what ill reduce to if he leaves, i get jealous at the tiniest of things and breakdown so easily its hard to even keep up with my waves of emotions. Im so stuck and fed up with myself sometimes i feel like its not even worth the pain anymore

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be painful what you are going through, I do find it dreadful how existing can very easily get much worse. But anyway best wishes.

 

[alonely]

i'm going through a very similar situation. i'm completely alone now. i don't have any advise but just wanted to say that i can relate. hugs, good luck.

 

[SexyIncél]

Hmm... How hard is it to tell him what you told us?

Does this cause him to feel pressure? Or is he the unusual sort with a good sense of humor about it, trying to comfort you?

 

[anyyz]

Hmm... How hard is it to tell him what you told us?

Does this cause him to feel pressure? Or is he the unusual sort with a good sense of humor about it, trying to comfort you?

hes aware of my issues and has tried to help me with it, only i feel lately hes getting progressively more tired of me. I dont fully blame him

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

hes aware of my issues and has tried to help me with it, only i feel lately hes getting progressively more tired of me. I dont fully blame him

What makes you think he is getting tired of you? Have you tried therapy ??

 

[Slasher]

I have a gf with bpd and a lot of other mental problems so I'll try to give you mine and def also your boyfriends perspective. if he cares enough to ask you about your day, to send you goodmorning or goodnight texts, check up on you, give you love, care for you and most importantly put up and deal with your mental problems and still stay, you have nothing to worry about. my gf causes me so many sleepless nights, scars, pain, tears with how she treats me but i know its because of her mental health and she cant do anything about it. she always says I can do better and yeah i can but i dont want better i want her. sometimes i need a break too and that can come off as me getting tired of her but i sometimes need my space. as long as you fulfill his emotional needs in the relationship you will be fine. if you have any other questions feel free to pm. he cares about you and wont leave dont stress it

 

[MeltingBrain]

What issues do you have ?

 

[anyyz]

What makes you think he is getting tired of you? Have you tried therapy ??

i think apart of the reason i think hes getting tired of me is my abandonment issues, i overthink and when he doesn't try to reach out first or leaves me on read or cancels plans it feels as if my whole world is crumbling, also sadly ive not been able to seek therapy due to being too scared, its hard to reach out when u don't believe u have actual problems and family wont even listen

What issues do you have ?

im suspecting possible bpd(?) not trying to self diagnose lol so i just call them issues for now

I have a gf with bpd and a lot of other mental problems so I'll try to give you mine and def also your boyfriends perspective. if he cares enough to ask you about your day, to send you goodmorning or goodnight texts, check up on you, give you love, care for you and most importantly put up and deal with your mental problems and still stay, you have nothing to worry about. my gf causes me so many sleepless nights, scars, pain, tears with how she treats me but i know its because of her mental health and she cant do anything about it. she always says I can do better and yeah i can but i dont want better i want her. sometimes i need a break too and that can come off as me getting tired of her but i sometimes need my space. as long as you fulfill his emotional needs in the relationship you will be fine. if you have any other questions feel free to pm. he cares about you and wont leave dont stress it

Thank you, i know deep down he truly cares, at times i just stress, overthink everything and every little action, also he's put up with me for nearly 2 years, i just get anxious if anything

 

[Aisley]

I got the one I wanted. After a year or two of being too terrified to do anything. Then I got him, and aside from the frenzy of fucking, it was hell. Constant terror I would lose him. Spontaneously just balling at work and shit. It was terrible. I broke friendships because I had a need to give him all my energy, and every moment away from him was pain. If someone tried to say something about him, I ended that, too. I'm still with him, btw, and in a manner where we can take each other for granted, like in a healthy way. But Jesus. I think back to that shit very rarely, and can only be grateful I hid the most crazy shit from him.

If you lose him tomorrow, you spent so much time mourning the relationship already- like the time you have with him, you're wasting. But what do I know? I still don't know how I got past that. Good luck, and ride him hard til then, i guess.

 

[anyyz]

I got the one I wanted. After a year or two of being too terrified to do anything. Then I got him, and aside from the frenzy of fucking, it was hell. Constant terror I would lose him. Spontaneously just balling at work and shit. It was terrible. I broke friendships because I had a need to give him all my energy, and every moment away from him was pain. If someone tried to say something about him, I ended that, too. I'm still with him, btw, and in a manner where we can take each other for granted, like in a healthy way. But Jesus. I think back to that shit very rarely, and can only be grateful I hid the most crazy shit from him.

If you lose him tomorrow, you spent so much time mourning the relationship already- like the time you have with him, you're wasting. But what do I know? I still don't know how I got past that. Good luck, and ride him hard til then, i guess.

Relationships are truly complicated

 

[Majestatea Masiva]

Mine left, Im still consumed by it even 13months later, I have been wanting to just die ever since and it only got worse and worse, I am not the same person as before. the universe is hell. I genuinely pray that yours never leaves you, because this is literally the absolute worst ive ever felt, I swear not even growing up in the ghetto compares in pain to the feeling of having been abandoned by the one I loved most in all of my life

 

[FadingSunshine]

It's so easy to let your brain mess with you about if your S/O loves you, the smallest things can cause doubt. I was in your situation a while ago. It's so fucked up how you don't know if the signs you see are just in your head or if they're real.