nihilism44
trying my best
- May 2, 2021
- 79
I am a functionally depressed person. I go to work, school, and I spend time with my s/o as much as I can. Nobody knows that I am constantly thinking about dying. Everything takes so much effort and I'm running out of energy. I don't even know how I am getting out of bed in the morning. It's getting so bad now that I'm beginning to self-sabotage (calling out of work often, recklessly spending, failing classes, cutting off all of my close friends and family) I guess with hopes that if it gets bad enough I will have the guts to go through with dying. Even with all of these drastic personality changes nobody has truly asked if I'm okay. I know I should reach out for help and try to better myself before I do anything.. but I don't think I want help. Nothing brings me joy anymore. I just want to go peacefully without anyone trying to intervene. The only thing keeping me here is that I'm worried about the few people that will be left devastated. They might even go with me shortly after and I can't handle the thought of that.