I’m fucking done.

[livingonlytodie]

My life has taken a slow dive over the last few years & I'm finally at my limit. Even after I escape my toxic, evil ,narcissistic & abusive family then what? I'll be forced to be a wage slave for 60 something years & I'll most likely never retire. I hate EVERYTHING that comes with being a human & im at peace with my decision. I don't want a boyfriend anymore or to be loved or anything like that. All I want is to die.
Forcing me to stay alive is sadistic. I've experienced so much abuse it's actually unbelievable. This will most likely be my last post on here so I can live out my last days quietly & in peace before I go lmao. I'm so glad this is what I've decided on. If I stay alive the abuse will continue just like it always has & no, things are not gonna get better. Why stay just to suffer when I can just go right now?

 

[Thefuture]

To be fair you never know what the future will be like. There's powers in the world that want you miserable you should try fight them but I know it's hard.

 

[Boots2Scoots]

It's insane how 90% of society is just okay and proceeds to force everyone else to keep pushing on. Regardless of the mental, emotional and physical trauma some of us deal with daily. They don't know how it feels to never feel normal. To feel like everything is just more fight than it's worth. My mom's favorite quote growing up was, "You're born, you live, you die. And oh yeah, you pay taxes in between." As a child I thought that was kind of a weird view to have but she's right. I don't want to do it like that. Scrape by for 50-60 years just to get pushed aside once we're not useful enough. Idk. I don't have the mental capacity for it anymore. Some people fall to religion for this reason but in my personal experiences, I'm the only person that's ever been here in my brain. And nobody will ever grant me "peace" from it all.

I hope if you stick around that things start to go your way. There truly can be happiness and value in living for some people. On the other hand, if you ever decide to CTB... I hope it's everything you'd ever dreamt of.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just wish to be free from it all as well, I'd personally never wish for the suffering of human existence, it's so horrible and cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I hope that you find the freedom you search for.

 

[livingonlytodie]

To be fair you never know what the future will be like. There's powers in the world that want you miserable you should try fight them but I know it's hard.

I totally agree with you & understand what you are saying! But it's so hard to continue living in a world like this.

 

[livingonlytodie]

I just wish to be free from it all as well, I'd personally never wish for the suffering of human existence, it's so horrible and cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I hope that you find the freedom you search for.

I'm speed running life & im on my way to the end so fast. I originally set my goal for December but I don't know if I'll be able to wait that long. Fuck just the thought of me dead & at peace makes me so happy! I will never have to work again.

 

[Andrew10]

Spending so much time with people that unfortunately you cannot remove them for different reasons, not being of legal age, financial problems, having a younger relative and wanting to be their guardian against those monsters, etc. It has great possibilities of fucking up your point of view about this world and life.

When it comes to receiving advice or help, almost everyone says the same thing, endure what you can with these monsters to leave, go into no contact in some cases and never come back. But almost no one takes into account the consequences and among them is losing interest in living even after being free because they destroy one's way of thinking, development and the illusion of living. Also the strict and abusive actions of this type of monsters that retain one's happiness cause social problems and relationships with classmates and friends or you can have an extra bonus and suffer bullying at school causing that when you are free and you are no longer with them You will be alone or almost and have no interest in socializing either because that sabotages and ruins one's chances of simply being minimally happy at such a young age. And now after not having the opportunity to create beautiful memories or having some and having them ruined suddenly, it's time to exchange your time for a simple and miserable piece of shitty green paper for about 60 years in a system that never you asked to be born.

Your post gave me a lot to think about since I also related some of this. Whether you read this or not and whatever your decision is as long as you stay here. Know that I send you a big hug, encouragement and peace from a distance. Stay strong my friend. Adiós ❤

 

[livingonlytodie]

Thank you so much for commenting Andrew!! Yes I read everything you said & agree wholeheartedly. From a very young age it seemed like it was already too late for me & most of my issues lie with the world itself , my family is simply an extension of that. Sending you so much love & thank you for the virtual hug!!

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

Spending so much time with people that unfortunately you cannot remove them for different reasons, not being of legal age, financial problems, having a younger relative and wanting to be their guardian against those monsters, etc. It has great possibilities of fucking up your point of view about this world and life.

When it comes to receiving advice or help, almost everyone says the same thing, endure what you can with these monsters to leave, go into no contact in some cases and never come back. But almost no one takes into account the consequences and among them is losing interest in living even after being free because they destroy one's way of thinking, development and the illusion of living. Also the strict and abusive actions of this type of monsters that retain one's happiness cause social problems and relationships with classmates and friends or you can have an extra bonus and suffer bullying at school causing that when you are free and you are no longer with them You will be alone or almost and have no interest in socializing either because that sabotages and ruins one's chances of simply being minimally happy at such a young age. And now after not having the opportunity to create beautiful memories or having some and having them ruined suddenly, it's time to exchange your time for a simple and miserable piece of shitty green paper for about 60 years in a system that never you asked to be born.

Your post gave me a lot to think about since I also related some of this. Whether you read this or not and whatever your decision is as long as you stay here. Know that I send you a big hug, encouragement and peace from a distance. Stay strong my friend. Adiós ❤

My current history right now... I'm so tired of dealing with life, too, because this had to exists...

 

[livingonlytodie]

My current history right now... I'm so tired of dealing with life, too, because this had to exists...

The most annoying thing EVER. So much work is required to be alive & have you been watching the news lately? With Trump in office things are only gonna get worse. I just want peace LOL

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

The most annoying thing EVER. So much work is required to be alive & have you been watching the news lately? With Trump in office things are only gonna get worse. I just want peace LOL

My life was destroyed when I was born and endured what you went through and was forced to survive by having to sell myself to a homeless shelter to get the assistance and endured more abuse and harmful neglect in the hands of people who was suppose to be helping me... it doesn't get fucking better... I just am so done with people. Your comment reminds me to stay away from anyone who supports Trump, as my former therapist, who was given to me because for some reason she was never assigned to me until I was 18, treated me like a baby because I was 'autistic', had insulted me weeks ago because I change my number because people traumatize me and she told me that Trump was a good guy, and she's Christian... Lol, lies.

 

[human909]

I just wish for peace too, I wish everyday that I can just leave and have everlasting peace. I feel like sometimes that the world just wants us to be in pain and this is so unfair. I hope you find peace soon.

 

[livingonlytodie]

Having to sell yourself to survive sucks so badly. Why do men have to be horny beasts who won't help unless you get naked? UGH I totally understand why you changed your number! Having a new number gives you a fresh start & also revokes evil people's access to you so they can't traumatize you further!

I just wish for peace too, I wish everyday that I can just leave and have everlasting peace. I feel like sometimes that the world just wants us to be in pain and this is so unfair. I hope you find peace soon.

Thank you human909!!! I hope you have an amazing day & get granted peace. No matter what that looks like

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

Having to sell yourself to survive sucks so badly. Why do men have to be horny beasts who won't help unless you get naked? UGH I totally understand why you changed your number! Having a new number gives you a fresh start & also revokes evil people's access to you so they can't traumatize you further!

Thank you human909!!! I hope you have an amazing day & get granted peace. No matter what that looks like

My own parents were scum... :< And yep I still haven't lived a normal life after three years and delt with female abusive a lot then too and men wanting things from me... still gives me creeps and I was gangraped a year prior too...

This world is not shit to live in when men are this way and thank you for your kind words Y^Y
Therapists are literally trash. Hehe I give the kind support here, not the other way around :>

 

[livingonlytodie]

^_^ At least after we are gone nobody will abuse us ever again. Being a minority & watching gay men who voted for Trump reach out to me makes me sick to my stomach. How on earth do they vote against our right to live & then try to fuck us afterwards?

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

^_^ At least after we are gone nobody will abuse us ever again. Being a minority & watching gay men who voted for Trump reach out to me makes me sick to my stomach. How on earth do they vote against our right to live & then try to fuck us afterwards?

Agreed and have been my wish for years!! the men of this world is so trash... Gosh, I wonder why they just admit they fuck men and don't like all women already... Just so rude and manipulative... For the fact that they wanted a redo years prior to be president speaks volume when it was an older half baked orange as president when a Clinton could've done as much progress, even if she is trash, than the men they keep voting. Both candidates were trash this time around too, but I voted for Kamala enough because I rather not care and just want those idiots to not choose a billionaire... Everything was so crazy this year, I just wanted to be dead so damn badly...