Venting I'm fucked up again.

[bumoshi]

My mom found my cuts in my legs and I'm going to see a fucking psychologist this friday.
I don't want any fucking help, not from them, not from my father or my mother because is their fault that I'm like this, I'm literally so paranoid right know, I feel like someone or something is watching me, is 5 am and I can't stop smoking, I wish I killed myself before, I don't fucking care if they feel bad or whatever.

Is their fault that I'm fucking traumatized, what the hell is wrong with them.
they screamed, punched and broker my things, toys and didn't let me have friends as a child and they still think this is my fucking fault?
I hate them I wish I could kill them, I'm so fucking angry right now.
The images won't go away. Images of me driving the knife into their flesh continuously, fucking their body with the blade, making a mess of them. My head starts going crazy as my thoughts start to return. Shooting pain assaults my mind along with my thoughts. This is disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. How could I ever let myself think these things?
This is all their fault.

 

[Brackenshire]

Is there anything you could do for a diversion, video games, favorite music or movie

 

[Lost1804]

How can they make you see a psychiatrist? Are you a minor?

 

[bumoshi]

I'm not, but they force me and I can't do nothing about it

How can they make you see a psychiatrist? Are you a minor?

 

[Lost1804]

I'm not, but they force me and I can't do nothing about it

What are your parents likely to do if you refuse?
Have you any siblings who could support you?

 

[bumoshi]

What are your parents likely to do if you refuse?
Have you any siblings who could support you?

hit me, kick me out, I don't have money, a job or studies to find one, and I don't have friend to stay with

 

[Lost1804]

hit me, kick me out, I don't have money, a job or studies to find one, and I don't have friend to stay with

OMG !!! So they've got you cornered?? Do as we say or else!! What about relations?

 

[Lunarhour]

If your parents want you to see a psychiatrist, then that means that they care for you and love you. I think you should take the psychiatric help that your parents provided, vent out your feelings to the psychiatrist and cooperate.