Venting I'm finally doing it tonight

[sasshimi]

I don't post much on SS nor am I that active of a member but reading people's stories and experiences on this site made me feel accepted in a strange way. Alas, I have decided to do full suspension as my method. I practiced partial suspension too many times and it proved to be an ineffective method which resulted a 2 week stay at a psych ward. I'm tired of getting up to nothing, I don't really have anything going on in my life aside from the strong, looming urge to ctb. I have my family but I have never felt more lonely in life until this past month alone. I've lost all connection with every friend I have made this past year and my financial situation factors in my suicidality as well. No matter how hard I try to connect with people, there is this overwhelming distance and I'm too detached from reality as it appears. My social skills will always be subpar and I honestly think I'm destined to take myself out for good. The world is too intimidating for the weak-willed. The majority of us have little to no control over our circumstances, however, I feel relieved knowing that I can accept my mortality and achieve the nothingness I long for.
Thank you everyone on here at SS for all the useful info and wonderful incentives. SS became a haven I go to to feel less lonely. If I somehow don't go through with it, you will hear from me sometime soon. Otherwise - I have successfully ctb! <3

 

[Freedom Believer]

Rest easy, friend.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

Don't forget your two coin's to pay the ferryman,or you'll be trapped in limbo forever! Peaceful journey @null08

 

[ocklepold]

Good luck, I hope everything goes well.

 

[Eadamk]

Look don't do it if you have no options.!if you want to talk, I'm here. I've been suicidal since my wife died. I've met someone and thing's have picked up. It can for you

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Godspeed.

 

[demuic]

Good luck. This world is not for everyone.

 

[TriggerHappy]

Do not go gentle into that good night! ::

:- whatever you do, be the brave that u are!
:: have the faith and the conviction that this is yr destiny.
(☆ i understand yr decision; knowing this decision is not reached lightly...)
Respect.
XM // Trigger

 

[ClownMe]

Wishing you safe travels to eternal peace

 

[fox_wannabe]

Be free and at peace

 

[Death is beautiful]

Good luck

 

[FuneralCry]

I can relate to how you feel, I am not meant for this world and I just want nothingness. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

Long has passed since this post, but I truly hope your are calm now; either you still with us or not.

 

[sasshimi]

Update: I postponed my CTB date for another day or so. Unfortunately my situation became overcomplicated. By yesterday evening I was going out for a drive to clear my mind before I could scout a forest to ctb. Out of the blue I was then pulled over by 2 police cars in the middle of a busy intersection during rush hour too! I was on my way back to my place to park the car back into the driveway and right after supposedly would have gone on my merry way to go hiking. Turns out my dad called the cops on me for an alleged ctb threat. Like an idiot I left my note in my bedroom indiscreetly, a note of my passwords out on my desk as well, not too mention my room being suspiciously tidy. Which understandably were out of character for me. (Moronic move too in retrospect). Right now, I'm currently staying at the ER waiting to talk to a psychiatrist. Fingers crossed I don't get involuntarily admitted again at the psych ward but this sucks.

 

[TriggerHappy]

Update: I postponed my CTB date for another day or so. Unfortunately my situation became overcomplicated. By yesterday evening I was going out for a drive to clear my mind before I could scout a forest to ctb. Out of the blue I was then pulled over by 2 police cars in the middle of a busy intersection during rush hour too! I was on my way back to my place to park the car back into the driveway and right after supposedly would have gone on my merry way to go hiking. Turns out my dad called the cops on me for an alleged ctb threat. Like an idiot I left my note in my bedroom indiscreetly, a note of my passwords out on my desk as well, not too mention my room being suspiciously tidy. Which understandably were out of character for me. (Moronic move too in retrospect). Right now, I'm currently staying at the ER waiting to talk to a psychiatrist. Fingers crossed I don't get involuntarily admitted again at the psych ward but this sucks.

Oh boy, been there! (sort-off)
Just so u don't feel lonely let me share my moment of marvellousness :: I kept a "final letter" for my family etc in the pocket of my leather jacket incase I od-d in sum junk house. I got arrested by cops, they found the note :: got institutionalised (luckily no criminal record) they thought i was also on a ctb mission.
♤ Comedown of note, I tell you - though I got introduced to the next 2 loves of my life :: lithium &my next boyfriend in the institution (yes, no I am the picture of metal health, really!!)
♧ Moral of the story :: never leave a note :: they just won't understand.
And you won't be around to clear up misconceptions anyway.
Good luck.

 

[Jumping_realms]

Update: I postponed my CTB date for another day or so. Unfortunately my situation became overcomplicated. By yesterday evening I was going out for a drive to clear my mind before I could scout a forest to ctb. Out of the blue I was then pulled over by 2 police cars in the middle of a busy intersection during rush hour too! I was on my way back to my place to park the car back into the driveway and right after supposedly would have gone on my merry way to go hiking. Turns out my dad called the cops on me for an alleged ctb threat. Like an idiot I left my note in my bedroom indiscreetly, a note of my passwords out on my desk as well, not too mention my room being suspiciously tidy. Which understandably were out of character for me. (Moronic move too in retrospect). Right now, I'm currently staying at the ER waiting to talk to a psychiatrist. Fingers crossed I don't get involuntarily admitted again at the psych ward but this sucks.

I'm sorry this is happening and unfortunately you may get admitted. Just curious, why would you go in there involuntary if they are taking you to the ward anyway? If you do voluntary they at least usually give you some more privileges than involuntary that help you some.

 

[sasshimi]

I'm sorry this is happening and unfortunately you may get admitted. Just curious, why would you go in there involuntary if they are taking you to the ward anyway? If you do voluntary they at least usually give you some more privileges than involuntary that help you some.

Apparently if I had resisted getting escorted to the hospital it would've resulted in an arrest. I complied with the officers in fear of affecting my criminal record. Mind you I have never done any heinous criminal acts, but I suppose wanting to CTB counts as one in the eyes of the law. :/

 

[TriggerHappy]

How are you doing? Are you ok?
You've been on my mind...
XM // Trigger

 

[Idontmatter]

Apparently if I had resisted getting escorted to the hospital it would've resulted in an arrest. I complied with the officers in fear of affecting my criminal record. Mind you I have never done any heinous criminal acts, but I suppose wanting to CTB counts as one in the eyes of the law. :/

That's what I hate, we all have a mental illness and get treated like a criminal because of it.

 

[Jumping_realms]

Apparently if I had resisted getting escorted to the hospital it would've resulted in an arrest. I complied with the officers in fear of affecting my criminal record. Mind you I have never done any heinous criminal acts, but I suppose wanting to CTB counts as one in the eyes of the law. :/

So, if you would have volunteered to go, arrest etc would NOT of been and issue. Plus once there you have more privileges ,generally.

I Was just trying to help you. Trust me I know the state you can be in with these episodes.