Venting Im done

[TheLostCause]

Hello. So i havent been active for a long while, had some failed attempts, hospital admissions, therapy none of it is any help.
So i have my date set, this friday. I have my plan all set out just 1 thing left to get which i shall get on the day. I have 2 therapy appointments between now and then, i have to attend them or they will know something is wrong, they already know im struggling but they havent a clue i have my date and plan set.

Right now my problem is im struggling so much i want to up the date but when ive done things impulsively in the past it ends in disaster so i want to stick to what i have.
Im in so much mental pain. I dont know how to get through the coming days. I just need some distraction something to occupy myself until then. Any suggestions for someone who is terrified to leave the house and has no money to buy anything? TV isn't helping, my dog is a little but i have 0 motivation to do anything with her and as awful as it is, i dont want to think too much about her because i get upset at the thought of leaving her. I thought about self harm as thats my usual go to but i cant even move off the settee.

I dont really know the point of this post other than venting on how much im struggling to people who actually understand.

 

[cyanlove]

Thank you for sharing ♥

 

[houseofleaves]

Any suggestions for someone who is terrified to leave the house and has no money to buy anything?

video games?

 

[lostmylove]

That's rough. Mental pain is the worse pain.

Honestly I use to listen to YouTube, podcasts and videos a lot of the day for escapism. Lot of the time it was jus background noise tho so I would jus end up thinking all over them.

Same with video games, it's just mind numbing.

Recently I've been trying to find videos on the afterlife and do research into this to pass the time until my date. I think it's going to be easier for me if I'm sure I'm going to leave this place and see my partner again in an afterlife.

 

[Carlotta16]

Hello. So i havent been active for a long while, had some failed attempts, hospital admissions, therapy none of it is any help.
So i have my date set, this friday. I have my plan all set out just 1 thing left to get which i shall get on the day. I have 2 therapy appointments between now and then, i have to attend them or they will know something is wrong, they already know im struggling but they havent a clue i have my date and plan set.

Right now my problem is im struggling so much i want to up the date but when ive done things impulsively in the past it ends in disaster so i want to stick to what i have.
Im in so much mental pain. I dont know how to get through the coming days. I just need some distraction something to occupy myself until then. Any suggestions for someone who is terrified to leave the house and has no money to buy anything? TV isn't helping, my dog is a little but i have 0 motivation to do anything with her and as awful as it is, i dont want to think too much about her because i get upset at the thought of leaving her. I thought about self harm as thats my usual go to but i cant even move off the settee.

I dont really know the point of this post other than venting on how much im struggling to people who actually understand.

I completely understand where you are cos I'm there too. No motivation no nothing. I am so so broken and I had to do something today that broke the last little bit of me that was hanging on. There is nothing left now. It's just a question of when and how if you want to message me no problem at all. X

 

[TheLostCause]

video games?

I used to play video games alot, it was my life, my way of escape but recently i havent even touched my PC, ive tried a couple on my phone but im so stressed if something doesnt go my way on it i kick off.

That's rough. Mental pain is the worse pain.

Honestly I use to listen to YouTube, podcasts and videos a lot of the day for escapism. Lot of the time it was jus background noise tho so I would jus end up thinking all over them.

Same with video games, it's just mind numbing.

Recently I've been trying to find videos on the afterlife and do research into this to pass the time until my date. I think it's going to be easier for me if I'm sure I'm going to leave this place and see my partner again in an afterlife.

Yea currently i have the TV on but muted and listening to music on my phone but my thoughts are just drowning it out.

I completely understand where you are cos I'm there too. No motivation no nothing. I am so so broken and I had to do something today that broke the last little bit of me that was hanging on. There is nothing left now. It's just a question of when and how if you want to message me no problem at all. X

Im so sorry you are there too, its horrible.
My motivation had run away i think, ive never had much but right now i have nothing at all, i cant even be bothered getting up for food or the loo its so bad.

 

[houseofleaves]

I used to play video games alot, it was my life, my way of escape but recently i havent even touched my PC, ive tried a couple on my phone but im so stressed if something doesnt go my way on it i kick off.

hey, which OS does your phone use? (sorry for asking, just curious)

 

[TheLostCause]

Im on Android, i play Rush Royale and League of Legends: Wildrift.

 

[houseofleaves]

Im on Android, i play Rush Royale and League of Legends: Wildrift.

there's a game that's kinda cool (IMHO of course) called Republique. it's about totalitarian state. i recommend it because its almost pc-like, the plot is engaging (5 long episodes), and it doesn't require you to compete with anyone; you can just explore the world, listen to audio messages, read email exchanges. plus, it's beautiful

 

[FuneralCry]

I also feel done with life. I'm sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to this point. I know that this life can be unbearable when you are desperate to leave. I guess to pass the time, there is always sleeping as it can be like a break from this life. Nothing ever helps me or makes me feel better though. I sometimes find it hard to sleep. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[TheLostCause]

there's a game that's kinda cool (IMHO of course) called Republique. it's about totalitarian state. i recommend it because its almost pc-like, the plot is engaging (5 long episodes), and it doesn't require you to compete with anyone; you can just explore the world, listen to audio messages, read email exchanges. plus, it's beautiful

Ooh i will have a look at that now.

I also feel done with life. I'm sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to this point. I know that this life can be unbearable when you are desperate to leave. I guess to pass the time, there is always sleeping as it can be like a break from this life. Nothing ever helps me or makes me feel better though. I sometimes find it hard to sleep. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

Im sorry you feel you are also done with life, its such a hard place to be in.
I sleep alot as it is, the past 3 days ive been awake maybe 10 hours the rest i spend sleeping but i wake from nightmares alot so being asleep is just as much torture as being awake unfortunately.