Help I'm done struggling to stay alive

[TJuk]

Hi
I am fed up with life, fed up with struggling with the flashbacks, nightmares, voices, suicidal thoughts, low moods and anxiety, as well as the pain . I'm fed up with being a burden to people and society.

I've been writing my suicide notes well the process of writing and then sorting it out so flows better rather than jumbled up. I need one more thing to arrive before I can end this thing that is my life.

I'm 27, I am a transman so also have gender dysphoria as not had surgery. I have severe depression, anxiety, ptsd, voices, I have physical pain due to a past suicide attempt that left me with long term injuries, alongside a knee injury that I've had for a year in July, my knee gives way without warning, or it locks which is extremely painful and annoying. I lost my twin 3 days after birth, lost friends to suicide, lost people to cancer, lost people to other stuff including a car crash. I've tried medications, Therapy and hospital admissions nothing helps.

I know I won't be around much longer but not sure how long as yet

 

[moodygrl]

What was your previous attempt? sorry you hurt yourself :/

 

[deltaofvenus]

There are times it seems that life chooses to pick on particular people and just shit on them from the moment they are born. You have suffered greatly, and I'm so sorry for that. It's painful to see the deep suffering from people here, but it's also helpful to know I'm not alone in feeling this way.

You deserved better out of life, we all did. I'm wishing you peace and love, friend. <3

 

[Arrow]

What was your previous attempt? sorry you hurt yourself :/

 

[TJuk]

What was your previous attempt? sorry you hurt yourself :/

I jumped from a 100ft bridge but wind/gravity turned me round in air so didn't land on head unfortunately

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I am sorry for all your losses, and pain.

 

[TJuk]

Thanks it's horrible but I am feeling at peace with knowing it will all soon end and I will no longer be suffering.

Just got to wait for last thing to come, make sure notes are written, put a playlist together to play quietly while I end it. I live alone so is no chance of being found. Method says will be dead within 4 hours although probably sooner.
I don't want my parents or anyone to know the method I used as I don't want them to copy or anything so I've also wrote a very detailed letter to the coroner and police to please not say exactly what I used. I'm not bothered if they know I killed myself cos that will be fairly obvious

 

[Rook86]

I wrote a post here few months ago, I'm a migrant refugee transwoman of colour, non native speaker, have major mental health issues (bpd, depression, anxiety maybe ASC?); my mum died on my knees to heart attack, lost my brother to suicide and my father to heart attack as well two years ago); I don't have any chance for the standard SRS sadly!)
Have no support network whatsever:(.. hated living on benefits and it seems to be a cycle I can't break!

 

[moodygrl]

I jumped from a 100ft bridge but wind/gravity turned me round in air so didn't land on head unfortunately

sorry that turned out so badly for you. I wish you find your peace as I wish it for myself, hugs

 

[TJuk]

I wrote a post here few months ago, I'm a migrant refugee transwoman of colour, non native speaker, have major mental health issues (bpd, depression, anxiety maybe ASC?); my mum died on my knees to heart attack, lost my brother to suicide and my father to heart attack as well two years ago); I don't have any chance for the standard SRS sadly!)
Have no support network whatsever:(.. hated living on benefits and it seems to be a cycle I can't break!

So sorry you're struggling and that you have no chance of the surgery. I'm on benefits which is what I meant by a burden on society. Sorry for your losses. I'm around if you need a chat

 

[Rook86]

So sorry you're struggling and that you have no chance of the surgery. I'm on benefits which is what I meant by a burden on society. Sorry for your losses. I'm around if you need a chat

I think I won't need to kill myself, harsh life will do the job sooner than I hoped