I tried an at home method of trying to burn layers of skin off my face when I was younger because I was obsessed with the look/ feel of it.
I don't want to try diagnose you, but have you heard of BDD ?
We're all beautiful in our own ways, but let's face facts: Most of us weren't blessed with runway-model looks. Plastic surgery has given us a way to fix what we don't like about ourselves, but few can prepare themselves for its emotional toll.
Dude I'm in the same boat. It was a result of a drug OD/accident. Don't feel bad. I tried surgery too once and that didn't help. And i"ve tried to gather money for more post-surgeries since then but something bad always happens. I was encouraged because Thom Yorke (Singer for Radiohead) had surgery on one of his eyes like 3 different times before it was ok with him or was fixed. So like don't give up and try to work around it. I can't even like wear a hat because someones making a "gay joke" about rimjobs and shit. And like attempt to degrade me as a human being or strip me of my humanity. I'm so done with inhumane imbeciles or people who think they understand a person or there sexuality. People don't know the first thing about my sexuality or what i've been through or how i've been cheated. It's total bs to try to label someone or treat them unfairly. I kid you not. I love you. Take care and try to focus on other crap. Like theres so much more to life than bodily image.
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