Help im CTB in the afternoon and need advice if it fails

[fireworkthepony]

im CTB in the afternoon and need advice if it fails. ive got a shit ton of pills and im going to be slitting my wrists and neck, i dont care about pain, it doesnt matter. my issue here is if it fails. im 18, i live with my mom brother and her husband. she is insane, and makes me go crazy, but even worse is if she finds out i tried to kill myself. and worse then that is if i fail, and im forced to be confronted with her.

what do i do? she cant force me to do anything, right? i dont know im just paranoid to the idea of failing and her being her insane-mentally-unstable self and ruining my life further. she has caused me paranoia, she never lets me leave the house, and takes shit out on me. its hard to tell how she would react. she constantly tells me if i were to die, she would kill herself. and i dont care, i feel so empty, but if i dont fucking die shes going to be on my ass insanely so.

im rambling. just, do you guys have advice? if god hates me so much and makes me live, i just need some sort of thing to keep in mind on how to react to her crazy self.

 

[RedHarlequin]

I would advice you to really research suicide methods and choose one that is lethal. There is a book called peaceful pill handbook in the resources section where a lot of reliable methods are listed. I can imagine you're in a lot of pain and just want it to stop but OD on some pills will lead to a failed attempt and almost certainly your family finding out. Also you need time to not be disturbed while no one is at home or in the best case scenario not doing it in your own home.

 

[fireworkthepony]

I would advice you to really research suicide methods and choose one that is lethal. There is a book called peaceful pill handbook in the resources section where a lot of reliable methods are listed. I can imagine you're in a lot of pain and just want it to stop but OD on some pills will lead to a failed attempt and almost certainly your family finding out.

Even if I try to cut my neck/artery? I was going to also do both arms and my neck and my legs. So I guess bleeding out was also part of it in mind, but regardless I'll look at what you suggest; thank you!

 

[92MS]

even tho i think your method won't work but at least you can do it when you are alone or maybe at night so you have a lower chance of being discovered before you die and get saved

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

i dont care about pain, it doesnt matter.

Oh, it does. It's the only thing stopping people from ctbing with a knife. No one cares about pain until it actually appears, and then it's the only thing that matters.

 

[fireworkthepony]

Oh, it does. It's the only thing stopping people from ctbing with a knife. No one cares about pain until it actually appears, and then it's the only thing that matters.

I cut myself a shit ton so the pain doesn't really bother me, but I get what you are trying to say

even tho i think your method won't work but at least you can do it when you are alone or maybe at night so you have a lower chance of being discovered before you die and get saved

I'm hoping since I've fucked up my body so much that it'll give in lol

 

[Jumper Geo]

Sorry, that sounds an awful and painful way to CBT, I think you need to get out and escape for a few hours a day, your 18 years old she can't keep you, prisoner, do you know any local parks or green area's you can go to if not you've got internet access, google it, speak to your mum like an adult and say I need to get some exercise and say can I go to the shops and does anyone want anything or would like to accompany me, build trust with baby steps and being out of the house and away from family will be a breath of fresh air, every other day ask again and after a few weeks take a leap of faith and say I am going for a walk to the local park or green area, listen to some music and chill.

If you are allowed out, play it cool, keep in contact, phone, etc if she gives you a curfew be back 10 minutes early after building trust she may loosen the reins but you live in her house so it's her rules, don't give her an opportunity to complain and go back to square one.

Hope this helps.

Cheers

Geo

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I cut myself a shit ton so the pain doesn't really bother me, but I get what you are trying to say

Fatal wounds hurt a lot more than skin-cutting, at least I think they do (not a doctor).

 

[RedHarlequin]

Even if I try to cut my neck/artery? I was going to also do both arms and my neck and my legs. So I guess bleeding out was also part of it in mind, but regardless I'll look at what you suggest; thank you!

There are medication you can take to pass peacefully without cutting the arteries so I just wanted to inform you that there is this possibility to die a peaceful death where you are not vomiting, being in pain and bleeding for god knows how long. If you cut yourself without taking anticoagulants there is a chance that clots will build up that prevent blood loss and you are left alive with the scars. Even with anticoagulants it takes a long time to bleed to death because you need to lose A lOT of blood, you will most likely be in a lot of pain from the medication, vomiting and bleeding for a long time passing in and out of consciousness. I'm not trying to talk you out of suicide I just want you to know that your method maybe has 5% chance of working and there are sure and peaceful options out there.

 

[ShePastAway]

This sounds an unnecessarily painful and dramatic way to ctb. There are far more reliable methods. You will almost certainly fail.

Firstly, an od on a bunch of pills will lead you a failed attempt and a trip to the hospital.

Fatal wounds hurt a lot more than skin-cutting, at least I think they do (not a doctor).

Correct. Shallow cuts affecting the capillaries are incomparable to a severe (arterial) wound.

Cutting the wrist you are more likely to sever important nerves and tendons which are close to the surface of the skin. This will not only be very painful, but also could cause loss of function there after you fail. The lethality here is very low (about 5%).

As for cutting the neck, severing an artery is a lot more difficult than you may think. Not only are they hard for you to see yourself, it is incredibly difficult to fight your body's reflexes.

You need to be level-minded and think very carefully about what you really want, and do some research yourself. If you are thinking of doing this as a gesture, be aware of the consequences you may have to face.

 

[FuneralCry]

I agree with what other people have said, I think the method with pills and slitting wrists is unreliable and there is a high chance of failure. It really is hard to die and all we want is a way out because we get desperate. It must be really exhausting having to live with someone like that and other people can cause us pain, maybe try to get some space from her. This life can be cruel, I wish you well. We all deserve peace.

 

[Shadowrider]

I can only repeat or affirm what the other users have already stated!

I do understand why you want to CTB so badly - your mother seems to be extremely abusive and maybe psychotic. I can imagine that death seems to be the only way out from your situation - I hope you have some other options too, you are very young. You would deserve some experiences in the adult life too.

However, if you are completely determined to do it, you'd better do some research. OD-ing is not necessarily lethal. Cutting your veins and bleeding to death is not only extremely painful (though in a certain state o' mind, pain plays a very little role, yes) but slow and not 100% guaranteed to be lethal either.
I would rather you reconsider the whole question. Do you really want to CTB, or is this just the situation that you - understandably enough - cannot bear any more? Is there anything else to do, so that you don't need to die at such a tender age?
If your answer is "yes" to the first question and "no" to the other, you would better do some research about safer methods.

 

[fireworkthepony]

I can't even figure how to kill myself right, I guess

 

[Jumper Geo]

Surely you haven't got long left anyway being 120 years old, don't worry your mum will stop grounding you when you reach 150 years old,

Take care

Geo

 

[RedHarlequin]

I can't even figure how to kill myself right, I guess

It's ok, almost everyone who's suicidal has failed attempts.

 

[WornOutLife]

I hope you're still with us, my friend.

As for failing, it really sucks.

My life became hell for 6 months after I failed. I had no freedom but didn't end up in a psych ward, somehow.

Hope to hear from you again soon.

Hugs and love,

Matt