im craving for depression why ? something is weird

[livingwishtodie]

im getting better its been 3 days since i felt a bit better. but now I constantly want to feel my depression again. I want to feel again what I felt when I was at my lowest wanting to burn my wrist, cry and have suicidal thoughts. why am I longing to be depressed again

 

[pace_of_the_future]

Maybe you're just used to it? Like a comfort zone or something?

 

[EmptyHeaded]

I never had depression, but I still know what you mean. I had a time during which I couldn't even think straight, and I wish it was like that again.

 

[Sylveon]

Oof. I feel ya. At some point, we get so used to our misrey that anything else feels "not home" or maybe even scary. Think of it as someone snatching away your blanket while you were lying down comfortably, as lame as that analogy is, lol.

Take care, stranger; I hope it only gets better for you from here. <3

 

[gantaigarashi]

Tbh, depression is kind of like a cushion for me. I can wallow in my self pity and hatred, the feeling on emptiness makes me resilient to the bs that I face in my life.

I would say apathy would be the best state to be in rather than depression

 

[livingwishtodie]

Tbh, depression is kind of like a cushion for me. I can wallow in my self pity and hatred, the feeling on emptiness makes me resilient to the bs that I face in my life.

I would say apathy would be the best state to be in rather than depression

being numb is worst because it made me do self harm and im getting addicted to it. numbness also doesn't give me any reason to do anything because everything feels the same and have no value to it so it affects my work very much. After all this happens again and again I'll end up planning my suicide again im tired of this same bullshit.

 

[roo]

i think it can be used as self-punishment if u feel insecure and undeserving of happiness, or its the emotional numbness that helps u avoid difficult emotions or situations

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

oof. this is so real.
this is common. many become so comfortable in their depression, that they feel weird once they get out of it. it's like stepping out of your comfort zone, it's going to be hard at first. i hope you can come to accept the peace you deserve. stay strong :)

 

[gantaigarashi]

being numb is worst because it made me do self harm and im getting addicted to it. numbness also doesn't give me any reason to do anything because everything feels the same and have no value to it so it affects my work very much. After all this happens again and again I'll end up planning my suicide again im tired of this same bullshit.

I kinda of understand where you're coming from. Maybe not giving a crap for you also entails self harming more. For me apathy would help me relive my anxiety of what people or my boss thinks and just coast through life till I CTB

 

[bipbapbop]

The very short psychology explanation is that your brain isn't seeking happiness. It seeks equilibrium and familiarity. If you are depressed for a long time, it wants to return to that state because it is comfortable knowing what to expect.

 

[Ksmиda]

IMO it's the numbness that comes with depression that makes you want to feel bad.

 

[UKscotty]

I think the comfort in wanting CTB makes us want the depression back.

When depression goes away, so does the desire to CTB. When we're depressed, we can see peace through CTB.

 

[lotheb_5drop]

Never had proper mental issues, but sadness makes me feel rooted