Venting im convinced my best friend doesnt even like me anymore

[ctb★prince]

oh i feel so horribly bad for this, we've been dependant on each other for the past few years, the "if you go i go", " your sadness is my sadness" type of dependence, we've grown really used to it and it didn't seem bad for us either, turns out it was because i wasn't looking at how i feel, but at how they feel, im the one who takes the damage, im the one who forgives them no matter what, im the one who tries to be there at all times, im the one who tries to get into whatever theyre into, im the one coming to their place, im the one who does everything, and they do none of those, they dont really have any damage to take anymore since i moved here with my feelings because theres nothing they can do about my problems and im not expecting them to, they frequently get mad at me even at things i have no intention of doing nor any control over, theyre usually too busy playing to get their mind of things when i really need something, and they dont appreciate my presence either, they know how frequent my meltdowns are and they still had the audacity to make a public vent in how their best friend is never there for them, which was the only thing ive been trying to nake sure will never ever be a problem, they openly call my interests boring and dont even want to listen about them, sometimes when i complain to them just for the sake of complaining they randomly start trying to find my fault in things, even though until now neither of us have done that, they also went on to doing disguisting things, like messing up the things im working on, or acting inappropriately around people i ask them not to, and every time i ask them to stop they get mad and act like im trying to censor them, i even made sure to give them space to say whatever they want without making others uncomfortable, and they just said that if they cant be weird around others they just simply wont say anything else ever again
they have their own problems and issues and i support them all the way but i dont think if i can handle this anymore, i cant leave them because they dont have anyone else, and neither do i, and even if i listened to the deep darkness in my heart and ended this friendship, god forbid, i fear that i wouldnt just take myself out but drag others along with me, and i find that thought very scary, i dont know what to do, i tried talking to them but it seems like whenever i actually bring up my concerns they get upset
this really makes them feel like a horrible person, which theyre not, im just struggling very very badly

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

i cant leave them because they dont have anyone else, and neither do i,

screw that person who is taking advantage of you. maybe you feel like you don't have anyone else but there are a lot of other people out there. okay, some may turn out to be worse than your current 'friend' but it seems like you are better off alone even.

 

[ctb★prince]

screw that person who is taking advantage of you. maybe you feel like you don't have anyone else but there are a lot of other people out there. okay, some may turn out to be worse than your current 'friend' but it seems like you are better off alone even.

i think that im going to explode if i were to have to look for anyone else in the state im currently in, id honestly just want to find a way to tell them how broken i actually am

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

i'm sure you are at your limits but the first step would be to get away from the toxicity.

 

[ctb★prince]

now theyre saying that "i cant even vent anymore because ill just get ignored" which seems ambiguous but its always in reference to me in some way and the thing is im currently on vacation in their town, came here from the very other end of the country, staying here with some of our mutual friends to cut costs, and they cant stay with us because of their own reasons, but why am i expected to be on my phone at all times on my vacation on the beach while they cant do the same for me ever i dont understand i dont understand i dont understand

 

[ctb★prince]

theyre mad about me having fun, im trying to include them even if they arent here, sending them silly stuff, telling them whats happened, they only reply with tons of "what"s and "no"s and keep complaining that i dont treat them well enough, theyre partially joking abt the last thing i think but im so close to having a breakdown
um trying to small talk with them and i just noticed that whenever they dont like my view on things or whenever i have an opinion on something they just keep repeating that i dont understand anything no matter what im so tired i want someone to have a talk with them on my behalf what the fuck do i do i need someone to step in and also not hurt them in the process
now theyre suddenly asking about how our day has been when i dont want to talk to them anymore
now theyre suddenly asking about how our day has been when i dont want to talk to them anymore
now theyre trying to publically shame me for not responding to them bc i had no internet connection and they knew abt it and somehow its still my fault i am so hanging myself in yhe shared room were staying at