I was bed ridden with depression & anxiety before I was forced into the hospital, now that I'm out days later, I'm still in the same condition and not prepared. I'm supposed to CTB this week, but my method is brutal & risky, so sometimes I have the courage, and sometimes I feel scared. My plan was to at least write about my life before I go, but I've been struggling because my brain is blank for most of the day. I'm in torture.
I rather hang myself with partial suspension but the best place for it would be my closet which has a wooden bar, and I'm scared it will break. Plus I have no rope, but I'd rather do it with a cloth anyway because it seems more comfortable. I had an ex boyfriend strangle me one time years ago, and although I couldn't breath, I felt no pain, and went unconscious for like 2 seconds, so I know it's not that bad if done correctly, but my fear is me not doing it correctly because I'm clumsy & stupid always seeming to make things worse.
The other method (I don't want to mention) I have would definitely be considered too risky by all on this forum, but all 7 people that have done it have succeeded, so why not me? but I'm still scared of the intense pain & risk. My other fear is not going thru with it at the location, and the police banning me from there, and putting me in the hospital, or someone capturing me on video, and putting it on the Internet.
I rather hang myself with partial suspension but the best place for it would be my closet which has a wooden bar, and I'm scared it will break. Plus I have no rope, but I'd rather do it with a cloth anyway because it seems more comfortable. I had an ex boyfriend strangle me one time years ago, and although I couldn't breath, I felt no pain, and went unconscious for like 2 seconds, so I know it's not that bad if done correctly, but my fear is me not doing it correctly because I'm clumsy & stupid always seeming to make things worse.
The other method (I don't want to mention) I have would definitely be considered too risky by all on this forum, but all 7 people that have done it have succeeded, so why not me? but I'm still scared of the intense pain & risk. My other fear is not going thru with it at the location, and the police banning me from there, and putting me in the hospital, or someone capturing me on video, and putting it on the Internet.
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