I'm back

[deep_end]

A few months ago, I thought I got out. I planned to take my sn, and I almost was successful. Unfortunately, my boyfriend stopped me. He forcefully took the SN out of my hands. I cried for hours after that. He knew I was really really broken. We got me on antidepressants and therapy, and for a while I was doing alright. I didn't think of dying for months. For a bit, I even thought I was reformed. But unfortunately, I started spiraling down again. I keep wondering if this depressed -self is the real me, and I'm just coping whenever I'm happy, or if I am naturally a happy person and just occasionally I get really extremely depressed for long periods of time.

 

[StaringIntoAnAbyss]

Sounds very tough,
Are you happy that he intervened ?

 

[deep_end]

Sounds very tough,
Are you happy that he intervened ?

I don't know honestly. I thought I was happy but now I just wish I didn't have to go through these past few months

 

[StaringIntoAnAbyss]

I don't know honestly. I thought I was happy but now I just wish I didn't have to go through these past few months

Mhm ye it's really shit when the feeling gets back again.
If you want to talk or something you can message me

 

[deep_end]

Mhm ye it's really shit when the feeling gets back again.
If you want to talk or something you can message me

Thank you. Unfortunately, starting conversations isn't my strength, but if I need to ill try

 

[joshua9119]

Thank you. Unfortunately, starting conversations isn't my strength, but if I need to ill try

I think people who endure all the suffering are brave and have great spirit. I think it is a very brave move on your part to take the antidepressants and counseling, and I think it is very awesome.

It is winter in the northern hemisphere now, so that may be a factor. Maybe the meds need a change sometimes, or maybe you need another stimulus in counseling. (I rejected 5 counselors to find one I was happy with...)


I think everyone alive today is brave and significant. I pray your suffering eases and you find new joy

 

[Lostindespair3]

I keep wondering if this depressed -self is the real me, and I'm just coping whenever I'm happy, or if I am naturally a happy person and just occasionally I get really extremely depressed for long periods of time.

This is an interesting point I've never thought of before, and now am also curious about. Every single time I get out of a depressive episode, I'm right back in the hole months later…but am I really a happy person that gets depressed for long periods of time, or a severely depressed person, who occasionally copes well enough to get by. Either way the cycling is exhausting and I want out.