So I posted on here a few months ago after getting out of a mental hospital. I decided to try and live my life and improve my lot. Unfortunately that hasn't worked out at all. Life as someone with a criminal record is awful. I can't find a job, I'm living in a halfway house with other criminals and former mental patients, my friends have left me. I just can't take the shame of being an ex-con. That's not the life that I want. Every morning I dread getting out of bed. It's like I've been living the same day over and over again. I'm 29. I should be getting up for work every day, and spending time with friends at the weekends. I have made one or two friends the past few months but once they try and get to know me better they sense something is wrong, they sense I'm hiding something. I've been doing drugs to try and escape but I stopped a few months ago because it was just making things worse. Before my arrest I was a teacher, a respected member of my community, with a small but wonderful circle of friends around me. Now I have nothing. I AM nothing. The scars of the past few years will be with me forever, the things that have been done to me, the people I've met. I simply can't face the guilt and the shame of this any more. I've decided to CTB. I know how much this will hurt my family but at least this way no one we know will find out I've been to prison. I haven't decided on my method yet. I can't even remember what method I chose the last time I was considering this. But I do plan on recording a video message for my family explaining my decision and asking their forgiveness.
locked*n*loaded
Archangel
- Apr 15, 2022
- 9,143
Sorry you're in this situation. I don't know what you did to end up in prison, and really don't need to know, but always thought that there were some "programs" that helped ex-cons re-integrate into life on the outside, like help with employment placement and things like that. Did you/do you have a PO? Maybe you could talk with them about some help finding a job, if that something you want to pursue. Not trying to tell you what you should do. You gotta make your own decisions. Wish you luck no matter what you do. And peace.
Thanks so much for your comment. Tbh there are lots of programs and my PO has helped me apply for jobs but I haven't gotten any of them. 100s of applications and 2 interviews and still no job. But tbh it's not just about employment. It's the shame of living every day as an ex-con. I've lost so many friends because of what I did. I just can't stand living like this. I feel like there's no place for me in this world any more.
PaxAmericaX
Member
- Sep 27, 2025
- 27
Life is so hard friend. I get it. I am in dire straits myself having lost a ton of money with a bad lawyer who was sloppy and lied to cheat us. I struggle for having faith in them against my intuition.
I don't need to know what you did to end up in prison. I hope it wasn't serious but even if it was, there is more to how people perceive you than your history. If you did something wrong but own up to it, especially to your self, then there has to be forgiveness. Maybe not from those directly affected your actions but from society as a whole.
In India there was a great King named Ashoka who went on a war footing with a neighbouring kingdom. After winning he went onto the battlefields and wept at the death and suffering inflicted. It changed him. He turned to Buddhism and so did his kingdom. He changed a lot.
My point isn't about religion. It is that I think anything can be forgiven if you genuinely are remorseful, and begin to do good things for others. So dont beat yourself for your past and worry what people think. Who you are today is not who you were in the past. Or will be tomorrow. People do change. I wish you well
I don't need to know what you did to end up in prison. I hope it wasn't serious but even if it was, there is more to how people perceive you than your history. If you did something wrong but own up to it, especially to your self, then there has to be forgiveness. Maybe not from those directly affected your actions but from society as a whole.
In India there was a great King named Ashoka who went on a war footing with a neighbouring kingdom. After winning he went onto the battlefields and wept at the death and suffering inflicted. It changed him. He turned to Buddhism and so did his kingdom. He changed a lot.
My point isn't about religion. It is that I think anything can be forgiven if you genuinely are remorseful, and begin to do good things for others. So dont beat yourself for your past and worry what people think. Who you are today is not who you were in the past. Or will be tomorrow. People do change. I wish you well
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