feuerflieger
i only exist
- Oct 9, 2023
- 30
idek how to start this. i've been gone from here for quite some time. guess i was just too overwhelmed with everything.
i had to move back in with my mum (and her new boyfriend) because the place i was staying at couldn't "give me the help i needed" anymore :D
that's nothing new to me tho and i'm literally worse now but whatever.
i've been lying to my mum and even my therapist about being on waiting lists for social psychiatric homes and i just stopped responding to my social worker so i don't have anyone to actually help me with that shit but it's my fault anyways. i really need to find a place so i can finally end my life. i can't do it while living with my mum. me being gone will already break her, i really don't want to make it worse by making her wonder why i'm not coming home or giving her the burden of getting rid of my stuff.
on another note i'm pretty sure my best friend is falling into a psychotic episode or something of that sort and i'm not too sure how to handle that. i wanna talk to her about it but we've been getting into fights over small things like me telling her brown is a colour and her disagreeing or not believing me and our other friend when we tell her something shes said a minute ago. it doesn't happen the normal amount of times anymore and she's honestly starting to sound delusional. my other friend has also noticed that and we've had a conversation about it but i still really don't know how to talk to her about it. she's also the one i want to end it with but now i'm feeling a little conflicted. i worry about her in a way i can't explain. i mean we literally talk about offing ourselves together so why is this worrying me so much???
anyways this vent is probably all over the place but my concentration has reached it's final point. i guess i'll try to sleep now
i had to move back in with my mum (and her new boyfriend) because the place i was staying at couldn't "give me the help i needed" anymore :D
that's nothing new to me tho and i'm literally worse now but whatever.
i've been lying to my mum and even my therapist about being on waiting lists for social psychiatric homes and i just stopped responding to my social worker so i don't have anyone to actually help me with that shit but it's my fault anyways. i really need to find a place so i can finally end my life. i can't do it while living with my mum. me being gone will already break her, i really don't want to make it worse by making her wonder why i'm not coming home or giving her the burden of getting rid of my stuff.
on another note i'm pretty sure my best friend is falling into a psychotic episode or something of that sort and i'm not too sure how to handle that. i wanna talk to her about it but we've been getting into fights over small things like me telling her brown is a colour and her disagreeing or not believing me and our other friend when we tell her something shes said a minute ago. it doesn't happen the normal amount of times anymore and she's honestly starting to sound delusional. my other friend has also noticed that and we've had a conversation about it but i still really don't know how to talk to her about it. she's also the one i want to end it with but now i'm feeling a little conflicted. i worry about her in a way i can't explain. i mean we literally talk about offing ourselves together so why is this worrying me so much???
anyways this vent is probably all over the place but my concentration has reached it's final point. i guess i'll try to sleep now
