S
Spyro24
Member
- Jun 24, 2022
- 68
Just joined this forum because it finally seems like I found a place where I can discuss suicide without being judged. Yay!
I used to get bullied a lot in high school and it turned a very social boy into a very depressed and anxious man. I'm now 22 and I feel like I'm almost ready to ctb. I'm finally okay with the fact that no one wants me and that if I were to continue living, I would be all alone forever. I've got no one to talk to that understands my feelings and the people that do talk to me just do it because they feel bad. Until they realise how many problems I have, then they leave. Or they end up using me as a tool. I've never felt more worthless and pathetic.
I tried to get help but it seems like no one can help me. Even my therapist let out a large sigh when she had the complete story and I can tell she knows there is not much she can do. My doctor seems to be the only one that slightly cares but he has no clue what the pills he prescribes actually do. The only option my doctor has left is to send me to a psych ward and lock me in a cage. There are no more pills to try. And my parents? They say they care but I can just see it in their eyes that they're disappointed in me.
It pisses me off that there's no easy and humane way out for people like me, at least in a lot of countries. My depression hurts, it really fucking hurts. Although it isn't physical pain, it is by far the absolute worst pain I've ever had to endure. My fear of death and dying has been decreasing for a while now and I feel like I'm almost ready to go.
As for the method? I've decided to try SN. No suicide method is painless but hey, it can't be worse than the pain I'm in now. It seems easy enough and I totally don't have the energy to try anything more complex. A gun would also be easy but I live in Belgium and getting my hands on one would be very difficult.
The only thing left for me to do, is to find some SN and pick a date. This is surprisingly difficult since everyone seems to be catching on to how 'dangerous' it is. All because suicide is frowned upon and we would rather have people suffer endlessly or die in a brutal way that will negatively impact a lot of people. My suicide notes are ready to be sent including one to the girl I have a massive crush on. Although I believe she too is only talking to me because she feels bad.
I can't promise I'll actually go through with it after I get the SN but knowing the solution to all of my problems is just mere feet away, is very comforting. I hope I do get the balls to do it one day. All it takes is a few seconds of courage and the job is done.
I used to get bullied a lot in high school and it turned a very social boy into a very depressed and anxious man. I'm now 22 and I feel like I'm almost ready to ctb. I'm finally okay with the fact that no one wants me and that if I were to continue living, I would be all alone forever. I've got no one to talk to that understands my feelings and the people that do talk to me just do it because they feel bad. Until they realise how many problems I have, then they leave. Or they end up using me as a tool. I've never felt more worthless and pathetic.
I tried to get help but it seems like no one can help me. Even my therapist let out a large sigh when she had the complete story and I can tell she knows there is not much she can do. My doctor seems to be the only one that slightly cares but he has no clue what the pills he prescribes actually do. The only option my doctor has left is to send me to a psych ward and lock me in a cage. There are no more pills to try. And my parents? They say they care but I can just see it in their eyes that they're disappointed in me.
It pisses me off that there's no easy and humane way out for people like me, at least in a lot of countries. My depression hurts, it really fucking hurts. Although it isn't physical pain, it is by far the absolute worst pain I've ever had to endure. My fear of death and dying has been decreasing for a while now and I feel like I'm almost ready to go.
As for the method? I've decided to try SN. No suicide method is painless but hey, it can't be worse than the pain I'm in now. It seems easy enough and I totally don't have the energy to try anything more complex. A gun would also be easy but I live in Belgium and getting my hands on one would be very difficult.
The only thing left for me to do, is to find some SN and pick a date. This is surprisingly difficult since everyone seems to be catching on to how 'dangerous' it is. All because suicide is frowned upon and we would rather have people suffer endlessly or die in a brutal way that will negatively impact a lot of people. My suicide notes are ready to be sent including one to the girl I have a massive crush on. Although I believe she too is only talking to me because she feels bad.
I can't promise I'll actually go through with it after I get the SN but knowing the solution to all of my problems is just mere feet away, is very comforting. I hope I do get the balls to do it one day. All it takes is a few seconds of courage and the job is done.