I'm almost ready, I just need to get out of this house

[CursedForDisaster]

So I always used to think partial would be scary but as I've been practicing I realize just how easy it's going to be to pass out, I now just have to work through my anxiety to book a motel, which is completely out of my character and get my parents to drive me there...once I'm alone, in a place where my parents won't find me dead and where nothing looks familiar I imagine I'll be able to have my final rest. All I know is I feel eerie doing this with family so close

 

[Ratherbeskinny]

Just out of curiousity; why do you need your parents to drive you there?

 

[Mrnobody2019]

So I always used to think partial would be scary but as I've been practicing I realize just how easy it's going to be to pass out, I now just have to work through my anxiety to book a motel, which is completely out of my character and get my parents to drive me there...once I'm alone, in a place where my parents won't find me dead and where nothing looks familiar I imagine I'll be able to have my final rest. All I know is I feel eerie doing this with family so close

I've not managed to get close to passing out with partial yet, what's your set up?

 

[CursedForDisaster]

Just out of curiousity; why do you need your parents to drive you there?

I live in a small town away from motels, I'd drive myself but I can't hold an actual job long enough to pay for car insurance, let alone my own car. Hell, I can hardly even get an actual job in the first place due to my anxiety so I just work with my dad when he needs the occasional help

I've not managed to get close to passing out with partial yet, what's your set up?

I have a skipping rope macgyvered onto the end table in my room, I have it set up so I can lay down, slip it over my head then pull it tighter, then I just lay back with my neck and upper back slightly off the ground, I have blankets and pillows to make things more comfortable, just not enough padding to keep my head from floating there, causing the rope to dig into the cartaroids on both sides of the neck.

I basically get to the point where things start feeling funny and where it feels like I could be lightly getting choked out but I haven't committed to it yet to know the whole outcome

 

[Sweet emotion]

Can't you take a cab to a motel? What are you going to tell your parents as to why you're spending a night at a motel if they drive you? Plus they can show up at any time if they know where you are.

 

[WhiteDespair]

Can't you take a cab to a motel? What are you going to tell your parents as to why you're spending a night at a motel if they drive you? Plus they can show up at any time if they know where you are.

@Sweet emotion is correct. Impulsivity leads to mistakes.

 

[CursedForDisaster]

Can't you take a cab to a motel? What are you going to tell your parents as to why you're spending a night at a motel if they drive you? Plus they can show up at any time if they know where you are.

I would have a plan, I go out to events alone often, I'd just have to tell them I wanted to spend the night in the city... Plus if I were to do it in a motel then only employees would have access to my room, even if my parents show'd up they wouldn't be the ones to find me. My plan would be to kill myself in the bathroom and make sure there was a note on the door explaining to call the police.

@Sweet emotion is correct. Impulsivity leads to mistakes.

It's not impulsive, I've been running through plans for years