Help I'm afraid that I'll kill myself, after this summer ends

[Ferret77]

My school system is very demanding, so there's tons of academic pressure and stress. As a perfectionist, who badly needs academic validation, I struggle every day maintaining my grades and not going insane.
But I think that the worst part are the people.....The people at my school are extremely judgmental, to the point where I don't have any friends there and all of them either mock me or completely ignore me. I never fit in anywhere....So I was badly bullied most of my life. I thought that as an adult, it might be different....But I was horribly wrong.
They still act like kids.
One guy even hates me and says to everyone I'm incredibly annoying, just because once I saw him sitting alone, looking sad....And I just wanted to make friends, so I had a normal conversation with him and during it, I asked twice if he was okay, because again, he looked really depressed. Now he spreads rumours around me and badmouths me to everyone.
Other people hate me, because I'm too weird and quiet, and apparently that makes me a bad person. But I just have autism and severe social anxiety, and I'm scared of people. It feels like I can't win.
Summers are my only escape and right now, I'm doing quite alright, but as the new school year is coming, I'm having panic attacks just thinking about coming back. Does anyone know, how to not break down during this situation?

 

[Hotsackage]

dont force it, if youre going to make friends it will happen. u dont want to be friends with crude people, its tough being lonely, but there are ways online to associate with people online who can relate. i wish you well

 

[AShipinthedark]

Ok, so I relate to you on many levels, I wont go into the specific levels as I'm drinking, I think that's ok on this site...context and all...As I see it...using my spaceship allegory. You are a ship about to be released into the universe for your own fleet command...you earned this, you fought for this through your own actions, but everyone around you just...doesn't live up to your level of professionalism. You are one of those glorious ships doomed to fail because the rest of your fleet was inadequate. well I'm here to say that aliens are multidimensional and I'm sure the daemons would LOVE your level of professionalism! Aftercall, even Satan dares not break a contract...If you CTB...I have some connections with the daemons, I could ask around to get you in with their ranks, if you believe my delusions. Otherwise, isn't it such a horrendously terrible feeling to feel so much..."brighter" not smarter...than your colleagues?

 

[todienomore]

need to stop being a perfectionist and seek out social connection, validation outside of school. What about music or dance?

 

[Ferret77]

need to stop being a perfectionist and seek out social connection, validation outside of school. What about music or dance?

I have hobbies and things outside of school....I think that the main problem is that during the school year I get panic attacks and can't function constantly....And I don't know, how to fight it, because just mentioning school makes me throw up or panic

 

[Unattainable666]

I understand how you feel. I am an older adult and am dealing with the same crap at work. THe women there refuse to speak to me. It really bothered me at first and then I thought Im not going to allow ignorant people to dictate how I feel about myself. So I changed my attitude went into work didn't give a crap if they spoke to me or not and I had the best day I've had in a long time. You have to know your self worth dont measure it by how other people feel about you.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really dreadful fearing what lies ahead, I find it so awful how many humans are so cruel and make existing even worse. But anyway best wishes.