Method I'm afraid CBT will end up the wrong way. Is anyone obsessed with this too?

[Deleted member 24152]

I'm sure I want to leave. I am beginning to feel calm when I think it will all be over soon. But I'm afraid that someone will catch me red-handed, save me, or I survive. I still have it on the back of my head. I'm an unlucky loser and everything will always fuck up. I am afraid that I will be paralyzed and then I will do nothing. I will listen to my fucing mother for the rest of my days. I'm sick of her insults. I also don't want to go to a psychiatric hospital. I am thinking about 3 methods.

First. My bed, "candy" and alcohol. Sound's perfect. I have a mix of antidepressants(ssri), sleeping pills, and tranquilizers + antiemetic pills. Total 9g. I think it's not enough. I am allergic to several medications and even at low doses my skin burns, i have convulsions and I feel faint. So it will probably be painful.But I'm also starting to think a lot seriously about SN.

Second. Jump into the water from the bridge. Painful but probably there shouldn't be people in the chosen place at night.

Third. Hanging. Practically every day I'm alone in 8/9 hours, but I have two left hands so I guess it'll fuck it up or I'll suffer forever. The more I read about it... I feel more and more stupid. I dream of something reliable, fast and painless.

Meh. I don't understand why we can't walk away like humans, euthanasia should be legal everywhere. The truth is the "government" poison us all our lives, add poison to food etc. to slowly kill us. Isn't such behavior inhumane? Why is someone constantly telling people that they are free? I hate this world. The therapist's words comfort me a bit and I try to believe them, one day she told me: "if someone wants to die, he will die and no one will stop him."


Sorry, I had to throw it out. Also sorry for my english.

 

[DoNotLet2]

Maybe I'm not obsessed but that's for sure something that makes me think twice.

 

[Leaving-Soon]

Welcome, Ofelia, although I myself am a greenhorn here. I just hope that the number in your nick doesn't indicate your age, but I hope it does not, considering your post mentioning alcohol.

Not going to comment your reasons, which you have to know the best. I can only say I'm sorry to hear the suffering you're going through.
Just that finding you red-handed might not be the worst thing to happen. To me, it would be much worse to end up crippled, with next options severely limited. Therefore I'm working on a failure-proof method.

As to your suggested methods, I'd forget about the first one. Serotonin syndrome (the result of SSRI overdose) is not pleasant at all, and even the combination with sleeping pills, alcohol and tranquilizers might not help to achieve the goal. You will rather throw up, even with AE, before these ingredients take any effect, and I simply wouldn't risk it.

Drowning certainly is an option, for some reason quite rare here. Anyway still there's a big danger of SI kicking in, but this might be overcame by enhancing the method a bit.

I know nothing about hanging, there's a big risk involved to me, and I'm afraid one might end up on a wheelchair or being a vegetable if it goes wrong.

Some general comments now - unlike you, I don't think that the government is adding a poison to my food - I'm pretty free to choose what I eat, neither I think that anyone is poisoning my life, except myself. But that's for another discussion, which might be interesting, but slightly off-topic.

Kudos to your therapist - mine told me basically the same, and I value him much because of it.

BTW, I'm not a native speaker, but I don't find anything wrong about your English, so no need to apologize. I myself am sorry shall this post be found confused, already had a couple shots of liquor, a bottle of wine, and some beers - time to open another one (lager of 50 IBU bitterness, as life should be).

 

[Deleted member 23374]

I am afraid of waking up cuffed to a gurney with no voice and a tracheotomy.

 

[Life_and_Death]

for this longest while this was one of the reasons that i havent, so i understand. i went through so many different things thinking about everything that could go wrong and why it wouldnt work. it can be really stressful

 

[VtubersAreMyLife]

Yup, I get this too. I believe It's a mix of both anxiety and survival instincts. Thinking about the pain and the risk of failing causing irreversible damage terrifies me. But I'm pretty sure the need to die will overcome those worries when the time comes. That's what I believe at least.

 

[Deleted member 24152]

Welcome, Ofelia, although I myself am a greenhorn here. I just hope that the number in your nick doesn't indicate your age, but I hope it does not, considering your post mentioning alcohol.

Not going to comment your reasons, which you have to know the best. I can only say I'm sorry to hear the suffering you're going through.
Just that finding you red-handed might not be the worst thing to happen. To me, it would be much worse to end up crippled, with next options severely limited. Therefore I'm working on a failure-proof method.

As to your suggested methods, I'd forget about the first one. Serotonin syndrome (the result of SSRI overdose) is not pleasant at all, and even the combination with sleeping pills, alcohol and tranquilizers might not help to achieve the goal. You will rather throw up, even with AE, before these ingredients take any effect, and I simply wouldn't risk it.

Drowning certainly is an option, for some reason quite rare here. Anyway still there's a big danger of SI kicking in, but this might be overcame by enhancing the method a bit.

I know nothing about hanging, there's a big risk involved to me, and I'm afraid one might end up on a wheelchair or being a vegetable if it goes wrong.

Some general comments now - unlike you, I don't think that the government is adding a poison to my food - I'm pretty free to choose what I eat, neither I think that anyone is poisoning my life, except myself. But that's for another discussion, which might be interesting, but slightly off-topic.

Kudos to your therapist - mine told me basically the same, and I value him much because of it.

BTW, I'm not a native speaker, but I don't find anything wrong about your English, so no need to apologize. I myself am sorry shall this post be found confused, already had a couple shots of liquor, a bottle of wine, and some beers - time to open another one (lager of 50 IBU bitterness, as life should be).

Hi. It's my unhappy number. I'm much older, don't worry.
You are certainly right about serotonin syndrome. The pill method may seem so simple. But it's much more complicated.

I am also surprised that the topic of drowning (from what I was able to see) is rarely mentioned here. It is quite popular in my country.

I'm new here too, but I think you can find so much knowledge here and there is something for everyone. I hope.

You are doing well by drinking this amount of alcohol! I would probably lose letters. Cheers!

 

[Azrael33]

I'm sure I want to leave. I am beginning to feel calm when I think it will all be over soon. But I'm afraid that someone will catch me red-handed, save me, or I survive. I still have it on the back of my head. I'm an unlucky loser and everything will always fuck up. I am afraid that I will be paralyzed and then I will do nothing. I will listen to my fucing mother for the rest of my days. I'm sick of her insults. I also don't want to go to a psychiatric hospital. I am thinking about 3 methods.

First. My bed, "candy" and alcohol. Sound's perfect. I have a mix of antidepressants(ssri), sleeping pills, and tranquilizers + antiemetic pills. Total 9g. I think it's not enough. I am allergic to several medications and even at low doses my skin burns, i have convulsions and I feel faint. So it will probably be painful.But I'm also starting to think a lot seriously about SN.

Second. Jump into the water from the bridge. Painful but probably there shouldn't be people in the chosen place at night.

Third. Hanging. Practically every day I'm alone in 8/9 hours, but I have two left hands so I guess it'll fuck it up or I'll suffer forever. The more I read about it... I feel more and more stupid. I dream of something reliable, fast and painless.

Meh. I don't understand why we can't walk away like humans, euthanasia should be legal everywhere. The truth is the "government" poison us all our lives, add poison to food etc. to slowly kill us. Isn't such behavior inhumane? Why is someone constantly telling people that they are free? I hate this world. The therapist's words comfort me a bit and I try to believe them, one day she told me: "if someone wants to die, he will die and no one will stop him."


Sorry, I had to throw it out. Also sorry for my english.

You are free give you anxiety to God he will take care of it. message me we will get through it together buddy life can be very painful. You are not alone. Musical therapy dieting and counseling I will cure you. There is hope whatever you are going through I will help you solve it I solved it for myself I can do the same for you

You are free give you anxiety to God he will take care of it. message me we will get through it together buddy life can be very painful. You are not alone. Musical therapy dieting and counseling I will cure you. There is hope whatever you are going through I will help you solve it I solved it for myself I can do the same for you

Your*

 

[Leaving-Soon]

You are free give you anxiety to God he will take care of it. message me we will get through it together buddy life can be very painful. You are not alone. Musical therapy dieting and counseling I will cure you. There is hope whatever you are going through I will help you solve it I solved it for myself I can do the same for you

Your*

OMFG