im a shit student

[firewoodduck]

I've had fucking forever to study for my chem exam, not it's 2AM the night before and i haven't even covered 1/4 of what i need to. I never learned this shit properly he first time so I'm basically learning it all for the first time rn.

I've come so close to relaspsing on sh so many nights these past two weeks, the only thing stopping me is that I'm a fucking coward and too scared to do it. idk what to do. To quiet the urge I've been pouring candle wax on my hands. It started as dipping a pen in it and dabbing little dots, then progressed to tipping the candle over and pouring the melted wax directly. Maybe this counts as relapsing, idfk

I never learned how to study in elementary cuz i was naturally bright but that doesn't work for me anymore.

I'm such a fucking disappointment, to myself, to my parents, to my teachers who do fucking everything to cut me slack

I don't wanna live if I'm just gonna be like this. I'm pulling an all-nighter so I can't even hope to pass in my sleep, maybe all the caffeine I've had will stop my heart and I won't have to write this stupid fucking exam.

 

[loveable_lamb]

Oh I get how you feel. Never learned to study either because it just came naturally until it didn't.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. It's okay to fail an exam. With all that you're struggling with it's only natural that your academic life is suffering. Please take a break from school if you need to. No need to rush things if you're not feeling well

 

[uncat_]

im exactly like this too. i dont know what happens with all my time and suddenly, I rushing to understand concepts I should've known on day 1. its the main thing that makes me suicidal and have sh urges, and I keep falling back into that pattern every time an exam rolls around.
changing habits is hard, but not impossible, I think.

I have an exam in 5 days, and I need to catch up on my notes rn. fortunately, I'm in a bit of a better place than I was the last quarters, but I still feel like I'm drowning. but I still won't do anything I need to do.

something that's helped is getting disability accommodations with my college for exams and hw. i just have depression and anxiety, but that's good enough to count. maybe try that?

that won't help with the procrastination, but it can help for stress a bit.