Help I'm a mess and I don't know how I want to go about it.

[Topsy]

Two things I could use advice with.

Number one being, how in the fuck do you write a suicide note?
I've basically given up on it because I think it'll do more harm then good knowing me but I would like to tell my dad that I'd prefer to be cremated (it's a lot cheaper and it also seems somehow more pleasant???) but how do you write that out to someone? 'Oh btw can you do me a solid and burn me? While your at it just note I don't care about a funeral thanks and sorry for your loss!'
Like obviously I wouldn't word it like that but I can't seem to find any way to make it sound less out of place and insensitive, I don't want him to have to worry too much about the costs and if around here if they decide to cremate and not to have a funeral then it's only $2000 compared to the usual $10,000+.
And with the price that low his dad will likely pay for it so it'll be that little bit less to stress about, I hope.
Basically, how in the hell do I word this so it decent enough and a sugar coated enough that he can deal with it?

Issue number two,,, I ended up going out to the store yesterday to buy some Paracetamol to help OD with as I've tried previously with antidepressants and pain meds but they didn't do a lot, like at all. I had googled it and apparently 24 pills would be lethal for me and they had a pack of 20 so I figured 20 of those and then 20+ of the other painkillers and however many antidepressants would do the trick quite nicely. What I didn't know and have only just found out is that Paracetamol is supposed to be one of the worst things to OD on, it can take DAYS of excruciating pain before you die and god damn that is not what I had planned c'x

The problem is I don't know what to do, I'm on borrowed time and I need to get this done but if I take the Paracetamol then it's going to be so much harder then it has to be for everyone involved and ODing is the only way I'm really willing to do it.

This is what I have to work with:
-Escitalopram - 400mg (10mg per pill)
-Diclofenac Potassium - 600mg (25mg per pill)
-Paracetamol - 10,000mg + Ibuprofen 3000mg (500mg + 150mg per pill)

I'm wondering what would be the quickest and most effective combination of these if anyone has any idea?

 

[wiroho]

It's not gone work. Try SN.

 

[Topsy]

It's not gone work. Try SN.

Don't have the money, time or resources. Anyone else? c':

 

[wiroho]

Don't have the money, time or resources. Anyone else? c':

SN cost like 60bucks then buy a rope.

 

[Sickman75]

Two things I could use advice with.

Number one being, how in the fuck do you write a suicide note?
I've basically given up on it because I think it'll do more harm then good knowing me but I would like to tell my dad that I'd prefer to be cremated (it's a lot cheaper and it also seems somehow more pleasant???) but how do you write that out to someone? 'Oh btw can you do me a solid and burn me? While your at it just note I don't care about a funeral thanks and sorry for your loss!'
Like obviously I wouldn't word it like that but I can't seem to find any way to make it sound less out of place and insensitive, I don't want him to have to worry too much about the costs and if around here if they decide to cremate and not to have a funeral then it's only $2000 compared to the usual $10,000+.
And with the price that low his dad will likely pay for it so it'll be that little bit less to stress about, I hope.
Basically, how in the hell do I word this so it decent enough and a sugar coated enough that he can deal with it?

Issue number two,,, I ended up going out to the store yesterday to buy some Paracetamol to help OD with as I've tried previously with antidepressants and pain meds but they didn't do a lot, like at all. I had googled it and apparently 24 pills would be lethal for me and they had a pack of 20 so I figured 20 of those and then 20+ of the other painkillers and however many antidepressants would do the trick quite nicely. What I didn't know and have only just found out is that Paracetamol is supposed to be one of the worst things to OD on, it can take DAYS of excruciating pain before you die and god damn that is not what I had planned c'x

The problem is I don't know what to do, I'm on borrowed time and I need to get this done but if I take the Paracetamol then it's going to be so much harder then it has to be for everyone involved and ODing is the only way I'm really willing to do it.

This is what I have to work with:
-Escitalopram - 400mg (10mg per pill)
-Diclofenac Potassium - 600mg (25mg per pill)
-Paracetamol - 10,000mg + Ibuprofen 3000mg (500mg + 150mg per pill)

I'm wondering what would be the quickest and most effective combination of these if anyone has any idea?

Well if that's the way you want to go out then that's the way you want to. You already know it's going to suck and be painful, that's part of the process with this method. You can't change it.

About the note...maybe your thinking about it too hard? Maybe just let it flow naturally?

 

[Topsy]

Thank you Sickman, my concern is that my dad is going to know and have to watch me die. Slowly.
Not to mention since he know's I've tried this sort of stuff before he'll likely just take me to the hospital.
I'm hoping if I mix them then it might speed it up so it only takes a day or less? That way he hopefully won't find out.
Unfortunately I have no clue if that'll work because I suck at research and there's not much info on it anyway c':

Yeah, I'm definitely thinking about it too hard. I don't want to leave a full blown note anymore just a little thing of 'Oh hey, I'd like to be cremated btw.' but I don't know how to make it sound, normal I guess? I don't want it to be too casual or too demanding and I'm stuck cx

 

[21Neberg]

Number one being, how in the fuck do you write a suicide note?

I've found this to be extremely hard as well. Writing a note for your loved ones to find when you're gone gives me emotions of guilt I simply cannot handle, so I'm not even going to bother like the weak piece of shit I am. You could also try to film a video though, and try to explain your reasons for suicide and wishes for after your death 'in person'. It might be easier to say the things you want to say to a camera than to write them down.

 

[Topsy]

I've found this to be extremely hard as well. Writing a note for your loved ones to find when you're gone gives me emotions of guilt I simply cannot handle, so I'm not even going to bother like the weak piece of shit I am. You could also try to film a video though, and try to explain your reasons for suicide and wishes for after your death 'in person'. It might be easier to say the things you want to say to a camera than to write them down.

That's the reason I gave up on it, I partially blame both him and my mom for this whole mess I'm in and so I found that whenever I tried to write it out I was either going to end up making him feel guilty or me which in turn would make the other person feel guilty and it was a vicious cycle so I just gave up cx
I had actually though about filming it but I'm hella camera shy, I've also lost my camera charger and I don't have a phone and so I literally couldn't if I wanted to. Figures. Not to mention I'd have to mention what I'd like him to do/think about with my cat and I would no doubt cry if I had to mention her so I don't think it'd work out well c':

 

[Sickman75]

Thank you Sickman, my concern is that my dad is going to know and have to watch me die. Slowly.
Not to mention since he know's I've tried this sort of stuff before he'll likely just take me to the hospital.
I'm hoping if I mix them then it might speed it up so it only takes a day or less? That way he hopefully won't find out.
Unfortunately I have no clue if that'll work because I suck at research and there's not much info on it anyway c':

Yeah, I'm definitely thinking about it too hard. I don't want to leave a full blown note anymore just a little thing of 'Oh hey, I'd like to be cremated btw.' but I don't know how to make it sound, normal I guess? I don't want it to be too casual or too demanding and I'm stuck cx

.
As far as yourt medication goes. You would have to plan that accordingly with time and your father's time. The note, is placed in your back pocket. But you would have to take the pills on his schedule so he doesn't have to witness your death. Hopefully that made sense.

 

[Sickman75]

Oh wait you want to blame your father or cause blame so the other feels the blame?

I don't know the relationship with your folks. I thought I read you want to blame someone? I could be wrong, if I am...I apologize

Ok I re read that last comment you made .That's a hard one. I guess you really have a few choices in the matter. Be blunt about it or keep things classy. I mean you should tell them how you feel so that perhaps you can die knowing you did your part of telling them. But then again, maybe it's best not to say anything.

 

[Topsy]

Yeah, I think I'm going to try a bit of both, blunt and classy.
It's 6am and I just want to go to bed so I won't make a true note as such just, the typical I love you and then a few extra notes of my preferences sprinkled in with it. I think I'll just take all the pills and hope for the best, hopefully the extra pills will speed things up and he leaves for work soon and so I'll have the full day to let everything happen.

A bit of a messy plan but I'm tired so here's hoping it works regardless xD

 

[Sickman75]

Yeah, I think I'm going to try a bit of both, blunt and classy.
It's 6am and I just want to go to bed so I won't make a true note as such just, the typical I love you and then a few extra notes of my preferences sprinkled in with it. I think I'll just take all the pills and hope for the best, hopefully the extra pills will speed things up and he leaves for work soon and so I'll have the full day to let everything happen.

A bit of a messy plan but I'm tired so here's hoping it works regardless xD

Well I wish you the best. And if you want to talk more we can. I hope things go well for you.

 

[Topsy]

Thank you very much and I'm so glad you responded, even though I'm at this point too tired to really think anything out xD
You've been super kind and helpful, I really do appreciate it! <3

 

[Sickman75]

Thank you very much and I'm so glad you responded, even though I'm at this point too tired to really think anything out xD
You've been super kind and helpful, I really do appreciate it! <3

Ok well, if you change your mind we can. Thanks for chatting with me and I hope you aren't in alot of pain during all of this

 

[Topsy]

Phew, I was in the hospital most of yesterday and today, needless to say it didn't work. I didn't quite have enough time.
I got out fine because I wasn't feeling suicidal, just very regretful and in a shit ton of discomfort but now that I feel a bit better I'm realizing that it's not that I didn't want to die anymore I just didn't want to be in so much pain when they asked me and now I want to die again.
Time to look for some better routes I guess c':

 

[Sickman75]

Phew, I was in the hospital most of yesterday and today, needless to say it didn't work. I didn't quite have enough time.
I got out fine because I wasn't feeling suicidal, just very regretful and in a shit ton of discomfort but now that I feel a bit better I'm realizing that it's not that I didn't want to die anymore I just didn't want to be in so much pain when they asked me and now I want to die again.
Time to look for some better routes I guess c':

I was wondering where and what happened to you. Man, I don't know what to say. Im glad your not in tremendously amount of pain. I've been in alot myself lately it's really bad. I hope you don't feel like I do. Is there anything I can be any help of for you? If you want to chat..we can chat it up.

 

[Topsy]

Why are you in so much pain, if you don't mind me asking?
And honestly I'm alright, after leaving the hospital I've got a wicked headache and a bit of nausea so I'm trying to let those subside before I do anything c':

 

[Sickman75]

just emotionally drained kind of pain

 

[Lara Francis]

Phew, I was in the hospital most of yesterday and today, needless to say it didn't work. I didn't quite have enough time.
I got out fine because I wasn't feeling suicidal, just very regretful and in a shit ton of discomfort but now that I feel a bit better I'm realizing that it's not that I didn't want to die anymore I just didn't want to be in so much pain when they asked me and now I want to die again.
Time to look for some better routes I guess c':

Wishing you a speedy recovery Topsy.