Livingvsdying25
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,188
Trying to finally die. But also... still tàkes so much to give up.
Fucking bullshit of being stuck in the middle. Im too much of hopless piece of shit to receive or access help(if there was even anything)
And im too hesitant or whatever to just get to death and the steps.
Well im getting there but it's def taking my brain some time.
I'm so used to grasping at straws just to find help or recovery or whatever.
Im over it.
Like try for life and support and it's a constant painful empty nothing. Reminder that I'm alone and mean nothing.
Just a fail at life thats stuck and thats why I am trying to push myself bc stuck in the middle of life and death is a fucking awful way to "live"
So yeah... it's not even per say a choice anymore. I CAN'T live like this and I CAN'T do better for my life so I HAVE to kill myself. Sounds irrational and maybe it is but doesn't change reality.
Living life while dead is horrible and eventually just makes living more and more impossible..
I dunno. I just wish I could give up fully. My hope is a miserable experience where I expect nothing to come out of my efforts. In a way I already have goven up in that way.
Suicide is a for sure reality now. I will be gone this year.
I just wish I could stop wanting a better future. It doesn't exist. Even if it does im not capable and I'll never be able to amount to anything worthwhile.
I've wasted the last 4 years just to experience more abuse and suffering FINALLY get my own place only to end it upon truly having the space to take a good look at life amd myself.
I wish it wasn't so fucking painful inside to give it all up. Ugh.
But im getting there.
Fucking bullshit of being stuck in the middle. Im too much of hopless piece of shit to receive or access help(if there was even anything)
And im too hesitant or whatever to just get to death and the steps.
Well im getting there but it's def taking my brain some time.
I'm so used to grasping at straws just to find help or recovery or whatever.
Im over it.
Like try for life and support and it's a constant painful empty nothing. Reminder that I'm alone and mean nothing.
Just a fail at life thats stuck and thats why I am trying to push myself bc stuck in the middle of life and death is a fucking awful way to "live"
So yeah... it's not even per say a choice anymore. I CAN'T live like this and I CAN'T do better for my life so I HAVE to kill myself. Sounds irrational and maybe it is but doesn't change reality.
Living life while dead is horrible and eventually just makes living more and more impossible..
I dunno. I just wish I could give up fully. My hope is a miserable experience where I expect nothing to come out of my efforts. In a way I already have goven up in that way.
Suicide is a for sure reality now. I will be gone this year.
I just wish I could stop wanting a better future. It doesn't exist. Even if it does im not capable and I'll never be able to amount to anything worthwhile.
I've wasted the last 4 years just to experience more abuse and suffering FINALLY get my own place only to end it upon truly having the space to take a good look at life amd myself.
I wish it wasn't so fucking painful inside to give it all up. Ugh.
But im getting there.