Venting I'm a lesbian.

[Marz]

There is not much use to this revelation, given I want to die soon. In a few days maybe. Regardless, it does mean something to me. After so many issues and difficulties in my life I never had the chance to sit down and actually analyze my sexuality. For years, I wrote off I was bisexual. I thought being straight was normal after growing up in a catholic household. But after having a relationship with a man, and having sex with many...
I can tell I am not into them. I have never felt towards men the way I feel towards women. I never have or never will. My mother denied my sexuality when I came out to her at 14, so I shut down trying to find out more about myself for years. My internalized homophobia runs deep, very deep. But it is what it is. I have had so much abuse my entire life my identity got blurred and slurred. At least here I can be honest. I will not come out in real life. I do not wish to. Now I know this part of me that was buried deep down and at least for that, I am happy.

 

[Circles]

I understand how hard it is to take to accept a part of yourself so internalized. I still am conflicted on even accepting that part of me because I'd have to live with it all alone but atleast it feels like a release like taking a load off my shoulders. Like you I won't ever come out but atleast we don't have to lie about it to ourselves anymore. All in all, good for you and hope this acceptance helps nurture some small peace in this life.

 

[maybeimalreadydead]

Just want to say I can really relate with this so much. You wrote exactly the words I feel. Hugs to you

 

[sullengirl]

This year, I too realized that I was gay after believing I was bisexual... And I also refuse to come out to anyone. A part of me is happy I never have to come out and deal with the inevitable backlash, the other part is sad that I will have died being the only one knowing my true identity. As you said, it is what it is. Godspeed, I hope the best for you genuinely.

 

[BPD_LE]

I find it heart breaking you guys don't feel you can come out. It must be so hard. I'm bisexual and never really came out. I'm very lucky. Everyone just kinda knows and are very accepting either way. I always say I love who I love, none of your business, end of story! Sending love and support to you guys

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

I find it heart breaking you guys don't feel you can come out. It must be so hard. I'm bisexual and never really came out. I'm very lucky. Everyone just kinda knows and are very accepting either way. I always say I love who I love, none of your business, end of story! Sending love and support to you guys

I wish I could be brave like you.... I'm definitely bi but very few know it.... Now that I think of it I don't think irl many even suspect I don't mind telling people online but I wish I could be free to be who I want to be.....

 

[BPD_LE]

I wish I could be brave like you.... I'm definitely bi but very few know it.... Now that I think of it I don't think irl many even suspect I don't mind telling people online but I wish I could be free to be who I want to be.....

I guess when I'm obviously crushing on some girl it's difficult to hide! I'm not the best at hiding my feelings! I have a great boyfriend and he's totally cool with it because I'm strictly faithful. May I ask why you are afraid? Are you afraid of being judged? You should never ever be ashamed of who you are. If people judge you negatively for your sexuality, kick them out your life! They are not nice people and you deserve better ❤

 

[justanotherday]

Well, this is is one of the many thousands of ways this world is such a cruel place ... it is so sad that so many people are against gay and bisexual people and are against them ,and judge them. Who do they think they are to judge?!

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

I guess when I'm obviously crushing on some girl it's difficult to hide! I'm not the best at hiding my feelings! I have a great boyfriend and he's totally cool with it because I'm strictly faithful. May I ask why you are afraid? Are you afraid of being judged? You should never ever be ashamed of who you are. If people judge you negatively for your sexuality, kick them out your life! They are not nice people and you deserve better ❤

Yes i am afraid of being judged and what the judgement of others and myself may lead me to do to myself... I need to accept me first and I do feel some day I may be open and free... I want to celebrate lgbt some year..... That's if I can manage to not be a complete nervous wreck....... Or if I can even last long..... Having a good minute I know it won't last I'm been optimistic.....