Venting I'm a horrible person and it makes me want to die (even more)

[gnomeboy17]

So obviously you all know about the deaths from protesting and deaths from Coronavirus. I'm sorry but I'm genuinely incapable of caring. All my friends are talking about how disgusting it is that people are getting killed for being black and the news is also talking a lot about the thousands of Coronavirus deaths. So when my "friends" are talking about these things I have to fake being empathetic because I know that's how I should be, but I just genuinely CAN'T care, and I wish I could, but I just don't. This makes me feel even more guilty for wanting to die because people are dying and all I can think is "I wish that was me" which makes me want to die so much more. Fuck,,, I just wish I was dead so i can stop faking emotions. I constantly change my personality depending on who I'm talking to.

I was talking to a really nice girl from school and I had to pretend to care about all the protesters getting shot because otherwise I'd come across as racist (which I'm really not) but it's not that I'm racist it's just that I don't care about anything in the way I should. I just don't feel like I'm supposed to.

 

[patheticpartner]

I don't think you're horrible for not caring. What's the reason you don't care? Is it because they don't personally affect you or your loved ones? Because you know that caring about it as much as others and that girl you like wouldn't change the situation? Would you care if your loved one was infected with covid-19 or if your loved one was murdered by police?

 

[gnomeboy17]

I don't think you're horrible for not caring. What's the reason you don't care? Is it because they don't personally affect you or your loved ones? Because you know that caring about it as much as others and that girl you like wouldn't change the situation? Would you care if your loved one was infected with covid-19 or if your loved one was murdered by police?

It probably is partly due to not being personally affected, and that it doesn't really matter. If someone I knew died from either cause I probably would be sad but the last time someone I knew died, I felt so guilty because my first thought was "it should've been me" which is so self centered. Although I did feel sad for the families left behind it just makes me think "at least they have a reason to kill themselves" whereas everyone thinks I'm happy and have a good life (spoiler: I'm not)

I just constantly make it about me because I lack empathy and I can't explain that to some girl from school because I'll just sound racist and self centered

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I completely understand. I don't care too much either. It's selfish but I have enough to worry about in my own life.

The Coronavirus is awful and is terrifying at its worst, but something like this was bound to happen at some point. This pandemic has shown just how unprepared some areas of the world (ahem my country) are for these things. Maybe we'll do better next time. I work at a hospital and can't afford to worry too much about it. I would be out of a job.

I'm quite honestly tired of hearing about the police. I don't think they're all bad. Just like any other group of people, you get some bad apples and it makes everyone look bad. And unfortunately it's a line of work where the bad apples tend to be cruel and abusive. Proper consequences should be carried out, but things like this will honestly happen again and again. It sucks but that's the world we live in.

I'm tired of people on social media, and just the media in general, telling us what we should care about and shoving it down our throats. You get compassiom fatigue after a while and have to be choosy about what you really care about.

I'm really sorry if I'm coming across as a bitch. I don't have anyone irl I can say that too because they'll think I'm heartless.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Humans are actually "wired" as social animals so that they can only care about a limited number of people. The size of social structures such as communities is also limited. We cannot care about everyone. We can probably only care about a limited number of issues as well. If it is not one's issue, and one doesn't personally know someone involved, it's not natural to care. Nowadays, there is so fucking much to care about, and it brings on compassion fatigue. There are too many issues, too many dramas, too much potential and ostensible danger. And we really are powerless to do anything about it. So I believe it's a natural response to stop caring. The theory of the Laws of Emotions says that emotions propel us to next actions. If one has no possible next action, then stopping caring is a natural response. It protects. Similarly, if one becomes bored, they are motivated to seek an action to relieve it. We are motivated to action. It seems natural that if one cannot act, one shuts down all motivating action with regard to the subject, and will recover to be propelled to more effective actions.

On a side note, I do not keep up with the news. Usually I find out from other people and then pursue the topic if I'm interested or, in the case of COVID, if it impacts me. The news is full of too many things I can't do anything about, so I stopped following it years ago. Can someone give me a link about the protests? This is the first I've heard.

 

[gnomeboy17]

I completely understand. I don't care too much either. It's selfish but I have enough to worry about in my own life.

The Coronavirus is awful and is terrifying at its worst, but something like this was bound to happen at some point. This pandemic has shown just how unprepared some areas of the world (ahem my country) are for these things. Maybe we'll do better next time. I work at a hospital and can't afford to worry too much about it. I would be out of a job.

I'm quite honestly tired of hearing about the police. I don't think they're all bad. Just like any other group of people, you get some bad apples and it makes everyone look bad. And unfortunately it's a line of work where the bad apples tend to be cruel and abusive. Proper consequences should be carried out, but things like this will honestly happen again and again. It sucks but that's the world we live in.

I'm tired of people on social media, and just the media in general, telling us what we should care about and shoving it down our throats. You get compassiom fatigue after a while and have to be choosy about what you really care about.

I'm really sorry if I'm coming across as a bitch. I don't have anyone irl I can say that too because they'll think I'm heartless.

Awh thanks so much, I'm glad to see it's not just me who feels like this too, and I wouldn't say this anywhere else because I know people will see it as "heartless"

Humans are actually "wired" as social animals so that they can only care about a limited number of people. The size of social structures such as communities is also limited. We cannot care about everyone. We can probably only care about a limited number of issues as well. If it is not one's issue, and one doesn't personally know someone involved, it's not natural to care. Nowadays, there is so fucking much to care about, and it brings on compassion fatigue. There are too many issues, too many dramas, too much potential and ostensible danger. And we really are powerless to do anything about it. So I believe it's a natural response to stop caring. The theory of the Laws of Emotions says that emotions propel us to next actions. If one has no possible next action, then stopping caring is a natural response. It protects. Similarly, if one becomes bored, they are motivated to seek an action to relieve it. We are motivated to action. It seems natural that if one cannot act, one shuts down all motivating action with regard to the subject, and will recover to be propelled to more effective actions.

On a side note, I do not keep up with the news. Usually I find out from other people and then pursue the topic if I'm interested or, in the case of COVID, if it impacts me. The news is full of too many things I can't do anything about, so I stopped following it years ago. Can someone give me a link about the protests? This is the first I've heard.

If you're interested, probably just turn on any news channel! Or go on any social media, sorry I don't have any specific links to send you but there's a lot out there about it. :)

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Awh thanks so much, I'm glad to see it's not just me who feels like this too, and I wouldn't say this anywhere else because I know people will see it as "heartless"

If you're interested, probably just turn on any news channel! Or go on any social media, sorry I don't have any specific links to send you but there's a lot out there about it. :)

I don't have a TV. Can you at least tell me where the protests were and what they were protesting against? I don't mean to be lazy. I stay away from the news for a reason, it would make it easier to search if you could narrow it down for me. I don't like being slammed by a lot of extraneous stuff I either hate or can't do anything about. :) The news is like an assault to me because of how it's presented.

 

[gnomeboy17]

I don't have a TV. Can you at least tell me where the protests were and what they were protesting against? I don't mean to be lazy. I stay away from the news for a reason, it would make it easier to search if you could narrow it down for me. I don't like being slammed by a lot of extraneous stuff I either hate or can't do anything about. :) The news is like an assault to me because of how it's presented.

Ohh to, fair enough, CNN is good as they have a what you need to know section, https://www.cnn.com/us/live-news/george-floyd-protests-05-31-20/index.html

 

[shipwreck]

I don't have a TV. Can you at least tell me where the protests were and what they were protesting against? I don't mean to be lazy. I stay away from the news for a reason, it would make it easier to search if you could narrow it down for me. I don't like being slammed by a lot of extraneous stuff I either hate or can't do anything about. :) The news is like an assault to me because of how it's presented.

Just go to any major news source: CNN, BBC. It's all over the news. An African American man named George Floyd was killed earlier this week by a Minneapolis policeman who choked him with his knee for 9 minutes. Three other policemen stood by and did nothing. The country has erupted in protest. Pretty much all major cities. Looters and extremists on both sides of the political spectrum have jumped in and caused havoc. Buildings and cars torched, stores pillaged. Meanwhile our president tweets encouragement to LE to shoot protesters, blames political opponents... the usual.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Just go to any major news source: CNN, BBC. It's all over the news. An African American man named George Floyd was killed earlier this week by a Minneapolis policeman who choked him with his knee for 9 minutes. Three other policemen stood by and did nothing. The country has erupted in protest. Pretty much all major cities. Looters and extremists on both sides of the political spectrum have jumped in and caused havoc. Buildings and cars torched, stores pillaged. Meanwhile our president tweets encouragement to LE to shoot protesters, blames political opponents... the usual.

That was everything I needed to know. Not even gonna search for more. Thank you for the summary and analysis.

FTW. So over it. Fuck COVID drama and "security measures" for public protection and a new goddamn normal. I am over all of it.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Just go to any major news source: CNN, BBC. It's all over the news. An African American man named George Floyd was killed earlier this week by a Minneapolis policeman who choked him with his knee for 9 minutes. Three other policemen stood by and did nothing. The country has erupted in protest. Pretty much all major cities. Looters and extremists on both sides of the political spectrum have jumped in and caused havoc. Buildings and cars torched, stores pillaged. Meanwhile our president tweets encouragement to LE to shoot protesters, blames political opponents... the usual.

I love my country *sarcasm*

 

[shipwreck]

The level of selfishness, tribalism and casual disregard for others' lives on display is demoralizing, to be sure.