Swear I'm gonna try to make this as short as i can...
Story goes like this: dad meets woman, they get married, gets preggo, gives birth to my step brother. Dad breakes her hand in a fight, she fills for a divorce, later on dad meets my fuckup mom, they skip the marriage, wants to get abortion in month 7, doctor refuses, here i spawn.
Got beaten by "mom" year after year. Went to dad. Cried to dad. Couple of years later dad starts beating me too. They never have money for a chocolate but they do have money for cigarettes. Stupid me doesn't understand. Young me had no friends whatsoever, no neighbours with kids, and whether it was kindergarten or school, I'd always get bullied over retarded shit, like, my ears being slightly parted from my head, my teeth, my...idk everything pretty much?
Eventually i started lookin for love in relationships, very fucking bad idea, cause guess who got cheated on and eventually abused too. started s h. Had my first suicide attempt at 14 with meds from the psychiatrist. Later on, "the love of mah life" has beaten the fuck outta me and kept calling me names. In the meantime, my whole depression and anxiety (i used to hide behind people because my first lesson in life is that people are shit) went ballistic, to the point of hallucinating. Never went to a psychiatrist again because i was scared of being hospitalised. Preferred coping mechanisms? Drugs, alcohol, sh, eventually starving myself because i felt fat. Used to drink coffee so I wouldn't be hungry. In the meantime i was getting sicker and sicker and obviously no one wanted to get me to a doc. Left home at 18, never went to college again after I graduated highschool and realised i am so damn sick that i'm spending between a quarter and a half of my paycheck every month on meds. Recently i lost the only person that actually gave me hope that we can do it. Nowadays I'm a burden for my roommate (he's one of my exes but we're good friends) because all i do all day is to be anxious at home and at work, i got a shitty job (lost an amazing job because of an asshole of a boss), I'm constantly crying and depressed and drunk, and i swear that all i want is for this to end.
I'm getting hope vibes from day to day that my person might come back, or that i'm gonna get more money, or that I'm gonna get my inheritance soon...
But why would i stay when all that i do with my money is spending it on more medicine? Why do i have to go every 2 months to hospitals? Why am i constantly losing stuff? Jobs, people, friends (I'm just isolating myself nowadays), houses (this is the 3rd apartment i rent, lost a huge ass house cause i got fired and had a huge paycheck). I just hope the SN is gonna work.
Sorry for the long rant.
Story goes like this: dad meets woman, they get married, gets preggo, gives birth to my step brother. Dad breakes her hand in a fight, she fills for a divorce, later on dad meets my fuckup mom, they skip the marriage, wants to get abortion in month 7, doctor refuses, here i spawn.
Got beaten by "mom" year after year. Went to dad. Cried to dad. Couple of years later dad starts beating me too. They never have money for a chocolate but they do have money for cigarettes. Stupid me doesn't understand. Young me had no friends whatsoever, no neighbours with kids, and whether it was kindergarten or school, I'd always get bullied over retarded shit, like, my ears being slightly parted from my head, my teeth, my...idk everything pretty much?
Eventually i started lookin for love in relationships, very fucking bad idea, cause guess who got cheated on and eventually abused too. started s h. Had my first suicide attempt at 14 with meds from the psychiatrist. Later on, "the love of mah life" has beaten the fuck outta me and kept calling me names. In the meantime, my whole depression and anxiety (i used to hide behind people because my first lesson in life is that people are shit) went ballistic, to the point of hallucinating. Never went to a psychiatrist again because i was scared of being hospitalised. Preferred coping mechanisms? Drugs, alcohol, sh, eventually starving myself because i felt fat. Used to drink coffee so I wouldn't be hungry. In the meantime i was getting sicker and sicker and obviously no one wanted to get me to a doc. Left home at 18, never went to college again after I graduated highschool and realised i am so damn sick that i'm spending between a quarter and a half of my paycheck every month on meds. Recently i lost the only person that actually gave me hope that we can do it. Nowadays I'm a burden for my roommate (he's one of my exes but we're good friends) because all i do all day is to be anxious at home and at work, i got a shitty job (lost an amazing job because of an asshole of a boss), I'm constantly crying and depressed and drunk, and i swear that all i want is for this to end.
I'm getting hope vibes from day to day that my person might come back, or that i'm gonna get more money, or that I'm gonna get my inheritance soon...
But why would i stay when all that i do with my money is spending it on more medicine? Why do i have to go every 2 months to hospitals? Why am i constantly losing stuff? Jobs, people, friends (I'm just isolating myself nowadays), houses (this is the 3rd apartment i rent, lost a huge ass house cause i got fired and had a huge paycheck). I just hope the SN is gonna work.
Sorry for the long rant.
