im a failure at 19

[wherearewenow]

im failing school and i don't know why. i just can't bring myself to do it. my mom knows im suicidal but is still so angry about me for failing school. she's leaving for a one month trip soon and part of me is so tempted to end my life while she's gone. i know i won't, but i really want to.

i'm a fucking failure.

 

[dolemitedrums]

You have to do worse than fail at school to be a write off at 19.

 

[waterworks]

Think about this, what's among the first things humans do when they encounter something they don't understand? Try to put a label on it, categorize it. We are so hardwired to recognize patterns, sometimes, we don't see that not everything fits neatly into a box. You're not a failure, though you feel and may want to be one. There are plenty of things you're succeeding at outside of school; for one, you made it to 19, you're alive (and my god living is hard), which many did not manage. Now, I'm not saying you have to live, but I feel you don't have to rush to end your life; it's okay but you have time to find other ways.

For a moment, forget about responsibilities and what you feel you need to succeed at. What about school is giving you a hard time?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

What kind of school do u go to? Maybe it's simply too difficult for you. But you're certainly not a failure you need the right support for your circumstances not everyone is a genius. With 19 there's nothing lost. Do your parents have too high expectations and you suffer from immense pressure?

 

[Mirrory Me]

im failing school and i don't know why. i just can't bring myself to do it.

Have you thought about taking Adderall as a study aid? It could help you to hyperfocus.

 

[derpyderpins]

See, I want to just say that you can't be a failure at 19, but that kind of advice never helped me. I've heard that "oh you're only X you have all the time in the world" and just wrote it off.

If tons of people have blown you away right out of the gate, seems impossible to catch up, right? Life is a big competition after all. Only so many good outcomes are up for grabs.

I do think 19 is way too early to give up on success. Where's the exact age? Idk. At 31 I am pretty limited based on the path I've been on to this point. 25, maybe? I couldn't say for sure, but I'm very confident it's not 19.

I'll tell you this: you don't have to follow the trends. School is a waste for a large part. I was always too cowardly to try anything but the normal "plan." But, I can see that going and trying something else might have worked. It's better to try while you're young than slowly decay.

 

[Trav1989]

You have to do worse than fail at school to be a write off at 19.

Yeah, I'd at least wait until your 30 after you have failed a marriage or two and then you'll be more motivated to go through with CTB. When I was 19 I tried to commit suicide many times and my hormones and desire to live always caused me to fail and then I'd end up worse off than before. You have to try a bit at life to truly get reality hammered in and then it's almost like flipping a switch instead of such a big deal.

 

[L0neW0lf]

someone said >
sometimes i just have to convince myself not to take life seriously.

 

[trappedinthislife]

Have you thought about taking Adderall as a study aid? It could help you to hyperfocus.

Not against this advice, but OP, if you want to take this, I URGE you to do research on side effects. Adderall is notoriously hard to taper off, once you're on it it becomes like water - you will have a very hard time living off of it. Also the impact it'll have on your brain as well. Make sure to research everything well before proceeding.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Not against this advice, but OP, if you want to take this, I URGE you to do research on side effects. Adderall is notoriously hard to taper off, once you're on it it becomes like water - you will have a very hard time living off of it. Also the impact it'll have on your brain as well. Make sure to research everything well before proceeding.

It's a ADHD medication, which enables some of those people to be more productive, to study and work like as a normal person. Didn't find much information about its side effects on brain, it's mainly amphetamine and dextroamphetamine, so it could lead to dependency.

 

[card1nal]

I am also 19, and also feel like a failure sometimes! School is really hard, and I realized that it's mostly because I have ADHD and went undiagnosed for most of my life lol. I hate the idea that people our age must be going to school and doing well, otherwise they are a failure. Being our age means that we are meant to fail until we figure out what works for us. Some people don't do well in college! That's okay! Trade school is a wonderful alternative, and there are plenty of online certificates to get for other jobs, like fixing computers (which I once looked into because of my own struggles)!

My solution, before I realized I had ADHD, has been to take community college classes (because they are cheaper) and working to save up money. I take whatever amount of classes I can handle in a semester and try not to stress myself while I figure out what I want to do with life. I know that you may feel like a failure, but I assure you that there are so many people our age who feel the same way you do. We just don't talk about it because we feel ashamed lol.

Also, no offense, but your mom sucks. Do you have any other people you can stay with, or is this your only/best option for now? I realized that my high school living situation was a big stressor in my life, so as soon as I turned 18 I moved in with another family member who was willing to take me in. It completely changed things for me! If you can't, maybe try to find a community of people who will support you to offset your mom's comments; like a hobby group or something!

And, regarding the replies suggesting Adderall as a study aid: I do not think you should be taking Adderall unless you are prescribed it for ADHD. Slippery slope. Even I have been very careful with it, despite having a prescription. It would be stupid to use it, especially if you are struggling mentally because the feelings that come with taking it can be addictive. I almost had a moment where I wanted to take more than I needed because of how it made me feel, but it is in no way worth it. Withdrawal sucks.

 

[Worndown]

School is not the answer for everyone.
What are your interests? What would you like to do?
Everyone does something. At 19, you have a lot of options snd the time to try things.
Your mother will just have to get over it. Her choices seem to be you doing something else or you being dead.