Venting Im 20 now and still alone

[Covalite]

I turned 20 as of 30 minutes ago... I hate my repetitive life, i hate my hermitage and biggest of all I hate my self. I just wana curl up to a ball and disapeer. I wanted to write this at the 12pm mark but i couldnt stop crying... My life is nothing but rejection, abandonment and woes. I cant end it today but im considering doing it soonish if things still keep going down. I just want some comforting words but also i dont wana reval much about my self... I also wana know how N2 works and how its done cuase knowledge is power. I just wana ctb soon thats all sorry for the ramble but im pretty tired and also still crying a bit.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

Happy birthday , am sorry you are feeling so bad right now. I've been there although it was my 26th when I felt so miserable I was googling methods. Now I wish I could actually be 26 again. Still here 9 years later and honestly knowing I was doing that on my birthday is not a good memory. I think I also spent my 21st in tears so I do understand, I guess it's a time we feel extra sensitive about things. I don't want this to come off patronising, but 20 is so young and you have plenty of time to figure stuff out. Do you have anyone in your life you can talk to about how you're feeling? I hope you manage to get some joy out of today. You deserve it just like anyone else

 

[Covalite]

Happy birthday , am sorry you are feeling so bad right now. I've been there although it was my 26th when I felt so miserable I was googling methods. Now I wish I could actually be 26 again. Still here 9 years later and honestly knowing I was doing that on my birthday is not a good memory. I think I also spent my 21st in tears so I do understand, I guess it's a time we feel extra sensitive about things. I don't want this to come off patronising, but 20 is so young and you have plenty of time to figure stuff out. Do you have anyone in your life you can talk to about how you're feeling? I hope you manage to get some joy out of today. You deserve it just like anyone else

Thank you for the nice words and the kind attempt to make me feal better. 20 is young but ive been truly alone for 5 years and been isolated long before that. Today will be same old same old so doubt their will be much joy.

 

[boblong]

Happy birthday Covalite ! As a 23-year old fat male , I kinda understand your feeling .

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Happy birthday. I hope this marks the start of a better decade. You mentioned not having a high school diploma. Getting your GED or th equivalent could be a good goal. Worth looking into.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's very much understandable just wanting to disappear, I also hate existing, in fact I always have done and I get that it certainly can be so awful when existing here just continues to get worse. But anyway best wishes.