DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME ON THIS POST, IT'S A SELF NOTE VERY UNREADABLE
i am- confused, very confused and deep down a puddle of a sort. it is my mind deciding whether to live or not where only a single part of my mind that waslikely a promise of a sort on oneself, to someone someone close is in conflict with the rest of my body, my mind which screams to not fulfil that promise. woah, writing it sure helps :) ah right so as ii can't decide on one, i mean i think i think my body the 99% percent of it want to be alive but that 1% which includes the promise isan idea that's really pretty and good and i like it and definitely want to try it. but this is where teh dilemma is, you aren't gonna havechances with this thing, the glorious detah. if you die you die and you don't have an option to look back.
this problem it started when i unknowingly began to recover, due to the distractions, hormonal shit, desires?, ah- atrractive shit around you ?? like all the high dopamine and bll basically. now obviously i wouldn't have resorted to those things if i were alone in my journey. as along as i was alone and had a bubble around me, i very much was prepared for a death ! but the moment i let people in, i let empathy in, i let the excuse of " why not do this one last time-" in,my mind eventually got too diverted off of things. and i don't feel the pain i once used to which right wihich people would think as a godo thing but no it isn't i- my pain was more or less in the forms of guilt and remorse whatever e we may call it. and i don't wnat to get rid of it ( that being the reason why i am writting things here, i just vent here to myself, write self notes or whatever. i'll put a disclaimer or something saying that it isn't worth reading any of this so no one wastes their time. i am sorry
please forgive me fiorgive me really i am i am sorryr mini ;) i can't help bu tthink of my prents and i i think i have misused these thoughts for a lot of things and i am not ending it now, here i am obviously lying i am just wasting my time around but believe me i'd kill myself for what happened, i wil i will
i love you mini , my mini ( safe to assume na ? )
i am- confused, very confused and deep down a puddle of a sort. it is my mind deciding whether to live or not where only a single part of my mind that waslikely a promise of a sort on oneself, to someone someone close is in conflict with the rest of my body, my mind which screams to not fulfil that promise. woah, writing it sure helps :) ah right so as ii can't decide on one, i mean i think i think my body the 99% percent of it want to be alive but that 1% which includes the promise isan idea that's really pretty and good and i like it and definitely want to try it. but this is where teh dilemma is, you aren't gonna havechances with this thing, the glorious detah. if you die you die and you don't have an option to look back.
this problem it started when i unknowingly began to recover, due to the distractions, hormonal shit, desires?, ah- atrractive shit around you ?? like all the high dopamine and bll basically. now obviously i wouldn't have resorted to those things if i were alone in my journey. as along as i was alone and had a bubble around me, i very much was prepared for a death ! but the moment i let people in, i let empathy in, i let the excuse of " why not do this one last time-" in,my mind eventually got too diverted off of things. and i don't feel the pain i once used to which right wihich people would think as a godo thing but no it isn't i- my pain was more or less in the forms of guilt and remorse whatever e we may call it. and i don't wnat to get rid of it ( that being the reason why i am writting things here, i just vent here to myself, write self notes or whatever. i'll put a disclaimer or something saying that it isn't worth reading any of this so no one wastes their time. i am sorry
please forgive me fiorgive me really i am i am sorryr mini ;) i can't help bu tthink of my prents and i i think i have misused these thoughts for a lot of things and i am not ending it now, here i am obviously lying i am just wasting my time around but believe me i'd kill myself for what happened, i wil i will
i love you mini , my mini ( safe to assume na ? )
