embrace_release
end me
- Mar 13, 2021
- 32
Can't I just be normal? Can't I just ignore all this pain this world is in, all the trauma I had, all the mishaps? Can't I just be an obedient worker drone who doesn't have the ability to self-reflect and not be sentient for most of my life?
Dear Lord, I can't turn away my eyes from this wall of fire this world is engulfing me in, I try to hold my breath and avoid inhaling the ashes falling onto me, covering my clothes, my skin, everything that was holy to me, turning everything into a grey carpet wherever I look. My body, my face is covered in it, I can't recognize myself anymore when I look into the mirror, just two eyes embedded into frigid ash staring me down.
I don't blame you, the reasons for this fire igniting were beyond my control, how could I have done anything, my frail child soul could barely comprehend why and how. But it was my fault not putting out the flames when it grew stronger. As time went on I just kept throwing in more fuel, my belongings, people close to me and finally the last parts of me, parts of my soul, parts I needed, in the hopes it would never reach and burn me. It never did. It just consumed and scorched everything around me.
How I wish I could gaze into the distance, ignore the expanse of rubble, ignore that there is nothing left anymore. Putting my hands over my eyes, cover my ears, protecting myself from the reality of my inactions. Until I'm blissful.
Ash keeps falling silently until it'll bury me where I rest.
I'm no phoenix.
I'll die here.
- 06/03/23
Dear Lord, I can't turn away my eyes from this wall of fire this world is engulfing me in, I try to hold my breath and avoid inhaling the ashes falling onto me, covering my clothes, my skin, everything that was holy to me, turning everything into a grey carpet wherever I look. My body, my face is covered in it, I can't recognize myself anymore when I look into the mirror, just two eyes embedded into frigid ash staring me down.
I don't blame you, the reasons for this fire igniting were beyond my control, how could I have done anything, my frail child soul could barely comprehend why and how. But it was my fault not putting out the flames when it grew stronger. As time went on I just kept throwing in more fuel, my belongings, people close to me and finally the last parts of me, parts of my soul, parts I needed, in the hopes it would never reach and burn me. It never did. It just consumed and scorched everything around me.
How I wish I could gaze into the distance, ignore the expanse of rubble, ignore that there is nothing left anymore. Putting my hands over my eyes, cover my ears, protecting myself from the reality of my inactions. Until I'm blissful.
Ash keeps falling silently until it'll bury me where I rest.
I'm no phoenix.
I'll die here.
- 06/03/23
