If you have no friends by 22 are you just completely fucked?

[dontletthembribeyou]

If not, how do I dig myself out of this hole?

Technically, I'm not completely alone. I have two IRL friends (both live 30+ minutes away) and a boyfriend (who I'm getting kind of sick of). But I want people - ideally of the same age and gender as me- near me who I would be able to see regularly. I'm in college, but I'm significantly older than everyone else on campus, and all my classes this semester are online anyway because I was late to register. I don't have a job (I get by reselling clothes) because I've proven multiple times that I can't handle doing work and school at the same time. All my hobbies are solitary and everything I'm interested in is too niche to have any in-person groups near me (mid-sized city in the midwest).

I am just so pissed because I was completely socially inept up until very recently. Now that I'm actually able to talk to people and be normal, I have no opportunities to meet anyone.

I thought about joining a running club but I have these mysterious medical issues that don't like it when I exert myself too much. I looked on meetup.com, but everyone on there seems to be much older than me. I was planning to at least do my schoolwork in the library so that I can be around people, but I kind of doubt anyone's going to bother me or want me to bother them while doing schoolwork.

If anyone reading this has managed to make friends under similar conditions, could you please share how? Please don't just pull suggestions out of thin air, I'm only interested in strategies that have been proven to get results.

 

[orpheus_]

I'm kind of in a similar situation. 21 years old, university student.
I have one close person, but I wouldn't really call them my friend. It's more like I'm their caretaker because they are disabled and cannot take "normal" relationships because of emotional problems. Also two other people I met online and visited a few times, we used to talk often but we fell apart and even though we tried to reconnect it just doesn't work anymore.
I know I still technically have "someone" but still feel lonely. I just feel like I'm watching life through a glass wall. I was very socially anxious as a kid/teenager, too afraid to interact with anyone. Now I'm not really anxious anymore and actually want to meet people but I don't know how. Well my problem is also that even when I have a chance for a relationship, I often back off feeling like I'm bothering those people (but that's a problem on my side because logically knowing, most people are quite open about interactions).

Maybe look for some student clubs your college? I don't know if you have any, but you can try finding something that even mildly interests you. I joined a drama club at my university when I was feeling better last year (I never did acting before but I thought it could be cool and actually liked it) and had a chance to socialize there. I even started having *some* friendly relationships but ruined them all because of withdrawing later. Maybe look into some volunteer work in your town, I know it helps some people socialize. Also I think it is a good idea to spend time at the library, sure, most of the time people do not talk to each other there but it's still some opportunity.

I know a person who literally made friends by approaching random people on the uni campus/at the library and offering to draw them a custom fish. Yes, it is absurd. Yes, they got a few strange looks BUT they also had many, many positive interactions and made relationships this way lol. I guess the conclusion is: offering people random but nice things can get you friends. But one needs ENORMOUS balls to do that, I cannot imagine myself doing something like that.

 

[dontletthembribeyou]

I'm kind of in a similar situation. 21 years old, university student.
I have one close person, but I wouldn't really call them my friend. It's more like I'm their caretaker because they are disabled and cannot take "normal" relationships because of emotional problems. Also two other people I met online and visited a few times, we used to talk often but we fell apart and even though we tried to reconnect it just doesn't work anymore.
I know I still technically have "someone" but still feel lonely. I just feel like I'm watching life through a glass wall. I was very socially anxious as a kid/teenager, too afraid to interact with anyone. Now I'm not really anxious anymore and actually want to meet people but I don't know how. Well my problem is also that even when I have a chance for a relationship, I often back off feeling like I'm bothering those people (but that's a problem on my side because logically knowing, most people are quite open about interactions).

Maybe look for some student clubs your college? I don't know if you have any, but you can try finding something that even mildly interests you. I joined a drama club at my university when I was feeling better last year (I never did acting before but I thought it could be cool and actually liked it) and had a chance to socialize there. I even started having *some* friendly relationships but ruined them all because of withdrawing later. Maybe look into some volunteer work in your town, I know it helps some people socialize. Also I think it is a good idea to spend time at the library, sure, most of the time people do not talk to each other there but it's still some opportunity.

I know a person who literally made friends by approaching random people on the uni campus/at the library and offering to draw them a custom fish. Yes, it is absurd. Yes, they got a few strange looks BUT they also had many, many positive interactions and made relationships this way lol. I guess the conclusion is: offering people random but nice things can get you friends. But one needs ENORMOUS balls to do that, I cannot imagine myself doing something like that.

I was thinking of joining a club at school, but I think I might be kind of out of place since I'm 22. I like your idea about volunteering. I think I'm going to look into that.

 

[Spicy Tteokbokki]

Honestly just going places where you might have similar demographics as you helps, but ignore the age aspect, unless we're talking like 13-15 years olds then okay, that'd be weird probably.
Another things is just to ask. Literally. Just. Ask.
It's how I met a local friend near me who I've hung out with a lot.
I was walking on the streets one day, saw him and his outfit and I just went up to him and started complimenting him. I was wearing cosplay myself at the time, too.
I've had other experiences like that, too, though I didn't quite follow up on those contacts, at least not yet.
But it all happened by just talking to people randomly.
I've had other people talk to me, too, and I never minded it, except when it came from actual creeps, toxic ppl or pdfs, in which case it tends to be REAL obvious REAL quick, lol.

So tl;dr: don't over think, just go and feel out the vibes. Worst case is you're stuck in the same situation, mid-case is you get to spend a decent or good time before parting ways and maybe learn more about yourself, best case you get a new friend.

 

[BeanCurd]

To answer your thread title: no you're not fucked. I've made new friends since that age, as have most people I know or have spoken to

I second the volunteering idea.

I'd also say you don't necessarily need to attend a hobby based group for a hobby you currently, or will ever, have. I go to one for an activity I actually don't enjoy, but I like the people that attend and they're happy for me to participate in a different way e.g. chat and watch. You may even discover a new hobby this way. Sometimes you can create a splinter group made up of the people you get along with from the parent group, too.

I don't know what's available in your country, but I know some people who've found success using apps like Bumble for Friends as well.