Since my bridge attempt months ago I got on an antidepressant which semi-helped but didn't take the sting out of life. Barely making ends meet while dealing with assholes and bad family sucks. They kept upping the dose and missing appointments which wasted my time until I stopped trying to see therapists.
Then I met someone and we hit it off great but later he became physically abusive. We were two peas in a pod and I had to leave for my safety. I'm mad at myself for not seeing early on that he was abusive. He was very nice at first. It's like he hid a different person from me. He had a rage he couldn't calm down and often tried to listen to my phone conversations.
I don't understand how someone can be so kind and great then turn into a raging monster who refuses to acknowledge what they do. It was scary. I had to call cops and leave in the night after secretly packing for days. Now I'm homeless and shelters are full.
I'm working on things but how can life go from bad to worse. I gave life and love a chance and it always lets me down in a spectacular fashion. I wish I CTB at 25. All my hopes and dreams meant nothing as everything has been taken or lost including my self respect and confidence in all humans.
A friend motivated me to leave fast with promises to help but has been absent now. I won't beg anyone for help as people love to have power over others in need. If you beg someone they'll turn up their nose or ignore you to make themselves feel high and mighty. I think things could work out but there's too much stacked against me including exhaustion with life.
No one has ever hit me so it's weird. Gaslighting is also a real thing. I'm glad it's over but I can't think of the last time I enjoyed being alive. Making plans and I have money to do things. That gives me hope. If I can leave everything will be good. No more struggle just silence and not existing. It's pretty great when you think about it.
Last fall I tried sleeping pills and alcohol and it didn't work. That's 2 attempts in less than a year. Something has to work. I wish someone could help me. It would probably be faster. I suck trying to CTB alone lol. I hope this time works..I don't know if it will ever get better.
Then I met someone and we hit it off great but later he became physically abusive. We were two peas in a pod and I had to leave for my safety. I'm mad at myself for not seeing early on that he was abusive. He was very nice at first. It's like he hid a different person from me. He had a rage he couldn't calm down and often tried to listen to my phone conversations.
I don't understand how someone can be so kind and great then turn into a raging monster who refuses to acknowledge what they do. It was scary. I had to call cops and leave in the night after secretly packing for days. Now I'm homeless and shelters are full.
I'm working on things but how can life go from bad to worse. I gave life and love a chance and it always lets me down in a spectacular fashion. I wish I CTB at 25. All my hopes and dreams meant nothing as everything has been taken or lost including my self respect and confidence in all humans.
A friend motivated me to leave fast with promises to help but has been absent now. I won't beg anyone for help as people love to have power over others in need. If you beg someone they'll turn up their nose or ignore you to make themselves feel high and mighty. I think things could work out but there's too much stacked against me including exhaustion with life.
No one has ever hit me so it's weird. Gaslighting is also a real thing. I'm glad it's over but I can't think of the last time I enjoyed being alive. Making plans and I have money to do things. That gives me hope. If I can leave everything will be good. No more struggle just silence and not existing. It's pretty great when you think about it.
Last fall I tried sleeping pills and alcohol and it didn't work. That's 2 attempts in less than a year. Something has to work. I wish someone could help me. It would probably be faster. I suck trying to CTB alone lol. I hope this time works..I don't know if it will ever get better.
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