If you did not have any responsibilities and could live freely, would you CTB?

[Beyond_Repair]

As in, not have to work, do literally whatever you want, go wherever you want, and not have to worry about survival

 

[escape_from_hell]

I'm not wealthy by any means but have gotten my life down to a minimal to where it is sustainable. Think like a notch above vandwelling just barely, not as glamorous or cool social media presence to be seen as a badass adventurer or something either.

I still am not a full capable real inherently dignified human being. Others sense I am scum. It's like walking around where you are on a real-life blocklist or something, and any interaction I have just ruins other people's previously wonderful harmonious peaceful state of being. My unworthiness has translated into psychosomatic pain as well so also have horrendous muscle tightness and pain.

Maybe if you're truly rich. But just being able to buy clearance item food and living in a dump but not having to work isn't much. I just could not work without being a valid human like I used to believe working hard being a good boy or whatever. I cannot. So it's just waiting to die and feeling shitty and guilty because I am such scum I DO deserve to be homeless but at least have a bed in a tiny dark little shithole closet apartment (tiny house) but still.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

I still am not a full capable real inherently dignified human being. Others sense I am scum. It's like walking around where you are on a real-life blocklist or something, and any interaction I have just ruins other people's previously wonderful harmonious peaceful state of being. My unworthiness has translated into psychosomatic pain as well so also have horrendous muscle tightness and pain.

I think I understand a bit what you mean. I am socially awkward and autistic-y enough that I think people can sense there's something off about me and tend to avoid me once they get to know me.

That said, I love nature enough that if I'd be able to survive and could just like camp or hike continuously without worrying about money, that would probably extend my life by at least 10 years or so.

But you're right, just having enough food and a tiny place to live isn't enough if you can't afford things that make life bearable

 

[escape_from_hell]

If you're still young try and do it whatever you have to to get cash and coast.
Anhedonia has taken hold now so that's a big problem even if I can afford 'fun' experiences and things.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Yes, this is pretty much the situation I'm in now. I quit my job back in April and ever since have been just living how I want with no responsibilities (I have enough savings to theoretically last 1.5 years). During that time I have made >1 CTB attempts and am now planning to attempt with SN before September.

 

[Anon7b8]

Different circumstances gives different results. At this point, i wouldn't mind being locked up in a room with bare essentials than dealing with the cards I'm currently dealt.

 

[Cinnamorolls]

I would still be isolated, alone, and traumatized so yes. It wouldn't make a difference for me. No amount of money can fix PTSD or autism unfortunately.

 

[kunikuzushi]

I have no responsibilities and can do whatever I want and life is still awful, so yes

 

[enduringwinter]

No oh my god... a permanent residence status is all I ask for...

 

[kvsvenky100]

Yes, because my medical condition is incurable and irreversible no matter the amount of money.

 

[Agon321]

In the near future? Definitely not.

 

[lacustra]

Anhedonia is a huge problem. With it, you kind of lose the will to live. Nothing to look forward to, nothing to hold on to, not even a friendship or a hobby that doesn't feel like shit. What's there to even live for? Living the same colorless, tasteless day over and over again, until you get sick of it and do something.

I don't know if slightly better living conditions/lack of stress could alleviate this pain. Perhaps it's just too late. But I can't know for sure unless I try it.

It's a pipe dream for me though.

 

[N33dT0D13]

Go wherever I want? Means I can 1. enjoy travelling for a while and 2. build a reputation as someone who loves traveling so that when I go missing, people don't question it as much... Not sure if I would but, it's an option.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I would ctb but I'd do it far later in life to avoid reaching old age. If I didn't have any responsibilities and I was truly free, I would enjoy life and relax until I reach a certain age. I wish I could live freely but sadly I can't. I'm a slave to existence unfortunately

 

[Praestat_Mori]

As in, not have to work, do literally whatever you want, go wherever you want, and not have to worry about survival

In this case, a clear no I would not even think about CTB as long as I'm healthy and can enjoy life.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Yes I would suicide no matter what. Having to work a job is only one of many bad things in life.I don't want anything from this evil life and evil prison world .

I don't want to live / exist under any circumstances.

There are many reasons why and these reasons sum up on top of each other.

Imo for me These reasons each by themselves are enough to kill myself asap. But summed up .....

1. Non-existence is much preferable to being alive. Only in non-existence forever can one be guaranteed never any pain , suffering , work , boredom, diseases , old age , bad memories or problems. In any kind of sentient life there will always be problems work chores boredom diseases old age bad memories pain suffering with the threat of extreme pain or extreme suffering any moment or day

2. Life is an imposition prison slavery torture. They made it an even worse prison by making guaranteed suicide methods into crimes . I didn't ask to be here and then they made it so I can't leave locked the door. They are about to ban Sn in the USA like they made Nembutal, cyanide capsules, Assisting in suicide, suicide booths into crimes to lock the door. To take away from people that are suffering unbearably a guaranteed way out is evil and oppressive. Imo no one should accept and submit to being a prisoner slave. If you can't leave when you want to in a guaranteed way u are a prisoner.

3. Nothing matters . What thing that any of us could do will matter in 150 years? In 1000 years? In aTrillion years? Nothing .The only thing that matters to me is avoiding extreme pain and extreme suffering

4. I'n going to die anyway why prolong the suffering? There's no reason to .

5. Suicide would solve every one of my problems instantly and forever . All bad memories forgotten, all horrible things undone

6. There is pain so bad it makes the supposedly good or pleasurable addictions meaningless

7 . Odds are something very horrible will happen to a human

8 . The horrible things far outweigh the good or pleasurable addictions

9 . Extreme pain and imo very old age must be avoided at all costs . Almost all humans will get very old
10. So many horrible things in life
unbearable pain, diseases , disabilities, old age, oppression, lies , evil, extreme pain, extreme suffering, parasites, kidnapping torture , chores, work, stress, problems, c


Many more reasons for suicide asap no matter what

 

[untothedepths]

yeah cause im fucked no matter what i do

 

[Beyond_Repair]

Anhedonia is a huge problem. With it, you kind of lose the will to live. Nothing to look forward to, nothing to hold on to, not even a friendship or a hobby that doesn't feel like shit. What's there to even live for? Living the same colorless, tasteless day over and over again, until you get sick of it and do something.

I don't know if slightly better living conditions/lack of stress could alleviate this pain. Perhaps it's just too late. But I can't know for sure unless I try it.

It's a pipe dream for me though.

I definitely understand that. i love my past-times - video games, reading, drawing, travelilng, hiking, etc but external expectations to be "successful" and fear of avoiding being a disappointment, plus not to mention the requirement for making money to be able to sustain these past-times. Also as much enjoyment you get from these, they can only sustain you for so long. Then everything starts feeling the same - nothing really new or interesting once you've done/seen enough.

Sorry if that's depressing, but just sharing what I've been experiencing recently

 

[porteduniform10]

Probably being free of those kinds of responsibilites, ironically, would actually give me a damn actual reason to want to live. The more I develop relationships the more I know I should've been alone, in a good way. I miss being alone

 

[divinemistress36]

I dont have responsibilties but I have major depression so I have no motivation to do anything and when you have a lot of time on your hands you just think about all your problems instead of hobbys

 

[AceVendetta7500]

Yes I would still CTB. It would not make my ex come back and I do not want to live without her.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I would ctb but I'd do it far later in life to avoid reaching old age. If I didn't have any responsibilities and I was truly free, I would enjoy life and relax until I reach a certain age.

This is new...what enjoyable things would you do to pass the time in such a hypothetical scenario? What is this "certain age" that you refer to?

 

[ijustwishtodie]

This is new...what enjoyable things would you do to pass the time in such a hypothetical scenario? What is this "certain age" that you refer to?

I don't actually know what I'd do. I just gave my reply to OP on a whim. In actuality, I think that I'll just try to do random stuff such as watching movies, watching anime, listening to music etc. Right now I have anhedonia so these things don't make me feel happy but I suspect that the reason why I have anhedonia is because of a side effect of always being stressed about dealing with responsibilities in life. If I don't have to deal with responsibilities, maybe my anhedonia will go away?

As for the certain age, I've arbitrarily chosen 30. It's a nice, round number and it's an age where I can still be relatively healthy provided that I don't get fucked by a chronic health condition or cancer or something similar

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

If I don't have to deal with responsibilities, maybe my anhedonia will go away?

It's possible. To word this in terms of my "battery power" analogy, we could maybe say that your anhedonia is because you're at too low a percentage right now due to all your responsibilities, and since even positive emotions/enjoyment require some amount of energy, you just don't have the wherewithal to experience them, which then drains you even further. Do you think "recharging your batteries" would just be a matter of your responsibilities being lightened/removed? Or do you think there are other ways you could achieve that same thing?

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I think I'd still end up CTB. My life is already quite good from the outside and yet I'm miserable. If I had all the time in the world I'd probably spiral faster. Even if I don't work for a job, I need something to work towards, I need a goal. I have past evidence that when I have too much time on my hands and no objective, I start malfunctioning.

Good experiences don't give me enough satisfaction, I feel like I live in a grey world. If this feeling would be gone, I wouldn't CTB.