popcornheart
ππππππ πππππ ππππππππ
- Dec 22, 2021
- 19
Hey there, everyone. I've been lurking for a while, finally made an account not that long ago, and here I am finally making a post. I'm not sure why... I guess just to get out my frustrations somewhere that I won't be committed immediately? I know I don't have anything novel to add here, but maybe someone can relate and we can chat.
Life has been torturous for what seems like forever. My 28th birthday comes next month and I sincerely don't think I can even make it to then. The issue is that SN seems impossible to source (I'm in the USA, please enlighten me if you know something I don't) and using an exit bag seems too technical for me to actually accomplish. My cognitive abilities have greatly declined over the years; be it from depression, medications, or whatever else. I've considered CO but getting the concentration right seems like a complicated task and I do not want to end up in a worse position than I am now.
I have no family... I took care of my grandparents, they were all I had. My grandma passed in mid 2015 and my grandpa passed in early 2021. Both of their deaths were not pleasant. I had more exposure to my grandpa's death, because I was the only one to care for him, and it just pushed me further into depression. I can't imagine suffering through life just to have a long, painful end.
I have a son that I placed for adoption 8 years ago. It makes me a bit sad at the idea of not being around to see him grow up, but I'm hardly in his life as it is now. I also have three elderly cats that would likely just be put down if I weren't around anymore. These truths make me sad, but I'm not sure it is enough to keep me suffering through each day.
I don't have the ability to PM people right now, so if you're willing to chat with me here I would appreciate it. I mostly just want to vent about my situation. I know that people generally don't care to hear someone go on and on endlessly about how poor their circumstances are - - I just hope I can find a different experience here. At the very least I can be honest: I want to CTB and I hope to be able to do it sooner rather than later.
Life has been torturous for what seems like forever. My 28th birthday comes next month and I sincerely don't think I can even make it to then. The issue is that SN seems impossible to source (I'm in the USA, please enlighten me if you know something I don't) and using an exit bag seems too technical for me to actually accomplish. My cognitive abilities have greatly declined over the years; be it from depression, medications, or whatever else. I've considered CO but getting the concentration right seems like a complicated task and I do not want to end up in a worse position than I am now.
I have no family... I took care of my grandparents, they were all I had. My grandma passed in mid 2015 and my grandpa passed in early 2021. Both of their deaths were not pleasant. I had more exposure to my grandpa's death, because I was the only one to care for him, and it just pushed me further into depression. I can't imagine suffering through life just to have a long, painful end.
I have a son that I placed for adoption 8 years ago. It makes me a bit sad at the idea of not being around to see him grow up, but I'm hardly in his life as it is now. I also have three elderly cats that would likely just be put down if I weren't around anymore. These truths make me sad, but I'm not sure it is enough to keep me suffering through each day.
I don't have the ability to PM people right now, so if you're willing to chat with me here I would appreciate it. I mostly just want to vent about my situation. I know that people generally don't care to hear someone go on and on endlessly about how poor their circumstances are - - I just hope I can find a different experience here. At the very least I can be honest: I want to CTB and I hope to be able to do it sooner rather than later.
