If I skip work today, I could be fired..

[OmgDudeWhatNoWay]

I haven't posted in a while. Don't exactly know why I'm posting here again since isolation feels more normal, but anyways...

I'm having trouble falling asleep today because I woke up late at around 2:30PM today. It's now 3:30AM, and I have to get up at 5:30AM. I really don't want to go to work today. I have too many points from tardiness and absences, that the next offense may be employee termination. I work in the back warehouse of a retail store if that's any relevant information.

There was a time when my points went beyond 14, which was the breaking point of employee termination, but they made an exception for me because they deemed me as a valuable employee, whereas a lot of people in the same situation were fired. It's a weird feeling that they deem me as someone valuable enough for the company to keep, however I can't say I feel the same about myself. I have the reputation of being known as a hard worker by everyone who works there, and I'm just so tired of keeping up this facade. When I am over there, I definitely try to be productive and put effort into working, but it's so draining. Let me reassure you that I am not a hard worker. I barely work a couple hours a week. I can't stand it. I feel like this is not my destiny, but my motivation is so shot that I cannot even bring myself to go through the hassle of learning to do something that I want to do which is composing music. So, I just play video games and waste my life away.

Really want to skip work.

 

[sadbunny]

Will losing your job become a problem for you?

 

[OmgDudeWhatNoWay]

Will losing your job become a problem for you?

Well, there's the hassle of finding another job. Naive me hopes that this will unfold future prospects.

But there's also the PTSD of that one time I occasionally think back to about the time when my dad pulled a knife out on me because he was disappointed in my unemployed lifestyle. It's a long story in another post you can find if you find the posts in my profile. However, my dad is much much nicer to me now.

Still, this will bring disappointment to myself and my parents.

 

[Jean Améry]

I would try to avoid getting fired if at all possible. If this job is draining (which I completely understand as mine is as well) I would start looking for a better one and quit your current job as soon as other employment is certain.

Getting fired will be a blemish on your employment record which will not likely improve your quality of life.

 

[sadbunny]

Well, there's the hassle of finding another job. Naive me hopes that this will unfold future prospects.

But there's also the PTSD of that one time I occasionally think back to about the time when my dad pulled a knife out on me because he was disappointed in my unemployed lifestyle. It's a long story in another post you can find if you find the posts in my profile. However, my dad is much much nicer to me now.

Still, this will bring disappointment to myself and my parents.

Sounds like it'd be best if you just toughened this one out

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

I would try to avoid getting fired if at all possible. If this job is draining (which I completely understand as mine is as well) I would start looking for a better one and quit your current job as soon as other employment is certain.

Getting fired will be a blemish on your employment record which will not likely improve your quality of life.

I came here to say something like this but Jean hit the nail on the head.

I second this opinion.

 

[OmgDudeWhatNoWay]

I would try to avoid getting fired if at all possible. If this job is draining (which I completely understand as mine is as well) I would start looking for a better one and quit your current job as soon as other employment is certain.

Getting fired will be a blemish on your employment record which will not likely improve your quality of life.

Yea, part of me just doesn't care... There was actually a time when I left my other job without notice. Still got this job. Don't know how that compares to getting fired, though. Kinda hope I do have a tainted employment record to push me farther to suicide. Right now, life is stagnant, and I'm just existing.

Sounds like it'd be best if you just toughened this one out

I've toughened every one out. Can't take it anymore...

Going to try to sleep, if at all. I really don't know what I'm going to do. I'll be more pressured to decide when it's 5:30AM I guess. Less than an hour left. I honestly probably might not go...

 

[Jean Améry]

Yea, part of me just doesn't care... There was actually a time when I left my other job without notice. Still got this job. Don't know how that compares to getting fired, though. Kinda hope I do have a tainted employment record to push me farther to suicide. Right now, life is stagnant, and I'm just existing.

I understand but from personal experience I know passivity and just letting things slide only makes life worse. You may think you know what hell is but life is such that it's almost always possible for things to get much, much worse. This the horror of what is called 'life'.

I hope you'll heed my advice so you won't have to find out the truth of this personally.

Imo suicide should be the result of a conscious decision taken after long and careful deliberation of the facts. It should not be something that one is 'pushed' towards. You should be the master of your own fate (in life or in death) not the passive recipient of whatever is thrown at you.

As to your employment situation: I think it's safe to say getting fired now will not improve your chances of finding a better job. Especially if prospective employers know you left a previous job without notice. Such a pattern would be hard to explain away.

Untill you're sure CTB is the right course of action for you I would try to avoid making things worse for yourself. Attempting to kill oneself in a fit of pure desperation is neither dignified nor likely to succeed.

 

[Hexen]

Did you go?