Venting If I could trade places.

[Afterglow]

Sometimes I read about someone who's terminally ill. Someone my age. Someone who wanted things. Plans. A future that got cut short.

And my first thought isn't noble. It isn't kind.
It's, "Why them?"

They have friends who adore them. Families who would give anything to keep them. Dreams that feel bright. They want to live so badly.

And I'm over here, drifting. Going through days half in the present and half in my head. Wasting time. Not sure what I'm doing.

Sometimes I wish to myself that there was a way to trade places. Not because I think I'm heroic. Not because I think I'd be brave about it.

Just because it feels like this is how it was supposed to be.


They could have the long, full, unobstructed life they're fighting for everyday. And I could stop feeling like I'm carelessly holding something they would have cherished.

 

[Always-in-trouble]

Sometimes I read about someone who's terminally ill. Someone my age. Someone who wanted things. Plans. A future that got cut short.

And my first thought isn't noble. It isn't kind.
It's, "Why them?"

They have friends who adore them. Families who would give anything to keep them. Dreams that feel bright. They want to live so badly.

And I'm over here, drifting. Going through days half in the present and half in my head. Wasting time. Not sure what I'm doing.

Sometimes I wish to myself that there was a way to trade places. Not because I think I'm heroic. Not because I think I'd be brave about it.
Just because it feels like this is how it was supposed to be.


They could have the long, full, unobstructed life they're fighting for everyday. And I could stop feeling like I'm carelessly holding something they would have cherished.

Do you have thoughts where you could be in a person's horrific circumstance too sometimes, just because you indignanted to feel you deserve it even if you would regret it immediately if it actually happened? (Like being tortured, contacting a chronic diesease etc.)

 

[Afterglow]

Definitely not the tortured part.

Like being tortured

 

[dontletthembribeyou]

I think about this a lot. Every time I hear about a young person with a chronic illness it seems like they're always so smart and and ambitious and popular and beautiful etc. I wonder if it's just because that's who goes viral or if the average person really is that much better than me

 

[Always-in-trouble]

Fair, my mind is just really warped sometimes, sorry if it was weird. Do definitely relate to this post though with wasting my life even though I did not earn my mostly comfortable life.

Definitely not the tortured part.