If i am still single at 30 I plan to kill myself because i cant cope anymore

[FireFox]

I turned 27 last month I feel like an enormous failure of a woman because I am still a virgin and failed to get a man of my own. All my life men have rejected even my own father didn't want me he left my mum while she was pregnant with me to start life with a new family, we were not good enough for him another family was and this new family he had lived a 30 minute bus ride away in a neighbourhood where I regularly went to cinema as child, learning this a teenager was the worst thing ever. My dad only cared about my existence when tried to save himself from deportation out of all his kids I had a British passport. As a teenager boys at school regularly builled me for being the werid girl while all the other girls at school got picked. I had the confidence to talk to the guys I liked at school but still they rejected and humiliated me. In adulthood I am still unsuccessful with men. I ask guys out they dump me at the last minute I even get told by other people that a woman should NOT ask a man out and that it is only the role of a man to chase a woman. The guys I have loved throughout my life I have broken my heart in so many ways. I can't cope anymore. I take an interest in the men I like, genuinely care for them but nobody ever feels the same about me. I think I am cursed because all my life I have been rejected by men and treated awfully by men I loved. Its been a vicious cycle for there is no relief of this suffering

I am sick of being that girl now woman who never gets picked. One day before my 27th birthday I went climbing up the 02 Arena. t's a dome where concerts get held and the dome is 50 metres high.. I went by myself for my climb before my climb went visiting the 02 arena shops and restaurants it absolutely hurt seeing other women with their men, they looked so special and all I see love I never got to have.

I have been doing my fun things by myself because I never had a man of my own and have no friends. Seeing other women I know in my life all getting married is just a reminder of how all my life I have always been that girl now woman who never gets picked while other women get picked. I see women with their husbands and their lives are so perfect I wish I was loved in that way. I wish for once I was picked and someone's girlfriend or wife. I wish I was that special woman who gers valentines gifts from her boyfriend, who gets loved by her man.

All my life I have been single and I am NOT going through another decade single in an age where its impossible to be meet men. I watched all the YouTube and tiktok videos where male youtubers say 30 is the age a woman is " expired " and too old. When I turn 30 it all be over, my life will be over at 30.
I finally understand why this woman killed herself at 31 due to being single and seeing her friends getting married.

Woman hanged herself after struggling to cope with friends marrying

Business development manager Danielle Saul (pictured) lived alone in Manchester while those closest to her settled down to married life - something she longed for with her former boyfriend.

www.dailymail.co.uk

 

[Wolf Girl]

Sorry you're going through this. I have a somewhat similar story, but am in my 30s now and fwiw, I recommend upping your CTB age to at least 35 if your main concern is being single. Still a lot of relationship opportunities in your 30s. I'll hold out hope of you meeting the right person before your CTB date, but I'm heading that way myself after another failed relationship venture.

 

[smvrtsa]

you're so valid in feeling this loneliness, and i do hope you find someone who genuinely appreciates and sees and values you. tbh lots of people who get settled down young end up divorced later in life, and relationships can be a coin flip so there is no saying the relationships you see are good at all. and those misogynistic youtubers i don't think are worth listening to, plus there's always plastic surgery and exercise and dirt and tretinoin to keep you looking young.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

Dating apps are utterly horrendous for most men but I hear they're fine for women. You could try those.

I'm a virgin too, I didn't even have my first kiss yet and it is completely eating away at my soul now.

 

[CountOfTuscany]

You're 27. That's not old. Many men are also lonely and would kill to have a girl who genuinely cares for them. Assuming you're not obese, physically deformed, or one-in-a-million hideous (which I doubt), the only thing holding you back is that you're not meeting enough potential partners.

Luckily, that problem isn't terribly hard to fix. It just takes some time. The first step would be to get some friends. The easiest way to make friends is to get some hobbies outside your room and meet people doing those hobbies.

The most direct route would be to do a majority-male hobby that draws the type of men you like. For example, if you like nerdy guys, go to a board game group. Even if you don't date any of the guys you initially meet, any one of them could have a friend or relative that you do want to date.

Another good option is to just do whatever hobby you actually like, meet people organically, eventually make your way into the clique, and expand your network to increase your chances of finding what you want.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I truly believe life is worthless without love. That many fail to find love is, to me, one of the strongest suggestions that we are in hell. If no one wants me, then why shouldn't I feel hopeless and worthless? Why shouldn't I despise the world? The solitude suffered by the less fortunate is absolutely made worse by the contrasting love that the more fortunate find. One individual hangs by the neck after decades of crushing loneliness, whilst right at that same moment elsewhere, another is blissfully caught up in the throes of lovemaking. It is such a disgustingly unequal and unfair world that words do not suffice.

 

[FireFox]

Sorry you're going through this. I have a somewhat similar story, but am in my 30s now and fwiw, I recommend upping your CTB age to at least 35 if your main concern is being single. Still a lot of relationship opportunities in your 30s. I'll hold out hope of you meeting the right person before your CTB date, but I'm heading that way myself after another failed relationship venture.

@Wolf Girl since turning 27 I feel like the life is over, I feel like its worst age to have. Everyone else around me is getting settled in careers and relationships while nothing is working out for me. We live in a world where being successful very young is magnified a lot

I feel so alone that my life is a train wreck where I keep failing at everything and struggling to get it right.

 

[Wolf Girl]

I truly believe life is worthless without love. That many fail to find love is, to me, one of the strongest suggestions that we are in hell. If no one wants me, then why shouldn't I feel hopeless and worthless? Why shouldn't I despise the world? The solitude suffered by the less fortunate is absolutely made worse by the contrasting love that the more fortunate find. One individual hangs by the neck after decades of crushing loneliness, whilst right at that same moment elsewhere, another is blissfully caught up in the throes of lovemaking. It is such a disgustingly unequal and unfair world that words do not suffice.

Finding your life partner is considered a default life goal, even in fucking developmental psychology. So it's fucking hilarious when people who have no problems with romance try to tell you it doesn't matter and that it wouldn't make you any happier to be in a long term healthy relationship. Like, it's completely allowed for your dream to be marriage and kids, UNLESS you have problems dating then it's "oh, well, that's not a good goal, romance isn't everything."

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

Don't believe that hitting the wall bs if you take care of yourself being 30 means nothing.

 

[Artemisia]

Most men are not worth it. Don't throw your life away for so little!
I'm going to tell you about myself and you can draw the conclusions you want. Until I went to college I had no idea how to talk to boys, they were aliens to me and I to them, if paired with a guy for something they'd complain or say not too nice things. I used to think it was because I wasn't pretty. It took me a few more years to realize it was because I wasn't available and had no interest in stroking their egos for the sake of it.
Then went to college and found my crowd, the nerds and gamers. Suddenly I only had male friends, but most still didn't see me as a woman. The one I really liked was really nice to me, but had 0 romantic interest. It was for the best, as he wasn't at all the faithful kind and that's extremely important to me. I got close to another one, we started going out often and one day agreed that we were actually a couple. He kept pressuring me for sex, the nice guy kind of way. I lost my virginity to him at 20. We had a lot in common and a lot not so much. We stayed together for 9 years, I knew I didn't love him, also knew getting married, having kids and a house in the suburbs wasn't for me, but I was afraid of never finding someone else who wanted to be with me and still trying somewhat to be a "normal" woman. The day we broke up I felt somewhat lost, the day after I realized I was absolutely free and it was like being able to breathe again (mind you that he was never abusive). I never wanted another bf, although thought that maybe someday I'd meet someone that I wanted to be with. That never happened. In my 30s I learned that I was asexual. It was both a blessing because what I felt (or not, in this case) finally made sense and there were others like me out there. Not frigid, not bitches, ace! Life went on. A friend from college days liked me and kept trying for years, I told him it would never happen. He still remained my good friend. Many others who in their younger years had preferred the pretty, girly girls got divorced, once twice... And some suddenly realized what a nice, drama free, independent woman I am and, more mature now, tried to date me. I wasn't interested. I'm ace, it's not going to happen. Then I met a guy, he worked across from me. We started talking, he was pretty much what I would have liked in my youth. He's 13 years younger than me! I love him dearly, he says I'm the love of his life. I still told him I'm ace. We kissed once, because he caught me by surprise. I told it wouldn't happen again. He still remained by my side. Now I'm 49 yo, for the past 2 years I've been so sick I barely can take care of myself. They both stayed, driving me to doctor and therapy appointments, getting things from the supermarket cleaning my house, doing what they can. I still live alone and realized I'd rather die alone than share my life intimately with anyone. I will die alone, but knowing they're there for me. Something I must have done right that 2 men to whom I've repeatedly told I would never date/have sex with are the only people by my side through this hard time in my life.

Life is weird, love is complicated and if you give up now you'll never know what would have happened. Also, young guys are stupid by definition, it's their nature, until at least mid 20s, if not later, they don't really love you, only the sex you provide. It takes some years for them to realize the value of companionship, shared life projects and all those other things to add up to form true love.

 

[LaughingGoat]

@Wolf Girl since turning 27 I feel like the life is over, I feel like its worst age to have. Everyone else around me is getting settled in careers and relationships while nothing is working out for me. We live in a world where being successful very young is magnified a lot

I feel so alone that my life is a train wreck where I keep failing at everything and struggling to get it right.

You're right that young success is magnified a lot, especially with social media but it's not necessarily achieved by the majority of people. Here at least in North America, most people your age are struggling to buy a home and it's more common for them to be living at home than ever. Not discounting your feelings about loneliness, it's certainly valid to feel like that. Just that it's easy to get sucked into to comparing your success to who gets the spotlight, which are normally the most successful people.

 

[dolemitedrums]

You're of course free to do as you wish but...being single or not shouldn't be that big of a factor in ending things if you ask me. Also...setting up that kind of pressure for yourself won't really be conducive to attracting a partner. I know it's easier said than done but the happier you are with yourself, the more people, especially dating partners, will be drawn to you.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

being single or not shouldn't be that big of a factor in ending things if you ask me. Also...setting up that kind of pressure for yourself won't really be conducive to attracting a partner

What if we've been single forever and will never experience romance?

 

[dolemitedrums]

What if we've been single forever and will never experience romance?

Hmmm... Well... They are your decisions to make, but people do overcome that. Confidence in dating is a weird one...the more successful you are the more confidence builds and the more people are drawn to you, and vice versa. But also even if someone were theoretically to never find romance...they do still find meaning like in that movie The Leftovers or The Holdovers or whatever it was with Paul Giamatti. I guess I would say don't assume you'll never find romance but this stuff takes work. If you want to end it I can't stop you but of the reasons I see on here or elsewhere, romantic problems or breakups etc. are the ones that make me most hope that the person looks at other options.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

Hmmm... Well... They are your decisions to make, but people do overcome that. Confidence in dating is a weird one...the more successful you are the more confidence builds and the more people are drawn to you, and vice versa. But also even if someone were theoretically to never find romance...they do still find meaning like in that movie The Leftovers or The Holdovers or whatever it was with Paul Giamatti. I guess I would say don't assume you'll never find romance but this stuff takes work. If you want to end it I can't stop you but of the reasons I see on here or elsewhere, romantic problems or breakups etc. are the ones that make me most hope that the person looks at other options.

The problem is that the more I fail, the lower my self esteem becomes and I just get increasingly depressed the more I try.

And if I don't try, I eventually get depressed and anxious for wasting time.

So I want a partner, can't even begin to find one and can't find happiness alone in the long term.

It gets worse with every year that passes, I almost ended it this winter and I can't see myself possibly surviving another winter.

 

[Cinnamorolls]

Your third paragraph hit close to home. I completely understand that feeling and it's so painful. I can confirm that being an unmarried woman past 30 is brutal. Life feels incomplete and unfulfilled, everyone will constantly ask why you're not married, and the older you get - the less likely it will ever happen. There's only a small pool of men left after that and it's unlikely to be any that you're attracted to and/or get along with. I'm sorry you haven't been able to experience love either, and I wouldn't blame you for wanting to avoid this fate.

Dating apps are utterly horrendous for most men but I hear they're fine for women. You could try those.

I'm a virgin too, I didn't even have my first kiss yet and it is completely eating away at my soul now.

No, they're horrible for women too. 99% of men on dating apps just want hookups. That's the reason there's way more men on apps than women - they get tired of being constantly sexually harassed and stop using them.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

everyone will constantly ask why you're not married, and the older you get - the less likely it will ever happen.

No one even asks me about relationships. Just people filling in admin forms at a bank etc or a medical professional. I've literally never been asked casually/socially if I have a partner in my entire life (and I'm older than you).

 

[Cinnamorolls]

No one even asks me about relationships. Just people filling in admin forms at a bank etc or a medical professional. I've literally never been asked casually/socially if I have a partner in my entire life (and I'm older than you).

Are you a woman? I specified that's what happens when you're an unmarried woman over a certain age. Men and women lead very different lives with judgment for different things.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

Are you a woman? I specified that's what happens when you're an unmarried woman over a certain age. Men and women lead very different lives with judgment for different things.

No but it's kind of weird how my relationship status has never been mentioned by anyone ever. Goes to show how much attention I get from women I guess.

 

[dolemitedrums]

The problem is that the more I fail, the lower my self esteem becomes and I just get increasingly depressed the more I try.

And if I don't try, I eventually get depressed and anxious for wasting time.

So I want a partner, can't even begin to find one and can't find happiness alone in the long term.

It gets worse with every year that passes, I almost ended it this winter and I can't see myself possibly surviving another winter.

I feel for you and I wish I could say it's easy...it may not be...but it's not impossible to solve. It's also not necessary to tie your entire self worth to having a romantic relationship. What have you tried in terms of finding partners and making yourself as appealing as possible to those potential partners?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Be careful. That's what I said too but I've been tricked into staying alive for at least a little longer than 30. It's been almost 4 months since I turned 30 and even though I still feel like I should kill myself, there's other factors that have been getting in the way of my plans.

 

[cowboypants]

I turned 27 last month I feel like an enormous failure of a woman because I am still a virgin and failed to get a man of my own. All my life men have rejected even my own father didn't want me he left my mum while she was pregnant with me to start life with a new family, we were not good enough for him another family was and this new family he had lived a 30 minute bus ride away in a neighbourhood where I regularly went to cinema as child, learning this a teenager was the worst thing ever. My dad only cared about my existence when tried to save himself from deportation out of all his kids I had a British passport. As a teenager boys at school regularly builled me for being the werid girl while all the other girls at school got picked. I had the confidence to talk to the guys I liked at school but still they rejected and humiliated me. In adulthood I am still unsuccessful with men. I ask guys out they dump me at the last minute I even get told by other people that a woman should NOT ask a man out and that it is only the role of a man to chase a woman. The guys I have loved throughout my life I have broken my heart in so many ways. I can't cope anymore. I take an interest in the men I like, genuinely care for them but nobody ever feels the same about me. I think I am cursed because all my life I have been rejected by men and treated awfully by men I loved. Its been a vicious cycle for there is no relief of this suffering

I am sick of being that girl now woman who never gets picked. One day before my 27th birthday I went climbing up the 02 Arena. t's a dome where concerts get held and the dome is 50 metres high.. I went by myself for my climb before my climb went visiting the 02 arena shops and restaurants it absolutely hurt seeing other women with their men, they looked so special and all I see love I never got to have.

I have been doing my fun things by myself because I never had a man of my own and have no friends. Seeing other women I know in my life all getting married is just a reminder of how all my life I have always been that girl now woman who never gets picked while other women get picked. I see women with their husbands and their lives are so perfect I wish I was loved in that way. I wish for once I was picked and someone's girlfriend or wife. I wish I was that special woman who gers valentines gifts from her boyfriend, who gets loved by her man.

All my life I have been single and I am NOT going through another decade single in an age where its impossible to be meet men. I watched all the YouTube and tiktok videos where male youtubers say 30 is the age a woman is " expired " and too old. When I turn 30 it all be over, my life will be over at 30.
I finally understand why this woman killed herself at 31 due to being single and seeing her friends getting married.

Woman hanged herself after struggling to cope with friends marrying

Business development manager Danielle Saul (pictured) lived alone in Manchester while those closest to her settled down to married life - something she longed for with her former boyfriend.

www.dailymail.co.uk

I can relate to you. I wasn't bulled by girls but have been single like forever. I used to be able to talk to girls quite easily when I was a kid although I had anxiety. As I grew up i became too anxious. And even the talking happened because my school made us sit in pairs so as to not talk(yeah pretty conservative here,). So it never happened again. I felt intimidated to talk to girls who were always in groups. I was also a loner apart from that felt too weak for the world who most women wouldn't want

 

[zjay-0v3rit!]

I know the pain is hard. Ill be 30 this year and im giving up on love. Im so heartbroken

 

[divinemistress36]

Love is often temporarily though. Half of marriages end in divorce. It hurts like hell when they leave and find someone else

Dating apps are utterly horrendous for most men but I hear they're fine for women. You could try those.

I'm a virgin too, I didn't even have my first kiss yet and it is completely eating away at my soul now.

They are terrible for women most dudes are just on there for sex and half of them are married

You're of course free to do as you wish but...being single or not shouldn't be that big of a factor in ending things if you ask me. Also...setting up that kind of pressure for yourself won't really be conducive to attracting a partner. I know it's easier said than done but the happier you are with yourself, the more people, especially dating partners, will be drawn to you.

This is true thats why I stay away from dating im to mentally unstable

 

[pinkhellokitty]

god, this is so real.

 

[AnxietyHangover]

I'm in the same boat. Gonna be 28 this year (hopefully not) and very lonely. I tried dating apps, going out, you name it, nothing works. I either get ghosted when it's time to meet up, or end up ignored altogether. It's very exhausting and I gave up. I have one last thing to fulfil this month, then I can leave this world in peace.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

Love is often temporarily though. Half of marriages end in divorce.

This is one of those misleading statistics.

Technically it's true, but the issue is that there's a bunch of people who suck at relationships who keep getting married multiple times throughout their lives and that skews the statistics.

The average marriage usually lasts, plus there's plenty of people in committed relationships who don't get married in order to keep the state out of their lives as much as possible.

Anyway, I just want my first kiss and to hug someone.

 

[rozeske]

I am 32 and about to walk out that door never having known what it feels like to be truly loved or desired. At this point I don't even know who to blame, myself or others. I hope things work out in your favour and you never end up in this position.

 

[IwantHappiness]

love is gonna destroy ur life

 

[Aloneandinpain]

love is gonna destroy ur life

I don't have a life, therefore I'm immune from that