blueclover_.
Better Never to Have Been: 2006, David Benatar
- Oct 11, 2021
- 668
Been taking a long break from here. Things generally improved, though here i am again today. Can't say that i didn't miss this site, but i tried to focus on improving my mental health and it did work to some degree. Glad to be back here though, ironically LOL.
So, my dad as usual kept nagging me agressively about praying 5 times a day as a muslim (I'm a closeted apostate). He would also purposefully stand/be around me for a while and depends to how i react he might interpret it as agression and started to attack me verbally and/or physically. He is literally trying so hard to pick a fight with me lmfao. I just don't react most of the time, but sometimes i get angry too, y'know. I like that feeling of power and adrenaline rushing through my body to my head when i'm angry. I've always tried to keep that angry feeling a little longer because it feels good—it's addicting. Of course, it's a different anger than the anger you feel when you want to murder someone. This kind of anger brings more confidence to the self to the point that you fear nothing.
So yeah, i'm too tired to be walking on eggshells rn. He's stomping on the floor and slamming the doors rn, trying to let the world know that he's upset or something. Whatever. If he wants to kill me, then sure, of course. It's not like i like living so much lmfaooo. Honestly, literally. I feel great. If he wants to kill me, then i'd be glad to die. Sparing me some of that misery waiting in my future. Whatever. I just stopped caring
I want to laugh so hard. Oh and i can't move out cuz it's a little taboo in my country for an unmarried girl to live alone if they don't come from a different city/faraway place. And it's crucial in my financial plan in order to save up enough money to have a slightly easier life in the future. So the options are either die here or suffer for a lot more years to come. I guess that's pretty funny.
So, my dad as usual kept nagging me agressively about praying 5 times a day as a muslim (I'm a closeted apostate). He would also purposefully stand/be around me for a while and depends to how i react he might interpret it as agression and started to attack me verbally and/or physically. He is literally trying so hard to pick a fight with me lmfao. I just don't react most of the time, but sometimes i get angry too, y'know. I like that feeling of power and adrenaline rushing through my body to my head when i'm angry. I've always tried to keep that angry feeling a little longer because it feels good—it's addicting. Of course, it's a different anger than the anger you feel when you want to murder someone. This kind of anger brings more confidence to the self to the point that you fear nothing.
So yeah, i'm too tired to be walking on eggshells rn. He's stomping on the floor and slamming the doors rn, trying to let the world know that he's upset or something. Whatever. If he wants to kill me, then sure, of course. It's not like i like living so much lmfaooo. Honestly, literally. I feel great. If he wants to kill me, then i'd be glad to die. Sparing me some of that misery waiting in my future. Whatever. I just stopped caring
I want to laugh so hard. Oh and i can't move out cuz it's a little taboo in my country for an unmarried girl to live alone if they don't come from a different city/faraway place. And it's crucial in my financial plan in order to save up enough money to have a slightly easier life in the future. So the options are either die here or suffer for a lot more years to come. I guess that's pretty funny.
