If god is real, he testing me wery hard, whit that thing that's hurt's most. Love

[Spidsnoegenhat2]

I think it will be next weekend. This is unbearable. The last 4 years have been unbearable as I knew I had no other options but to die. Has kept me alive until now though. Had the accident not happened 5 years ago, or I had been taken seriously, the opportunity was now there to get the most amazing person of a woman as a girlfriend. Or some selfworth at least. But I'm living a "lie" or how to wrap it up. My emotions run so much around my body that it feels like I'm going to die. My crappy life could have turned into the best life imaginable. It hurts. Love Hurts. My crush of 6 years. Sweet and an wery wery beautiful. But that is impossible. Or the probability is probably 1/1,000,000. Help to believe in luck. Won't die. But if I'm going to die next weekend, I'll take it like a man. Thanks

 

[020x]

Same boat friend. The same way could my life be. Don't know in your case.. but she loved me back. Had my chance, now it's too late with my mental illnesses.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds like you've suffered so much, it must be painful being trapped in that situation. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Spidsnoegenhat2]

Next weekend is bad timing but. Maybe I should do the same, I do in juli 2020. Taking two nights in a shelter alone. Buy some lottery ticket's. Meditate. Hope is the law of attraction will help me. I don't have anything to lose. Or yes. But there's no alternative. My life will probably end soon. The dice are rolled. The local media will now. I have a fairly large circle of friends/acquaintances. Have pushing lot of them away from me. Inkluding that girl. If I don't haven't fucket my life up She most hate me now. Everyone knows everyone here. Also within a larger radius when we are talking about out here in the country land of Denmark. There is a risk that it could spread like ripples in the water. Many have helped me screw up my life. Karma is a bitch. But have made my preparations with a very very long suicide letter about my whole life. It will give more talk than if I won the lottery. How I've screwed up my life is probably pretty unique. When you are driven by narcissists for so long that your brain thinks irrationally. Yes, the media can try to spin my suicide as they like. My suicide will be very boring, for bad people. Maybe they will be saved by I win the lottery. Otherwise, I should probably draw attention to an old mayor who covered up one of his pedophile friends. Not that people haven't heard of it. But I can give them a reminder about it. I don't let my death go to waste Maybe the luck are with me. Maybe

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

Sorry that happened to you. And yeah I agree god is testing you hard. In fact if he's real he's testing all our patience. If he's real he's a very wicked god and the only "love" he has for us is forced and evil. We only "love" him so we don't go to hell, those who believe in hi that is. I don't know why life has to be this difficult and I don't know why we can't just do the very obvious thing and kill ourselves but hey it is what it is.

 

[Spidsnoegenhat2]

I think I now. There is an evil power in this world. They rule the world. Don't even bother explaining it. If you understand society thoroughly, you will know that the vast majority of conspiracy theories are true or partially true. Society sails its own lake. Even here in Denmark we keep our hands over pedophiles. People who fight for the rights of others, for the seizure of their property. People commit suicide in psychiatry. A young woman is paralyzed in a wheelchair because she tried to hang herself after being raped by one of the staff. Inmates rape others in psychiatry. Often without consequences. People in Danish prisons live like kings compared to those in psychiatry. What the hell is going on? Before I kill myself, I want to make as many of my acquaintances hear a little about it. Had sworn never to mention this. And now I write it openly on this forum. Yes, I'm a little drunk. But no more than I understand what I'm talking about.

Should I win the lottery, I will never talk about it/them again. John McAfee mentioned in a video that the deep state is not a conspiracy theory. Soon after, he "hanged" himself in prison, charged with tax evasion, or something similar. The same as the other billionaires get away with year after year. Yes, you die in that case if you talk about yourself. I don't need to mention Epstein. It smells bad.

If I win the lottery, I will enjoy the next 10-20 years as much as possible. Play dumb like most people are. Shut up about the deep state and their deeds. A lottery millionaire could be dangerous to them, so they would probably kill me if I talked about them.

And finally. A lottery win is unlikely. And it is right to the right that it could be controlled who wins. Some with influence in the elite. Many lotteries are drawn by a computer. Or what? Gotta try to sleep now.

There god is the devil